Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Why I am the Way I Am

Well, I did put question marks after those because I couldn't think of the right terminology.

Maybe. The thing that makes the two of us different is that I lose my attraction for a man if he doesn't show attraction back. I think that is a self-protection mechanism I guess on my part. I wouldn't have been able to live in your M with your H but that is me. You probably would have been having hot sex with my H long before I ever did if you were his W. lol.


LFL

I'm cool with a guy being polygamous even though I'm monogamous as long as it's understood that my monogamy is only serial until I'm asked to commit.

Igor! Come here. Chop-chop. Prepare this female for cloning right away.

Then again, I can't tell you how that F logicaling breaks down so quickly once they see I'm Fing another F a lot hotter than they perceive themselves to be. Amazing how biology always overrides the will.

Also, strong monkey might do some damage to a boy's ability to be polygamous whilst sharing my company.

Maybe the ones pushing 60 or studs like Lou. Doubtful for the ones any younger though. Amazing how one's libido can be turbocharged when any half capable M can go to any number of Fs places, F them rotten, and retreat to his own bachelor pad fortress of solitude.

None of that 24/7 energy sapping baby crying, F expectations for AOS, bitchy mood swings, and nails on chalkboard F screeching over sitting on the pot after some male dum-dum forgot to replace the toilet paper roll etc etc.

Plus, sometimes it's hard for a guy to deal with the thought of a future lacking in quality time with my pilgrim soul which although it is not actually to be found between my legs tends to leave a relationship along with what is found there when my boots get to walking.

True. Most males of any status usually get tired of Fing 23 YO ditzy hard bodies and eventually would like to have a similar frame of F intelligent reference in his life so the frumpy pilgrim girl starts to look appealing.

Kind of like the Amish. "Hey, man, check out that chick in the bonnet with no makeup. I can't explain it but she is looking hot to me for some weird reason." scritchscritch.

Well, because you really are a nice guy, you make it clear to a girl that you aren't a nice guy when you respond to her profile, right?

(eye roll) Pay attention, Mojo. The NG word isn't in my vocab, hence would never appear in my profile or emails. I said back on your old thread I am a "nice PERSON and not a nice guy." Sure, sounds ticky-tack but an important distinction in my version of reality.

I only respond to men who signal St.Bernard AND Wolf. I am open to the possibility of commitment but not insisting on it from every guy I f*ck or fall "in love" with (my profile is sadly lacking in statements such as "I don't play games") and I want to hook up with guys who are operating from a similar position.

Well, sadly schmadly. Thank goodness for that. I imagine I might spit my coffee all over my computer whilst holding my convulsing belly if I saw a separated W's profile that included the line: "I don't play games."

Believe it or not, GP was not "playing" me. He really does want to get married at this point in his life and he was seriously infatuated with me for a while so was considering me as a candidate. Yup, men get foolishly infatuated too. Funny world we live in. You, of course, are impervious to that kind of thing being all currently wolf-like and therefore invulnerable.

No, I don't believe GP played you and never said I did. I have issues about GP for my own reasons. I already know why that fell apart.

Um, you weren't "in love" with him as you've already said before. Hard to feel that gut level "in love" feeling with your therapist, eh?

I don't even go there. An F starts yapping to me about her R and PAl ex, I put my finger to my full pouty lips. Shhhh.

What? Why are you doing that?

Other than some dumb online BB where I spew my dreck for free, if you want my take on your mess of an R my hourly rate is $500 per. Are we clear? Keep your male skeletons out of my bed. It's creepy.

The thing that isn't computing with you, I know, is that I remained highly sexually attracted to GP even though he was rather foolishly infatuated with me. Could it be that he was manifesting strong wolf AND puppy at the same time? How is that possible?

No, I see why you lust after him. Big guns, river rock pecs, assertive, of some principles, calling you ooo so sexy when you as much as said last year you wanted a shlub to compliment your azz at least thrice daily or weekly -- ie ego stroking that the STB apparently was too caught up inhimself to provide.

His failure IMO was he couldn't ultimately hide his neediness and placating to hold your favor and try to win your "in love-ness." The line about missed out babies, the constant phone calls etc.

But as I hinted earlier ... I have a much bigger issue with GP himself and his attraction-killing acumen.

Let me put it to you this way. And I must remind you, this is only me. Your own results may vary:

If an F I'm way into EVER calls x a Punk Azz Bitch within ear shot of me or piles on when I am grousing about her, my door would slam so hard in her face her head would spin.

That's called supplicating and placating me to the point of disrespecting someone I loved and someone with whom they have not one scintilla of experience or contact.

