I'm sorry about the 3 year anniversary mark...you deserve so much more. It is amazing how strong we really are in the face of such ordeals! I admire you for what you are doing....how you are handling the sitch...I admire the fact that you are able to laugh and joke around even though the pain still lurks underneath! You are a wonderful example of a husband and father to your kids...they will take the lessons you are teaching them and remember them always!
Hugs!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Good morning! Lin- The recipe contest idea is interesting. I usually follow recipes, though when I think about it, I often change them, since I might not have exactly what they want, or I know the kids will want it a bit different. Maybe I can learn something! I will definitely look into it! S13 picked up a recipe card for a banana/pineapple/cream cheese dessert at the grocery store the other day. I bought all the ingredients, and he made it all by himself Tuesday! It was good. Need to teach him a bit more about the cleanup part, though!
Thanks for your comments, BA. I guess I have to laugh, how else could I get through? I don't know about the lessons, though. They sure are not seeing a good example of a marriage, from either my W or me. Some days I think they'd be better seeing no example rather than what we've got. But, you guys have really been helping, so we'll see what happens.
It has really been helpful for me to have you women in particular listening and giving advice. It really helps to see that I am not completely crazy! It is different than if the same things was coming from a guy, you know?
Well, the washer isn't running, and that needs to be remedied! I think I my need to get a bullwhip out today, and get the slaves working! (You guys know I am joking there, right? I might have to raise my voice a little to get their attention, but won't beat them.......much! Maybe I will bribe them with a dinner out?)
You are a wonderful example of a husband and father to your kids...they will take the lessons you are teaching them and remember them always!
dry, please don't take what I say all wrong ok? You seem like a great guy, full of humor to get through a bad M and cover up the pain. You seem to have a pretty good line of communication with your kids (except the condom but you've explained that) and they talk to you. But I just disagree that the lessons the kids are learning are all good. KWIM? The way your W treats not just you but all the kids is not mentally healthy. Now I know there are a lot worse things in life besides being told you're using too much soap to wash a pan, but that's just an example of control and belittling and rudeness and and and... that's creating patterns that last a lifetime.
I really believe that you need to make some boundaries of just how you will tolerate being treated by your W, and how you will 'allow' her to treat the kids too. She comes home tomorrow, are you ready? I don't mean physically in the house, I mean mentally prepared.
I know I know, do as I say not as I do. I need to set boundaries too but there's no one here except me and H knowing how he treats me behind my back - and I suppose I share that learned habit.
Now how do I sugarcoat that? add a cinnamon roll? drizzle chocolate on a croiscant? heck I don't even know to spell it! how am I suppose to cook it and drizzle it!
Good afternoon, pal. I am not taking a thing you say the wrong way!
I tried to say the same thing, more or less, when I responded to BA. The example of the marriage is not good. That's why I wonder at times if no marriage would be a better example. There are good lessons in there, too,I'm sure, but the problems are significant! And while it is easy to blame W, I have let it happen, and certainly done my part to contribute, as well. Hopefully, things can be improved!
Am I ready? I don't know. But I am more ready than I was a week ago! You guys have been very helpful there.
I made (well, opened a couple tubes) cinnamon rolls this morning. The house smelled very good! Drizzle chocolate, and they will come. Doesn't matter if you spell croissant right! (Use Firefox, it has a spell checker. Knows croissant!)
Ha! Though that is what comes in a tube, isn't it!
Well, she comes home tomorrow! I think we'll be ready. The kids have at least bought into what I've told them has to be done tomorrow, it really isn't too bad. I think I'll even have time for a haircut!
Sadly? I still don't miss her, even a little, and I am still disturbed by that. And, after thinking about the state of things, and what has happened over the past 10 years, I really don't even know what I really want. And I am disturbed by that. I'm not going to do anything too quickly, but it won't be too long, I think, before she needs to answer the question of whether she intends to address her issues. Because I can't do it for her, and as long as she doesn't, there really isn't a long term chance, I think, unless I enjoy the eunuch's life. Which I don't. So, we shall see. If she was truthful in what she said about never liking sex, then she has to do something to get to the bottom of it. Remember, as far as I can tell she is not MLC, so all of the alien, and "I don't know" stuff really doesn't apply, I don't think. I know there are things I can do to make her more comfortable here, and I intend to do those things, but she is going to have to decide what she wants. About two years ago she told me she wasn't going to work on the marriage while she was in school. So, that's done now, and I think I need to find out if she intends to now, or not. I'll bite my tongue for a little while, you all will get to help me decide when to push things!
I'll be on a bit tomorrow, I'm sure. You guys (well, more gals, actually) have been hugely helpful, and I plan to keep taking advantage of you! Hmmm, that might not have come out exactly right!
Lin, if I ever win anything with a recipe, I'll get a mattress! I may try entering the Cook Like a Pirate contest. Might be fun! Using the hook might be a challenge though! ARRRRRRRRRRG!
