Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Confusion of a WAW (Thread 5)

She's coming over today, so we'll see what she is like. Maybe this is what she needs to do in order to really crash and burn. She hasn't eaten much since we went out together on Thursday evening, and I know she isn't sleeping much. Aside from yesterday, she was consistently initiating contact every day when I didn't talk to her.

I'm going to find out what she is doing for New Year - Both Eve and Day are her nights with D, and she'll have D all day on Tuesday, so it'll be interesting to see if she has anything planned.

I'm not sure how much of what is going on is my perception, or the reality - It is her weekend without D, so she's entitled to do whatever she wants.

I'm not going to say she isn't entirely, but today was a good day. Turns out W was sick yesterday and barely made it out of the house most of the day... She actually apologized for not letting me know she was sick, since I had called her to check to make sure she was okay but she never answered. W came over around lunch time, so we went out for lunch together with D, then we went to help W pick out some fabric to make curtains for her house. On the way back to my house we swung by W's house to pick up her laptop so she could help me get some stuff listed on eBay. She had her bed made up on the couch so she could watch TV yesterday. We got back here, put D to bed, then W and I started to pack up some stuff around the house, then we ended up watching TV together for about three hours rather than doing anything else. W looked really burned out and exhausted - She didn't eat Friday or yesterday, so she was really out of it. She helped me post some stuff on eBay to sell and we ended up going through a lot of old pictures and movies. We watched a bunch of old D movies from maybe a year or so ago (including some from last Christmas), which got us both a little teared up.

We woke D up, went out for dinner, did some shopping and got some stuff from Starbucks to bring home. W spend a while giving D a bath, then we played together for a while before D went to bed. W was really friendly and nice to me today, which isn't unusual as of late. She again thanked me really sincerely for her Christmas gift and told me that she never thought she would have something like that because she could never afford it. I told her I wanted her to have something special. She said that she was trying to think up a way to say thank you to me, and that a guy from work had suggested she 'put out' - I just laughed and smiled. I gave her a big hug and told her that I got all the satisfaction I needed from seeing the look on her face when she opened it. She told me she all of her satisfaction from playing with D and I tonight.

I kept D tonight and will take her to school tomorrow. W was on the fence about going to work tomorrow, since she still felt like crap. At first we were going to go to her parents' tomorrow night so D could play with her cousins, but then W changed her mind. I suggested that we get together with D for a while and just take it easy and watch a movie or something. W seemed pretty receptive to that. Tonight when she left I asked her to let me know what she was doing tomorrow night, and she said she'd probably do nothing because she "didn't care about New Year and wasn't feeling good". I guess we will see what she has to say about it tomorrow.

When she left we did the usual hug, kiss, ILY thing - I think I over did the kissing because she said she couldn't breathe through her nose. She also mentioned not to push because she mentioned 'putting out' - She didn't mad or annoyed about it though

I would think the fact that your W mentioned putting out that she actually considered it. I'm not saying she is willing, but at least she is thinking. I actually managed to perk a little interest from my H tonight before he left. At this point I think anything more than interest isn't a good idea as it would add to the confusion.

By the way, you get a mushy awe from me for your response to W about the look on her face being thanks enough. I'm sure you were very sincere, and that was very thoughtful of you.

W has been a lot more open to more touching and flirting recently, but I know that if we get back to that sort of relationship, it's going to be a long time. It was the first thing to go, and it'll be the last thing to come back (maybe).

Funny thing is, when she said it and I smiled, she just said "Don't think about it - I need to go to the bathroom". Not exactly the "I hate your guts - You're never seeing me naked again" response I got from her a few months ago when anything remotely physical came up.



I said it with absolute sincerity and honesty - I think it came through to W.

W talked a bit about OM again tonight too. Mostly she was very critical and was almost making fun of decisions he makes. Sounds like a line of BS to me, although I don't get why she would feel she has to hide anything - We've been separated for two months and she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want an R (even though her actions suggest otherwise). Of course, she says she doesn't want an R with anyone, so she's obviously full of crap.

she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want an R (even though her actions suggest otherwise). Of course, she says she doesn't want an R with anyone, so she's obviously full of crap.[/quote]
man they are all alike in many ways.....text book stuff....you are very patient...I can see the SLOW progress in your sitch...wishing you all the best

I need this reminder often: Don't believe 100% of what they say and 50 % of what they do.

