I called OW's H today. He told me that his W told him the Saturday before Christmas (22nd?), H and his W exchanged Christmas gifts, and my H told OW that he needed space, that he doesn't think they should talk or see each other anymore. OW is 'respecting' his wishes, and supposedly doesn't call him. Meanwhile, she is still begging her H to reconcile. He has agreed to stay in the house longer for the kids, but is still moving on with: finances and an life independent of OW.
Yes, this is a good thing. H has NEVER tried to end it with her (as far as I know).
BUT......and help me remember these things:
1. Things could always turn around. One phone call, one accidental sighting, and they could be seeing each other again.
2. I will continue with my positive and independent behavior.
3. I will not approach H with R talk. He kind of told me about the break last week, but didn't want to talk about it further, so I didn't push. I will not push, I will be receptive if he chooses to find me.
He has been quiet for a couple days. Not cranky, just quiet. I have to admit that I am happy about this, but I need to remember it might be temporary. This week will show me a bit. H usually does 'errands' and lunch with D6 coordinating to possibly see OW. Last week, he switched up his routine a bit, and I did not hear from my kids that they saw OW and her kids (they report any sighting of anyone...). We shall see....
Question: We were moving forward with separting finances, etc. H was fighting this a bit last week. I am thinking of continuing to let that battle go. What do you guys think?
My thinking is that this is really good news. Even if it doesn't last forever he is making an effort. I would love to see you have another good discussion with him. Maybe not specifically a R discussion, but a discussion on how you two feel about something of interest to both of you. Maybe the finances, maybe the kids, maybe the ships passing in the night routine at home, maybe sex. Something that shows you are interested in him and that home is not a place abandoned by both of you.
tal, wanted to say I saw that you were going to Disney. We usually go every year (last week of Feb). This will be our first year in 5 years that we won't be going. I am having a hard time with this. Its not the time to take the girls alone, not just yet, but I really wish they were going. They have been asking...
Gee, I have to agree with Sara (she's so smart anyway). I see this as good too. From the outside, it seems like your H is coming ever so slowly toward you. The dinner invitation, telling you he hadn't talked to OW, buying the new TV...etc.
I know how you feel about not wanting to get hopes up, but it's better when he's calling it off.
Hugs to you.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
i agree with sues.. this sounds like a good thing here.. I hope it continues!!
Thats sad about disney. We've gone every year since S5 was a year and a half. Its our "family" vacation together. That has to hurt, I remember thinking last year it wasn't going to happen, but things got better. and I'm hoping things are going to look up for you.
ta;
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
lwb, I think this can be a really good thing. but its also probably a pretty tough time...hard to walk that balance. also, keep in mind, your h could have his own agenda here. he could have certain expectations...be giving you and your m a trial run, with those expectations in mind. even though you aren't give the rules of the game ahead of time, he could be playing one. and that is where it can get tricky. because without talking about it, without knowing what is in his mind, well, you don't have a fighting chance. now, you are brilliant, and you are strong and are doing things that seem really dead on perfect to me...but is that how your h is seeing it?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
doesn't help that I just got an e-mail freaking code rate...40% off the deluxe resorts. ugh. I am so tempted to book something, even though I know its crazy to do it. ugh ugh ugh.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
