Hey Jack- No cable, no satellite! It does keep the TVs off a lot more than they would be! I really like the BBC shows, though. Maybe someday I'll get a dish!
It's not like I am a complete slob (I can be, but I really am not). I have noticed, and I think WAS kind of implied this, that the bar seems to raise if I come closer to getting over it. It is pretty much impossible to quntify, but I'm pretty sure it is true. The latest is how clean the kitchen sink is at night.
I will be reading WAS's post a few more times before I say much about it. I need to let it sink in a bit, and make sure I understand it. But, if there is a post hall of fame, I think it belongs!
Don't focus on any one thing and limit your ability to see other ways you need to organize your life. You might find out that you can arrange things like household chores among the kids and create your own little army of worker bees.
They can piss and moan about it all they want as long as they know you are the one they answer to on such matters. Don't turn it into a discipline problem for the W. This is about you now. This is about your next better life, with or without her.
Who controls financial matters? I think I recall that you set up a separate account. Fine. But do you have a monthly bill pay ToDoList? Can you handle the bills in such a way that she can look, but doesn't need to? Handle it. Make it your mission. Become obsessed with what you have not been responsible for, but can be.
Any time she questions this, point out you should have never allowed her to become overly responsible for doing so much ... and you realize you don't like it that way now. Show her that you won't let it get that way again. That is where you will be anyway if she leaves. And if she does, you won't be looking around trying to figure out the bills. They will already be a piece of cake.
But realistically, men should never have let the load at home get out of balance. Yet many of us did. We learned it from our fathers and grandfathers, and then took it to the next level. And we have paid a high price. Re-invent yourself into a better person. Your sons deserve to see this and learn from it. They need to grow up to be the man you want to become, and be tought that they owe it to themselves first and foremost to be responsible for themself and not depend on someone else. It burns the other person out over time.
Guys night out ... start a new tradition with the sons. Make it part of the reward for getting their ass in gear around the housel. Bowling. Movies. Anything that includes the rule "Girls need not apply". Of course if she asks nicely, you can let the boys vote on whether to let her tag along or not.
Do you maintain a date night? You should. Would she be willing to do so? Dinner and/or movie without the kids. Put an electronic ankle bracelet on one of the kids and tie the rest of them to him. Give her a life outside the house. You both deserve that. If you can't afford those kind of luxuries, how would she expect to pay for a D? Again, show the kids that it is important for mom to get out of the house once a week, and have a clean home to return to. Otherwise all she can think about all the way home from dinner is how much cleaning she has to do tomorrow.
Will any of this just give her something to complain about? Probably. But are you more worried about her finding fault, or about you and your sons finding yourselves?
Thanks again, WAS, This one is a bit easier to respond to... I get what you are saying about the kids and I working together to get organized. I think we can do that, though as you say, there will be a bit of 'resistance'.
I've been handling the financials for a long time. She doesn't like the management of the CCs at times (rightly so), but the bills are always paid. We have an account that we transfer money into for her monthly grocery shopping, etc., so there are never surprises in the bill paying account. W has several of accounts that I can't access, a savings account where we accumulate the property taxes and Christmas money being the most significant. She recently opened an account for her newly acquired paycheck, which was always agreed would not be for day-to-day expenses, but rather to compensate for the shortfall in college savings. Putting those together couldm I suppose, be an escape fund, if it is, it is. Since AZ is a community property state, I could probably fight that, if push came to shove. Don't know that I would, though, depending.
Guys night out is an excellent idea. I think I will work that in.
Date night? Surely, you jest! Perhaps someday....
I will think of what I can do that I am not, or what I can do better that I am!