After all, I very well could be completely full of sh!t and the whole reason/culprit for my failed R. She should be somewhat aware of tmy amazingly one-sided bias and refrain from sucking up to my azz and taking my side so easily.

I can understand well enough why an F might do this -- after all, I do have experience with Fs and have witnessed them first-hand utterly eviscerate one another behind their GFs' backs to me, then snap in line and girl-bond with the very same gutted females.

But I can't tolerate this behavior from a man. I find it incredibly weak. Hence my big issue with GP.

So if I had any advice to any Ms who might be reading this I would urge you to NEVER debase yourself and stoop to currying favor from an F by bashing the men she has or has had in her life. That's weak game and the sucker's way out.

Annnnkkh, as NOPs might say. Placating and supplicating -- those two so dang overused words on this dang forum. It's equal and bi-directional in the M-F dynamic.

In my hypothetical situation with the F I'm thinking LTR: Not only does it kill any "in love" feeling for her but the shrapnel takes out straightup love and possibly even "like."

Nnnnnext.

-Stigmata-

(Mojo) Could it be that he was manifesting strong wolf AND puppy at the same time? How is that possible?

He was manifesting that he wanted you to take care of him? I didn't get a whole lot of that from your posts.

I suspect we're going to need a referendum soon on the male animal avatars. The female ones pretty much make sense but I think the puppy confuses people, maybe because a real puppy has a lot of monkey in it.

PS. Well, that post came off a tad edgier than I would have liked. (just a tad though)

lol

Call it post holiday melan -boughs of holly-choly.

Who's responsible for this? Where's Dana Carvey when I need him?

Could it be ... oh, I don't know....

S-A-A-A-A-T-A-N!?

chuckle...mmmpff. Nice astonishingly outdated material, Stig. You ARE losing your touch, old boy.

-Stigmata-

Actually, we're pretty much on the same wavelength because that is exactly why I decided to be okay with male polygamy even if I'm monogamous. It signals that I'm not afraid of the competition 'cause I'm not. F*ck whoever you want and don't concern yourself with any jealousy on my part. Save your concern for the guy who has reserved a bit more of his time and energy for Mojo maintenance 'cause he's next in line if you slack off. Chop-chop.



True. However, if you want to date me you'll be kept busy with various items of bunny maintenance as well as non-sexual monkey. I must be pampered and entertained. Chop-chop. Oh, yeah, plan on me invading the "pad" for frequent over-night cuddle-fests also.



In defense of my former lover for whom I still hold a certain fondness, I must state for the record that he really strongly signaled that he didn't want to call my 2bx a punk*zz loser. It just kind of came out because he was p*ssed. He actually called himself on being lame for doing it and said "You know the only reason a guy would say something like that is because he wants to get laid." Also, on one occasion he said "Old boy must have had his reasons." in defense of my 2bx's leaving me. He did do the therapist thing a bit too much but really a lot of our dialogue wasn't unlike the convos on this BB. We talked a lot about the concept of relationships and how they fail or succeed etc. we didn't just b*tch to each other about our X's.

The main reason why our relationship failed was that he f*cked up and acted a little monkey which wouldn't have been a big deal except for the fact that he tried to dominate me into forgiving him. Men sometimes think that I'm easy to handle because I'm fluidly sexual and nice and easy-going like a little toddler who will follow anyone with a sucker but....DO NOT f*cking order me around when you are the one who f*cked up or I will seriously display my other toddler characteristic which is a thoroughly oppositional ability to say "NO. NO. NO." although I may smile and act thoroughly polite while I do it.

It's too embarassing to write about mushy stuff, geez.

Caught his hand in the cookie jar, didja?

What. He didn't jump through enough of your forgiveness hoops so pulled the "I'm gonna hold my breath till I turn blue until you forgive me for pulling the stool to the counter, mommy" little boy scowl?

Hm, your detachment concerning polygamy now makes more sense.

Glad to see he at least was able to catch himself (after the fact unfortunately) about his horrible tactics to get laid.

Many of his comments irked me obviously as I told you previously -- especially very very early on when he said things like, Mr. Mojo obviously didn't know how to be a strong leader of his house ... or something to that effect on your first few dates.

Made me want to elbow Mr. Mojo hard in the ribs until he retorted:

Well, and, judging from his history, GP is obviously a man who is incapable of maintaining/sustaining a 20 year R -- no matter how flawed it may have been.

-Stigmata-

PS. I will entertain overnights at the pad but no unannounced visits. More, for starters I will reserve a small portion of my dresser for earrings and similar small items and the additional exception of a toothbrush. No more.

