Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Long and Bumpy Road 2be continued...

My H said kind of the same thing...although his was without the anger. Why don't they get that the reality is what it is? They created it but they don't like hearing about it.

Don't know if you know my sitch SO2, but my son is 8 wks old and H dropped the bomb when I was 33 wks. He is 'in love' with OW, they've been together a year apparently and he wants to move in with her.
We are going thru the motions of trying to co-parent right now. He is here a lot because I am nursing and that is the only way he gets to see S. He picks up or almost 3 yr old D and takes her to preschool and brings her home most nights. It sucks seeing him this much. He is here today because he has to shovel the mountains of snow that are coming down. I think he thinks he deserves a medal for these things.

Your text sounds good...good idea to wait a day or two to send it to make sure you still want to say those things.
Sounds like the drinking might be a problem if that's when he got angry like that. I don't have those problems with my H, but I can see why you'd threaten the restraining order if that is the case.
Sorry you find yourself away from piecing.
J~

My thread if you're interested...sounds like we may have gone through some similar things...
Jenny's Thread
J~

Thanks Jenny...I have been following your thread. Its so hard to bring innocent little babies into this.

This has been one of the worst days of my life. One good thing is I haven't even bothered thinking about H at all today but I don't want this agony anymore.

My kids were with their dad last night. My oldest daughter (18), who has been miss dependable, responsible, happy sends me a text at 9am telling me she left her car at the train station and was moving to Bakersfield (3 hours away) to be with this boy who she claims to love. She says she is going to live with him and his family and is going to get a job, etc. She says she loves her dad and I and that she will be happy.

I freak out. I call her dad. He flips out. We try calling and calling her and she won't pick up. I am freaking out at this point. She finally answers and her dad talks to her and he ends up talking to this boys mother who condoned the whole flipping thing saying they were in love and 18 blah blah blah. She agreed to meet us so her dad and I drove 3 hours to Bakersfield but she was saying she wasn't coming home on the phone. I am bawling my eyes out trying to figure out how we were going to do this.

We end up meeting with her and this boy and explain this is not the way to do stuff and she agreeably gets in the car and comes home. No fighting, no struggle, nothing. Almost like she was wanting to be rescued. We asked her some questions on the way home which she answered but then talked about random things like nothing was wrong. Like today never happened. It was wierd. We asked her if it was about this boy or wanting her independence...she said she wanted independence and to live on her own. This was not the way to do it. She had no money, no car and was at this boy's and his families mercy. I felt sick worrying about what could have happened to her. She told no one here, no friends or anyone.

It was the most horrific day of my entire life. I thought she was gone forever. Not sure where we go from here with her.

I felt incredibly guilty. I hope that my sucky life and drama with H has not pushed her away. It has been a rollercoaster up and down and I know she is sick of it and him. Maybe this is a wakeup call to me.

I need to go rest. I have been having mild contractions for the past few hours from all the stress. When I found out I was literally hyperventilating.

Thanks for listening.

SO2,
What a day!
Well it least it ended ok. These things can have a way of bringing people together. I mean you and your D...but it looks like you and your H had to as well.

Take care of yourself...get a lot of rest.
When are you due??
J~

Thanks Jenny. I am due March 21.

Well, my exh and I bonded great!! LOL...he isn't the H i refer to on this thread. He is my first husband and father of my kids. H that I talk about here is my second H. Complicated I know....

I am so tired right now. I can't stop hugging my D.

My body feels like I have been hit by a truck. I am sore all over and know its emotional. This poor child I am carrying is going to come out with massive anxiety from what I have put her through.

Glad the weekday is here. They are so much easier. H is not drinking and it forces him to face the grim reality of his choices. On the weekend he acts like a 19 year old frat boy...and I did tell him that on Saturday too. He didn't like it very much.

I am beginning to realize that he truly does not want a R with me. Why am I fighting it so hard in my head? If he wanted to be with me and the kids he would. I am sick of this.

SO2...I thought my baby was going to come out shaking from all the crying I did thru the pregnancy, not to mention all the other stress. But I gave birth to a happy and very healthy baby boy. He is my little angel and he gives me more strngth than what I thought possible...both him and my D.
Thank God for them.
Glad you're getting lots of hugs from your D!!
J~

I can't wait for my little girl to be born. She is amazing even with the circumstances with her father.

My ex MIL just called me. I shouldn't have picked up. After some small talk about Xmas she finally started laying into me. For the most part she has been supportive...to a point. She feels that H's drinking is the sole reason he is the way he is. I believe the drinking is a part but he has other serious issues as well along the lines of typical MLC.

Anyway, she said that I was being unfair to him and he is devastated that I have cut him out of the rest of the pregnancy as long as he was behaving this way. She felt that as long as he wasn't drinking that particualar moment he ought to be allowed to come around when he wants. So in other words he can tom cat around town, drink, be an a**, but if he wants to come and be a family man he should. She said I was punishing him in the wrong way.

I gave it right back to her. I told her I was doing this to protect myself and kids. We are seriously affected by his behavior and I don't want it around. I know when the baby comes we will have to work out something, but right now there is no need.

She also layed into me because she feels that I am relying on my friends to much now and they shouldn't know personal details of the situation. That I should keep H's issues to myself and that I was slandering him. They are my support system! I am sorry she raised a flake but protecting H's reputation is not my concern. He bailed on us more than once. He is an alcoholic. His reputation speaks for itself.

Grrrr....so frustrating.

Having a down moment....I had to take my daughter to practice and pick up her friend on the way. I had to drive right by H's house. He wasn't there. He is usually home on weeknights and I know OW doesn't have her kids on T/Th nights. I am kinda thinking he is there.

Ok, pick myself up now. Realize that me and baby were easy to walk away from. Not worth it to him or he would be here fighting.

I have to work on my PMA today. Not working well. I had a long night of tossing and turning. I am getting so big that I am not comforable anymore, plus my mind was in overdrive.

I kept thinking that I am truly doing this alone. H is not going to step up. I made an appointment for Jan. 14 to see an attorney regarding cs and my rights. Maybe that has made me sad. That it really is coming to this. I haven't asked H to pay for anything yet for baby. I have bought everything so far and it would be nice for him to pay for something, but I don't know if I should. Would that give him more say in her life?

Geez, you would think after 1 1/2 years of this back and forth bs, I would get a clue that this is who H is. He cannot do it. He cannot be a real man. I picture him with OW or whoever he is with. Does he forget us? Does he pretend like life is great?