Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC affairs vs Average Affairs

Ok my friend...one nighter - is a cheat..sorry. If he was willing during your marriage to have a one nighter then this A was a definate possiblity.

I agree with RCR in regards to your stuff Kissak. I KNOW you love your H. AND IT IS TIME THAT YOU get to LOVE YOU!! I am sorry he has been so hurtful to you. I am sorry that he is so filled with himself that he doesn't stop to think about WHO he is hurting. I AM so truly sorry.

RCR, thank you for posting on this thread. You always have such a wealth of information.

I just wanted to highlight one thing that I disagree with. Kissack's H is 33, mine is 32. My H has followed the MLC script to a T. Everyone here has basically said that he is sooooo...MLC. Now they are not professionals, but our MC was. Our MC believes that my H is going through a MLC, an early one. From the books I read, it can happend to someone early if they have a very troubled childhood, have gotten married early, and established a career early. My H fits under all of that. I don't believe you can just rule out MLC if the peson fits into all the sayings and categories just because they aren't in the 35 years or above age. I don't remember if it was Conway that said it but somewhere I read it can start at 35 but sometimes even a little earlier.

WRONG!!!!

You have to BE strong and independant!!!

For you, for your children and for your H!

MrsH,

What are you really disagreeing with...I did not rule Kissak's husband out simply due to age and I have not made a judgement that yours is not MLC. That statement was for Kissak's husband alone.
Age is a factor; not the only factor. But those who are cheating but did not want to be WAHs may have behaviour that is MLC--confusion, changes mind, anger...

Kissak's husbands issues are deeper than that--deeper than a single affair mistake (single not being one night stand but relationship). Sometimes a person thinks it may be a one nighter and they get caught by the OW and by their emotions.

There are also life transitions every 7-10 years. The transition at midlife is considered the most tumultuous.

Conway gave a range of 35-50
I believe Jung gave a range of 40-50.
I would give a range of 37-45 with outliers...so not all will fit in that range, but the greater scatter will be there...and no, I have not done an official data collection, it's all speculative.

RCR, my intent was never to put you down, so I hope you didn't feel that way. I know you have done a lot of research on MLC. I wasn't really talking about Kissack's sitch as I was just going by this From what I gathered from what you wrote in parenthesis (sp?) was that the reasoning to forget about the MLC script was because of his age. I went with that reason you left. At least that is how I read it. I just wanted to point out that his age of 33 really doesn't necessarily mean he isn't having a MLC.

I don't keep up with Kissack's thread all the time so I can't make judgement whether he is in MLC or not. I am sure you can judge that more. I was just thinking that at the time you were just basing the fact of his age that he wasn't in MLC.

I hope I am explaining myself right. I do value your insight, so please don't think I don't.

MrsH and RCR - My h is an older MLCer, over 50 - I agree that age can be an issue, but it is the PATTERN that fits.
In my h's case - physically very youthful in appearance, most people took him for 10 year younger prior to MLC. Interestingly he has aged enormously during MLC and now looks at least his age . . .

Mrsh I think your h sounds classic MLC even though there is more than 20 years between yours and mine!

A

I remember in the beginning of all of this, my H DID NOT consider this an affair.

He is older, too, will be 52 in a few weeks, and OW is six months older than he with two grown kids and a few grandkids.

My H is balding a lot but you would never know it because he wears baseball caps all the time. I just had to throw that in!!

Sf - no my husband didn't think he was having an affair - it wasn't adultery because he considered the marriage was over, and also he was 'in love'.

My h's OW is very close to him in age - and looks years older than me!! Less good looking, as he has told me!

So wierd

The things these men say to justify their adultery/affair!!!

This OW is what he always used to make fun of because she looks 100% gay. Her hair is still shorter than my son's, and dyed it bright red again and it is gelled straight up--looks like a porcupine.

My son said she looks just like a tweaker as she is very very old looking in the face and has lost a considerable amount of weight.

I remember one of our president's said, "It depends on what your definition of "is" is." :-)