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Sun,
I got similar spew. On the letting myself go thing as well.

Although it was unfair of H to hit me with that when I was struggling, he was right. I headed out and got my hair cut and had a makeover. I also have a hot wardrobe, if I do say so myself. I love me. Oh, and I redecorated the house in MY taste, which was another good feeling.

I just love me (blush). When H moved out, I realized I could spend money on ME. So I did. Hee hee hee hee hee. It made me feel feminine and I have summoned my feminine powers with my delicious boots. And if not for H, then for someone else eventually.

So I am a queen now. I love me.

Your H has also given you a clue as to how to react towards him. You got the whole thing where he thinks you'll put up with any of his crap. You need to show him, calmly, that you won't. If you haven't called a DB coach already, consider as they can give you all kinds of ideas on how to do it without showing him the door. But honestly, in my sitch DB coach seemed to feel that having less contact for a time would be good, because then I wouldn't be so angry when I see him. She has been right.

You are angry at him and critical of him, and he gets those vibes, you know? If you want to work on things, you may need some space. Now granted, I think most of us LBSers are justified in seeing our spouses as Big Whiny Babies, but I don't think that treating them that way is going to bring them back.

Here's what happened for me: Yeah, H moved out. I cried for a while and then I realized that not having a sour skulking critical presence around all the time was pretty good. I began to have fun again. And once H was gone, I was able to be nicer to him because I wasn't so angry.

Now, granted, my H now says he wants D but you know, I am accustomed to some peace and quiet now and I have to say that while it does indeed hurt, I think I have surprised him by not being angry or in tears or fearful over his temper tantrums. Since I've let him spin, he's become more respectful and I haven't had a real full-fledged exorcism-worthy spew for a long time now.

And since I feel good about myself now, I think I can weather the difficulties, including a possible D, as needed.

Just my 2 cents.

Oh--and did i say I love ME?

-Queen Breton

Hi Hope and Bre,

I do think H hates himself. He would deny it, of course. He thinks I'm the cause of all his problems.

As far as H being right, he was. I put everyone else ahead of myself. Look where it got me. My D18 will never do that.

I do things for myself all the time now. I have beautiful lingere, I'm working on my wardrobe, but since I'm still losing weight, I'm doing that slowly. I have always loved shoes and handbags and now I buy them when I want to and don't worry about doing something for me. I get my nails done and get pedicures on a regular basis. I got highlights in my hair a few weeks ago and it is longer than it has been in a long time. I get compliments everywhere I go on my hair.

I like who I am becoming. Having a job has given me some confidence back. I know I'm a good, valuable person. I know I'm not the troll H makes me out to be. He on the other hand was never a "looker" and that isn't what I loved about him. He knows that and that's another projection. No one could believe he got me, that is the truth. I let myself go and there is not an acceptable excuse for it. I wish I had cared more for myself. I can't change that. One good thing that's come from this is I found me again.

I stayed away from him when I got home this evening. He had to scrounge around for something to eat as I had eaten at the mall with all the kids. We did some Christmas shopping today and it turned out to be a nice day.

Thanks for all the input and ideas. I'm sort of fuzzy from all the ups and downs. I need to get my head straight. I also need to stay clear of him because no matter what I say, its turned against me.

Hugs,
Sun

Hip hip hooray. This sounds terrific. I say, just let that old coot spew and threaten, you sound like you are doing all you can do, and more.

Who really knows for sure, of course, but I truly don't think that loathing is directed at you at all, even though it looks like it from your vantage point. hope and bre have nailed it, the loathing is for themselves. We are just convenient whipping boys (or girls).

I'm so glad you are making Sun's life better each day, you deserve it so much.

Hugs,
AH

AH,

Hi. Thanks for what you said. I think I need to KNOW that I'm really not the problem, but he makes me feel SO awful. I have never had anyone look at me the way he does. I was thinking about it today and again I was just bowled over with the change in him AGAIN.

If I could stop letting his reactions to me get to me, I'd be so much better off.

Well, I have school tonight and will be leaving work in a few minutes. Let's hope when I get home it's peaceful.

Hugs,
Sun

Sun, I think you're doing a terrific job.

Maybe you just need to try to look at him and say Space Alien, Space Alien.....

Sun,
I just wanted to leave you a message for after school. Hope your night went well! And I sure hope it was peaceful.

Hope,

It was lovely. I got home, no one was here. I took a long shower, put on a beautiful nightie, perfume and listen to music on my Ipod and worked on an afghan I'm making for D18.

When the Alien got home I was polite, but left him alone for the most part. He was in a foul mood. Nothing new there. He was mad about a sitch at work and it seems someone stole his bookbag and some cd's out of his car. He doesn't have a book he needs now to take his final exam. Poor baby. Funny thing is, they left other cd's and stuff in his car (?) so it wouldn't suprise me if he left it somewhere.

I slept great, and am going this afternoon to decorate my mother and dad's gigantic tree. I'm peaceful right now. Hope it lasts.

Hugs,
Sun

Bre,
I love it: Space Alien, Space Alien, Space Alien . . .

Sun, good--keep doing these things for yourself. Don't worry if H notices or not. Doesn't it feel good to be about YOU???

Sun, just checking in. How did decorating go?

Sun,
I haven't posted lately but still keep up with lots of people. You are doing sooooo great. I don't know that I could do as well
as you are doing if my H was still at home.

I have been extremely busy as my dad had minor surgery and ended up with major complications. He was in the hospital 16 days and now is in assisted living for 21 days to recover. All my time is taken up with him so I very little time to worry about H. He
has been calling though and cking on my dad====Yeah right!!!!

I hope your decorating is going well. I have a few things done but need to kick it up at notch. I usually put my tree in the family room in the basement, but with dad just getting better I will have to make other plans--too many steps for him.

Keep on keeping on becuase you are so much further ahead than you
were even 6 months ago, it is amazing.

Take care
Sue & Snooky