Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC affairs vs Average Affairs

LOL!!!!!!!!! I don't think he even knows--that guy you refer to!!

Really, in the beginning, h did not think of it as adultery/affair, thought he loved her, said he never loved me but then months after saying those things, told me he never stopped loving me, and then right back to OW again.......

It is weird and really, I kind of like it over here with the kids where we can just chill out, if we don't want to do a chore, we don't have to............but when Dad comes back to his full senses one day, all of our freedom will be limited so I might as well enjoy it now.

I think deep down they all know very well what it is they are doing. They find new friends who will help them rationalize what they are doing, and of course the OP does as well. And of course family and old friends who don't fall out of favor.

Oh they absolutely know what they are doing but in my H's case, he has NO friends and was like that when I married him. The one friend he had, he just did not hang out much with him after college and after we were married. My H is pretty much a loner and the very bad thing is he only has OW to talk to.

Oh not at all...merely discussion. People tend to worry they are or I am being antagonistic when there is disagreement sometimes...
Sweetheart is taht way. A few months before Bomb my SIL (his brother's wife) and I were having a discussion/debate about gay marriage...we have opposing views. Sweetheart wanted me to call her and apologize. I told him no...but did tell her that, she laughed; we had both been enjoying our discussion immensely.

For me, age is a great factor in dismissing MLC--more so with the younger outliers. We've had a few in recent months asking if their 25 year old is MLC... 25 is PRIME QLC age, so I would say No.

Daniel Levinson in Seasons of a Man's Life talked about transitions being every 7-10 years with main ones at 30, 40 and 50--40 being the tumultuous midlife one.

More is written about midlife, so what are the differences in the others? Or are there differences other than age? There is some about QLT/C. But what about age 30--seems between Quarter and Mid.
One of the thigns said that is very much a Mid issue is a fear of death...this may be coupled with aging, but I think aging transfers to other transitions more than fears of death.

QLTers are just starting their adult lives. New college grads, new career...how far will they go, will they make it...all life is ahead of them and for some they may not be able to see how to achieve their goal which may be so many years away.
President of the United States--sure at 35 you can run, but chances are better for older...
So the BIG end goals are a long way off.

At 40 they are either midway...but what of those who are not as far as they feel they should be by that age or for the opposite...the person who has achieved beyond their dreams?
There is the feeling of failure and impossibility with the former and the feeling of what now? or is that it with the latter.

I don't know anytyhing about differences in transition for 50 versus 40. I'm not saying there are not differences, it's just that the focus is so heavy on Mid.
And maybe it isn't, but since Sweetheart fit the mid age I may have missed relevant sources for older age ranges. I suddenly wonder if those who go through a healthy midlife trnasition where they make great changes do it at a slightly later average age than those who have a crisis MLC. There are memoirs out there about peoples experiences and it seems they are slightly older--late 40s and 50s. But those who have crisis seem slightly (not a lot) younger. Hmmmm

And of course, this may seem so because I focus on my situation--which is what many do. Sweetheart was 39.5 at Bomb.

HUGS,
RCR

Sweetheart TRIED to say it wasn't an affair because our marriage was over. But he failed at convincing himself. Maybe my insistence that such a things was hogwash helped.

I told him it didn't matter what he felt about our marriage, we were married--ask GOD! It old him it wouldn't matter if the courts eventually said we were divorced...as long as both of us were living we were married.

But that wouldn't work on someone who is not religious.

Love this. I feel the same way. I'm (dare I say) not very religious in the standard sense. Even so, I do not think the fact my H took of his ring to sleep with OW some how made him single. She did..and stole his ring. He later got it back after having to make a new one just like it. People tell themselves all sorts of craziness.

I do find it interesting that when my H asked to stall the divorce due to money issues he stated emphatically to me, "we can do what we want with our money (as opposed to what the lawyers are saying) after all we are still married!"

Wasn't sure what to think. I just said, "yes we are."

My h insisted that we weren't 'married' any longer; was wittering on about divorce for most of 2007. Also said 'If we do get divorced we can always remarry! BUT the last time he called me he said 'It is xxx, your husband!' Then asked me to have lunch with him! They really do have their heads up their a**.

Still don't know where his head/heart regarding me. But nor does he

A

Hi Angelica,

He is attempting to 'reconnect'.

Mickey

[quote=short1after all we are still married!"

Wasn't sure what to think. I just said, "yes we are." [/quote]

LOL!! My H used that as an excuse when he and I had sex while he was dating the OW! He said "What? We are married!"

My H has seemed to me to follow alot of the MLC script though. So, I believe it is possible. He seemed to fall apart when we got deeper into getting our new house started. I believe he got scared. He wasnt happy. Didnt know why other than it must be me. Started talking and becoming friendly with OW and they started dating 1 week after he left me.

He didnt have the best childhood from what I have heard, and not from him. He has blocked it all out. He doesnt remember but maybe a few things from his childhood.