Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wandering Poster Paws the Ground

Thanks, Lisa, and thanks for the hug!

I don't have any idea what she thought of the flowers. She did get around to opening the card, I just checked. Didn't say anything. I would expect that she noticed it didn't say "Love, Jeff" in it.

I'm just up for a minute, S13 and W got off to the soccer game ok, so I can go back to sleep for a bit.

I was wondering last night whether it was possible for the LBS to become the WAS aft after the original WAS had walked so far. I fell asleep before I could answer that!

Sunny London? Are you sure you are in the right place?

I think the flowers were a hit! Sure she didn't gush over them or you, but she didn't have anything negative to say about them so mark that in the + column.

It is too bad that in the middle of the night after being gone almost 2 weeks she has to pick things to be angry about.

The LBS can definitely become the WAS, I've seen it on here often, and struggle to stay positive so I don't become one too.

Thanks, pal!

Well, she didn't throw them at me, so that's something, I guess.

I really don't think I want to be married to her right now. That makes this a bit of a challenge!

How ready are you to act on those feelings?

Well, that's the question, isn't it. Hmmmm, I'm readier than I was a month ago. I think I am getting pretty close to being ready to tell her that something has to change, that living the way we are isn't doing anyone any good. I my even head her off at the pass, and tell her that it could be that the way we do things is just too different. (She has often said things like this. She'll say that there is nothing wrong with being laid back, but she can't live like that.) I'm not sure I can change to be the person she wants. I don't think I want to.

So, my first choice would be to make this work. I think what that wold take is probably both of us being more accepting of what the other person is. Second choice would be to be done with it. Third choice, keep going like this.

If she showed any indication of working on her issues, I would try much harder to meet her half way with mine. And perhaps it is a selfish attitude, but I don't think I can get to where she wants me to be if she doesn't budge.

I'll probably read this later, and wish I could delete it, but I guess it is what I am feeling right now, so it is real and valid, this morning!

The secret of the missing red box is out! W called, busy getting something warm to drink between soccer games. S13 told her that there was a missing present for her! The good part is that she said, "you did Christmas shopping for me early, got flowers, and made the bed, and then you lost one of my presents! I'll bet that made you feel competent!" But it was said with good humor. Of course she was upset that I didn't punish S18 for forgetting to take S13 to soccer practice Wednesday. In my mind he knew he had made a mistake, and admitted it. What good was more punishment really going to do? I really don't think that some time off of games, or whatever else I would have come up with would really make any difference next time. The conversation does give a bit more of a picture of W's way of thinking though, you don't meet expectations, you get punished! I think I will never be having sex again!

Sounds like you're getting less concerned about her reaction to being told something has to change. At some point, you'll be ready to tell her what you think the possible options are at this point (your three choices).

What a let down after all your work and preparation, though. Sorry that you didn't get more appreciation for your efforts - while no bad reaction can be a plus, it's hard to get excited about, hey?

Thanks Ingrid.
You are right, I'm getting closer to that point, and that is probably a good thing, in the long run. It will be one of the harder things I've ever done, but it is getting to be time I stood up for myself. She often says that there isn't anything 'wrong' with the way I am, but it doesn't work for her. It sounds like quotes from the WAW handbook, but perhaps there is something to it. Maybe the way she is wired she really can't tolerate the things that don't bother me. How far can we go to accommodate each other if that's the case? We don't want to throw away our own identities, but we want both of us to be happy, or content, or whatever word fits there.

More thoughts going on....

Hey Jeff...just checking in on you...I'm sorry things didn't go as well as they should have for you when W came home...I wish she would have reacted more maturely about the flowers/card...but none of the WAS act very maturely about anything...Sounds like she maybe loosened up a bit after hearing about the missing present?! Any way, I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and hope the rest of your weekend is better! Hugs!

BA

Hi BA, sorry you had such a rotten day. (But you didn't ruin the weekend!) Thanks for coming by. I think, if you could get far enough into her emotions, she actually appreciated the flowers. And I think she even appreciates the missing gift (she does not know what it is). I just don't know, don't know......

We found out today that S19 will be going with his Marine reserve unit to Djbouti, Africa this spring. He thought he wasn't, but that changed. It doesn't look like a great place to me, but it is not Iraq, so that's something. He goes to North Carolina for training starting next week, so we will be having dinner out, along with in-laws tomorrow. So I don't have to cook it!

I'll be ok, my long term questions are still out there, but I can answer them in my time. The one good thing about my sitch, there is plenty of time!