Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE In Support of Strong Puppy

On another interesting note, my sister's new boyfriend is actually an adherent to that TakenInHand website to which Lou posted a link so I can give you guys a report about how that works. Of course, he's also a musician scenester who looks like a best-case scenario cross between George Clooney and Jack Nicholson so....grain of salt.

HA!!! Southern Girl! How do ya like them apples???? Ole floppy socks is in the lead and you said he had no sense of style!

Well MJ - as long as he doesn't wear the socks to bed it could be good to go.

Karen

(SM) Bunnies, puppies, it makes no difference. There just metaphors, anyway, for vulnerability.

Language matters, so I suspect that it does make a difference. I agree that they're both metaphors for vulnerability.


You can't kill the puppy. He's always there.

Right. When I asked blackfoot to clarify his "killed the puppy" comment he explained that when a woman played his puppy by making his bed or having breakfast ready for him or whatever, it would trigger what I call "connective emotions". He hired someone to do those things for him because he's not interested in connective emotions and because the puppy rarely (if ever) enhances attraction and often detracts from it. So "killing the puppy" indicates a man dealing with vulnerability on his own and self-soothing.


Showing vulnerability requires tremendous strength.

I disagree. Showing vulnerability is a learned skill. After my W dropped the bomb and I discovered her A, I lived my life wide open on the Infidelity forum for months and months. I did the same in real life when the opportunity presented itself. Once you've learned to handle the anxiety it's not that hard. Nor is it particularly effective.

I still believe in being wide open with the truth. It's just that now my truth is "I'm handling it myself" much more often than before.


By hiding your vulnerability, you are either lying to your partner or yourself.

Don't hide it; handle it. Nobody's suggesting that anyone become inauthentic.

That song is not that off topic. Very moving.

Hmmm...I kind of agree with what you're saying here but I would interpret it more as the ability to self-soothe is the ability to manifest as strong puppy rather than weak puppy because that is basically how I manifest as strong bunny rather than weak bunny. Subtle difference between signaling "I'm pettable" rather than "Pet me." or "I'm hungry" rather than "Feed me". In the little story I wrote a man who was strong puppy would/could signal "I'm hungry" to a woman but he could also rise to St. Bernard and fix a meal for his own puppy as necessary. I don't think a man would be more attractive if he just routinely made a habit of feeding himself. I think doing that would eventually have the effect of turning a man into the retired-from-the-army-ever-self-sufficient-permanent-bachelor type. Sometimes a man who takes too good care of himself in that manner becomes unattractive because he gives off too much of the vibe of a monk or a fussy grandmother stockpiling jams and preserves. If I found myself in a man's meticulously made-up by a maid bachelor pad I would be kind of creeped out. IOW if a man avoids being strong puppy by being too much of his own St. Bernard that's not a good thing.

...or let me give an example from the other side of the zoo that might help you understand. Let's say you spot an attractive woman by the side of the road with a flat tire and you pull over to help. Would you find her more attractive if she said:

A) No thanks, I can do it myself because I just took a class on auto repair at the community college.

B) No thanks, I've got my mechanic-to-go on the phone and he'll be here in a minute.

C) Thank you. I was feeling so helpless and in need of manly assistance. (bats eyes) (slight whiny tone) Be careful not to mess up my expensive hubcaps.

D) Thank you. I was about to get out my owner's manual and open my trunk and figure out if I could remember how to do this but this was kind of the last straw at the end of a rough day and I would really appreciate your help. Plus, I'm good at handing people tools. (smiles and peeks at your muscles).

D) Thank you. I was about to get out my owner's manual and open my trunk and figure out if I could remember how to do this but this was kind of the last straw at the end of a rough day and I would really appreciate your help. Plus, I'm good at handing people tools. (smiles and peeks at your muscles).

More honest and she shows a cooperative attitude. Shows she can do things when necessary.

Even if she didn’t flirt, D is my choice. C might flirt just to get what she wants=user.

I actually do offer and run into B) No thanks, I've got my mechanic-to-go on the phone and he'll be here in a minute.more than I thought I would.

Lou

Nice thread title, Mojo. Still cracking me up I see.

Strong Puppy, eh? As opposed to, "Lost Puppy," I suppose.

No, doesn't work for me as I can't get past the oxymoron.

Kind of reads to me the same as: Peacekeeper missile.

SIDEBAR: Have to get this off my chest. I am not IDing with the menagerie metaphors to the point of an OD feeling. Too girly for me. I remember the last time I gave such thought to animals and that was as a little boy when I learned that, no, no, no, lions go with lions and giraffes go with giraffes on your Garanimals wardrobe, little boy Stig, you never mix the two because: "they're cool animals."

So obviously a very long time ago. I'll stick to my clinical XX XY genes, hardwiring, code, and drives, if you don't mind. Yeah, I know, not as fun and fluffy.
End of Sidebar

Mojo Wrote:

His male code message to me along the lines of Stigmata's "I'm a nice person but not a nice guy" was "I used to be an *zzhole but not any more". Which I interpret to mean "I'm a sexually experienced rat transitioning into vole mode".

Sigh. I'll give you a pass on account of your gender, silly girl. Not the same. Quite different actually. From my past associations with Ms from virgins to ladykillers who fukced realistically over 1,000 Fs, the ones who said this line usually were one of 2 types, as I will elaborate below.

I never was and don't say this out of arrogance. I never DH to an F; never cheated, never bent them to my will with orders and the like. Probably because I never chased. Any of my meaningful interactions with Fs came out of a result of them pursuing me. Sure I've probably said some *zzhole things to Fs but not out of disrespect but only because I'm a man and men can often be emotionally clumsy, so to speak.

I would never say what this guy said. The male code reading for this is one of two things IMO. Both I find to be inauthentic:

1. "I have no edge to my personality so I need to say this so she will think I used to be a rat turned vole because I am a bit insecure I may not be adequately charismatic."

(the F usually sniffs this sap out pretty quickly thankfully)

Or:

2. "I actually undersold myself. I used to be a TOTAL azzhole but now I am just a regular azzhole that will become evident once I get into a mid to LTR."

Finally, come on, Mojo, I know you have been off themarket for almost 20 years. If a guy is paying to fly you out to see him for the weekend it is not because the phone just doesn't do it for him -- he needs to sit and listen to your sparkling conversation whilst you both sip from the same chocolate malt with two straws. (eye roll)

(chuckle...which IMO tips the scales he is probably #2)

-Stigmata-

Yeah, except that actually worked. The Russkis didn't stay out of Western Europe because they were such peaceloving nice guys, after all.



Thankfully? Why would it be such a terrible thing from your point of view if "this sap" got some love. I'd rather see him get laid than some of the thugs and idiots that keep outbreeding the rest of us.



Yes, I see what you mean. Women love taking care of their men and love having that care appreciated and visibly benefit their men (giving them a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of connection with him) rather than disappearing into a black hole of bottomless need.