And the place will be tossed like a prison guard searching for shivs and contraband. Sneaky Fs. Always trying to deposit "territory markings" in out of the way places that other Fs might see.

It signals that I'm not afraid of the competition 'cause I'm not. F*ck whoever you want and don't concern yourself with any jealousy on my part. Save your concern for the guy who has reserved a bit more of his time and energy for Mojo maintenance 'cause he's next in line if you slack off. Chop-chop.

Hm. I get the philosophy but have found it a little more difficult in terms of practical RL application.

For instance. I once had this slightly older lover; cute petit busty doctor who admitted to me later she got hot for me while examining me in her exam room.

Made it clear she was detached from anything more than sexual from day one. Could do whatever I wanted. Worked for me.

Ah, but then one day after a particularly intense window-rattling weekend session at her apt., she curled up like a cat on my ample lap on her recliner and purred:

"I ... um ... I reallly .... REALY .... (big pause...deliberating...deliberating...remembering her silly rule) like you."

Shame on her. She lied to me. Boo hoo. I agreed to her demands and remained impartial. She couldn't.

I walked away and I'm pretty sure, since F biology usually overrides self-imposed logic framework, she convinced herself I was the bad guy cad.

I doubt she tried that tactic again. I really have yet to meet an F who can remain so impartial - non-jealous for any modicum of time. At least not any F of real quality above, say, strippers or gold diggers ... both of whom hijack Ms skulls and make them behave in some really really insane power-hemorrhaging castrated ways.

The strippers, usually abused, are usually so damaged they get drunk with male manipulation powerr and are, therefore detached from a lack of overall respect for the male gender and are fine with polygamy -- maybe even throw in some three and foursomes with other Fs without even an eye twitch over her man doing another F right in front of her (usually b/c she's hot for the F too in omnivore fashion)

The gold diggers are usually princesses who begrudgingly blow the old gnarly king to live in material luxury while chasing after handsome immature alpha male princes and are therefore detached due to their overarching narcissism -- which, when a M slacks off, as you say, they just go find another toy to play with.

Like I said. Have yet to meet a high quality F impervious to jealousy.

I remove my chivalrous cap and respectfully bow to you for your temerity in accomplishing such a daunting task, Mojo.

-Stigmata-

Not that simple. First off, I actually kind of doubt that he stepped out on me sexually. You have to remember that he was pushing for commitment/monogamy more than me. He told me not to sleep with him unless I trusted him. I believe his exact words were something along the lines of "Because if a woman doesn't trust me I can smell it, taste it.." Also, he was too health-conscious about such matters to take polygamy very lightly. However, he was up to something and lying to me about it but I still don't know exactly what it was. Anyways, he hadn't called me in a few days which was unusual and I was running a fever and he left a message on my voice mail along the lines of "Hey baby, I've been out of town and I just got back blah, blah, blah." and I didn't feel like dealing because of the fever so I didn't call him back right away so he called me about an hour later and was like all Bad Daddy "Didn't you get my message." as in "I'm back in town so you best haul *ss back into the corral little bunkey even though I've been out and about doing whatever I so desire." To which my internal response was "No." but my external response was all saccharine politeness and that's when he complimented me for being the "least vengeful woman he ever dated" and thereby sealed his fate.



His longest relationship was 12 years with the female body builder who was the mother of his first son. He was a flawed human being like the rest of us. Your first clue should have been his desire to date anyone as bunkey as me.

LOL- Well, like you said, women usually get jealous if they perceive the OW to be more "hot". Once you become as objective about objectification as me you don't really emotionally react to the fact that another woman is more "hot". It would be like a guy emotionally reacting to the fact that he drives a Pick-up and the guy next door drives a Mercedes. If he really wants to be the owner of a Mercedes there are efforts he can make in that direction and/or if he wants to get full value for his Pick-Up on the open market he should look for buyers with stuff to haul.

For instance, one of the guys I am hanging with now likes his women big, curvy, soft and tall. He told me an amusing story about the one time he dated a little skinny woman. He made the sex sound like a Rottweiler choking on a chicken bone. I would actually be "hotter" in his book if I sat around for a few months on the sofa eating bon-bons and not exerting myself too much. Should I feel jealous if he chose a woman more exactly his type of "hot" than me. Why should I be any more jealous if I was with a guy whose standards were more conventional?

The same holds true for any other kind of thing beyond "hotness" I might feel jealous about. Either I don't have it and I can't have it so no effort will matter or I don't have it because I've made the choice not to make the effort to get it so I need to live with that choice.