I got an email from FIL that was sent to both my wife and me. The email was a gentle suggestion that we pursue counseling for the children to help them cope with the impending change.
It never ends, does it?
So this afternoon I called a therapist and left a message on her voicemail, asking for a call-back. Guess she's not a sport's fan, because she called back during the BCS game. Wife and #3 were in the room they now share, the boys in bed. I went to the office in the back of the house to talk in private. I was talking to the counselor, explaining what was going on.... and the wife walked in. "Who are you talking to?" she asked with unmatched incredulity. "Oh, it's a therapist.... Dr XXX. Do you want to talk to her?" I calmly replied, holding out my mobile phone. "At 9:30 at night? I don't believe you," she said walking away (can't say I blame her for doubting me). "OK, well, let me put her on speaker." I put her on speaker and she introduced herself as the wife walked away, upstairs to her bedroom.
I know the "alien" line. But shouldn't this be an absolute relief to her that I have moved on and found somebody else? Why does this bother her?
So I didn't pursue this any further. Tomorrow morning, I will ask her, "What was all that about last night? Didn't you get the email from your dad?"
BTW, I missed a lot of the game, including the blocked field goal.
When H talked and talked one night (I was just listening), he said "I know eventually you will meet someone and be happy, and that will kill me. It will hurt so much. I have no idea why...". I don't even think if she wanted to, she could put it into words why it upset her.....
Maybe don't bring it up at all tomorrow? Is there really a need? Does it really have anything to do with the kids/counseling? If anything, I would maybe bring up the email and just the email, asking her what she thought about the kids and counseling...
ROOT recently posted some great lines to drop on a cheating spouse regarding their ultimate replacement. Here is one of her posts on Olive's thread: More stuff to keep in mind.... If your husband gets nosy and asks questions. Just point out, of course you would never be dating anyone seriously because you are still legally married. And you would never want to mislead anyone, you don't want any rebound relationships and you'd like to enjoy being single for awhile so you can find someone extra special... not just the first guy to come along. On the other hand it is interesting to see what's out there..... hummmm..... dreamy look (hee hee!!!!).
Other things if husband keeps needling for details.... You only eventually want a healthy, wonderful, forever relationship with a guy who would make a great stepdad to your kids. I remember telling my husband, "Don't worry, I will pick someone who will make a great stepfather. Someone who really cares about the kids and wants to spend a lot of time with them. Maybe even someone without kids of his own so he can devote 100% to them." (Let your H think that one over!!!!). I even once told him he might want to think about fixing me up with someone who he thinks is really great and might make a great stepdad. It's in his best interest that his children have a positive, good male living with us. -runningoutoftime, 07 Jan 2007
In fact, I have gotten a lot out of most of her posts this year. I recommend reading them. She is so confident... enviable, IMO.
So I didn't pursue this any further. Tomorrow morning, I will ask her, "What was all that about last night? Didn't you get the email from your dad?"
I think you need to do this.
I read Rob's earlier post. It seems that not discussing the relationship is important in the LRT and in the early stages of the affair to help you detach and not put pressure on WAS. In your case, and perhaps mine, not discussing the relationship may be harmful. It's almost like we are being seen as aloof or in denial. It confirms their image us of as not wanting to deal with the lack of communication in the marriage.
mark, is this an IC therapist for you, or one you hope will be a mc/family therapist? did you get a good feel for her (yes, even though you had to miss a good chunk of the game)?
as for your wife's response...well, who knows, really. how did she say she didn't believe you? I can see that 2 different ways...the first way is the straight out, I don't believe its a therapist on the phone. the other way is simply that she doesn't believe you actually have the nerve to think therapy is going to change anything.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
In fact, I am waiting for the "Fire Jim Tressell" drumbeat to begin. Time was, if an Ohio State coach couldn't beat Michigan, he got fired. Now... will it be if an Ohio State coach can't beat the SEC in a BCS bowl game, he gets fired?
