Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Just bought a 1 way non-refundable ticket to Dtown

So W sent me a text tonight in regards to me telling her I still loved her when she called to tell me she signed the D papers:

Her: Why do you tell me those things?
Me: Because you are my heart.
Her: Who knows what will happen. I miss everything.

My mom spoke to her today and said she sounded really sad, W told her she was going to bed (It was 7pm). W sleeps alot when she is depressed.

I know she loves me... why is she doing this to us?

I bet she doesn't even know why. It could be so many things. If she loves you (and I too believe my wife loves me "somewhere in there") she may not recognize it. She may not be able to bring herself around to admitting any wrong-doing or digging up the past to resolve the marriage issues. She may still be confused and needs to "coast" for a while. There are probably many other maybe's as well.

In my case I believe my wife has convinced herself, with the help of others, that there is nothing left here for her. Love or not there will always be someone out there to validate her need to get out of our marriage.

Why is she doing this?
the same reason many wives do it.

Once they start down the path, they cannot find the off-ramp. They can't get off the train. Doing so involves admitting a severe wrongdoing, and that is devastating to their own self esteem. The ego won't allow it. Self preservation demands that she stay the course, even if it means destroying a family, a marriage, even destroying you or the memory of you. (Demonizing you, rewriting history).

and then what Michael said comes into play - they will always find someone to validate their actions, their need to escape the marriage. Some of those people are practicing counselors.

sad.

I feel for you H4C.

Just received a text from W.

Her: I cant seem to not think about you.

I think she might be starting to see the light, or perhaps she is stringing me along because Im divorcing her and wants to keep the control over me.

Any thoughts?

Probably a little of both. Even if it's the former (your W starting to see the light), stay the course -- stay strong and resolute. Let her pursue you, if she sincerely is hoping to turn around.

(Hah! But what do I know -- other than what other people with real experience have related to us?)

Or she could be buttering you up for the custody battle. Sorry, I'm just suspicious by nature.

Nut

So she texted me again:

"What would you say if I wanted to drop everything and go full throttle in regards to us".

"Let me rephrase that, what would you say if I said I wanted my family back."

HOLY!!! This is crazy! I have NO IDEA what to do!!!

Oh.My.Gosh.

You can tell she is scared to even ask the question since she texted you, didn't even want to make the phone call. What in the WORLD are you going to say????

I wouldn't know what to say either! How about "Your family wants you back. Let's talk about what needs to happen to make that possible."

wow.

We're going to meet at a coffee shop in a day or two to discuss.

Its so crazy how my feelings have shifted to needing her to now not knowing if I want her anymore!

My head is so messed up! 1/2 of me says HELL NO!!! THe other 1/2 says I love her and want to be with her... UGH!!