Patience is pretty easy - I'm just giving her time and space to do her thing, taking care of D and knowing that I'll be okay and that W would be a million times better off with me rather than on her own. W hasn't made any effort to file or even set up a legal separation, so I don't think she's in any hurry to bail out.

Today was an interesting day - Went better than I expected, but nothing spectacular.

I was taking boxes down to my storage facility, so I called W on the way and asked if she was going to pick up her car today (she has a second, project car). She said she took the day off work sick and she was going to come over later and do it - I suggested I pick her up, so she could drive her car back home and not worry about having to go back and forth. She sounded very receptive to it, so I dropped the boxes off and went by W's house - I got there 30mins earlier than I said I would, but she didn't mind. We drove back to my house and she tried to start the car, and guess what, it didn't start. Battery was dead. Cables were at her house, so we went out to get a set. W suggested we get lunch first... Ended up at Applebee's, which is pretty gross, but it was quiet. First time W and I have had lunch together alone since we were out of town almost three weeks ago - It was nice, although W was quiet and still really sick. She just looked totally burned out and exhausted. She talked some about OM, something about him having porn on his computer and going to Toronto and seeing strippers. I mostly just listened and I talked a little about 'poor choices' that people make. She agreed with me about it all, but I'm not sure if it was just BS.

We got back home and got her car started. She drove it around a bit, then she drove it home with me following just in case it died along the way. She was very appreciative of me helping her, and gave me a huge hug and kiss. I ended up leaving pretty quickly, but asked her if she had figured out what she was doing tonight. "We might do something, but probably not" was the response I got. I just said "okay", hug/kiss/ILY/ILY2 and off I went.

She IMed me later asking if she could pick up D's antibiotics (she has an ear infection) when she gets D. I told her I was home and she could just stop by. Maybe an hour later she shows up, with D in the car, so I get the stuff together for her and go out to the car to see D - On the way out her sister calls my cell and asks if we can pick up some formula for her baby on the way over. I said something more intelligent than "huh?", but just gave the phone to W. When she got off the phone, I asked if she was going over to her parents - She had told me over the weekend that she wasn't going over there because she didn't want to get everyone sick. She just looked at me confused and asked "Aren't you coming?". I grabbed my coat, and off we went. W was quiet the whole way there and back, and really cranky. She bit the head off people over there a few times, especially when we got there and there was no food for us (they usually order pizza, but W didn't really plan ahead for this).

W dropped me off at home around 11pm - D was sleeping in the car. She hugged and kissed me in the car, told me HNY. I ended up gathering some stuff together for D and putting it in W's car, but W was obviously tired and cranky, so I left it at that and let them drive home. W has D pretty much all week, so we'll see how that goes. I had her from Christmas Eve through to this morning, so W wanted to give me some 'time off'.

W seems like she's starting to head back into WAW mode. She's not talking, not really making any decisions and certainly not being consistent. Even during lunch I suggested she went to the doctor to get something for her sinus infection - Yes, no, yes, no.

I think I'm going to back off a little - I'll do the same stuff when we're together, but I'm going to make a point not to initiate contact with her unless it's something important or about D. No IM, no calls, nothing. We seem to get into weird patterns of talking off and on every day, which is isn't bad, but I want her to want it and seek it out, rather than just go along with it.

Happy New Year Brit! I hope you are looking forward to 2008 being a much better year. I have faith in your abilities to do that.

My H has been sick for 3or4 weeks now and won't go to the doctor either. H starts feeling a little better and then he gets worse again. I am starting to think he has no immune system left. Hopefully your W and my H will decide they are tired of being sick and see a dr.

You really are a great dad. I can't imagine my H taking care of the Ds for a week now let alone at your Ds age.

Today was just a big old bag of suck. Great start to the year...

I spent pretty much all of my driving back and forth from this house to my storage space. I think I moved 70 or so file boxes and a bunch of other stuff. I still haven't found anywhere else to live yet, so I'll need to figure that out - I'm going to ask W to help me, not as a guilt thing, just because she has always been good at finding great little places to live. I didn't eat anything today, and just drank a bunch of water and apple juice.

I ended up going by W's house this afternoon and picking up some empty boxes she had - I called beforehand, and she didn't seem to care either way about me going over. D went crazy when I got there, so I played with her for a bit before I left. She was hysterical when I left without her, so I ended up bawling my eyes out in the car on the way home. W was wearing the same clothes she has for the last couple of days (just with a different t-shirt) - I guess she is going for a 'dressed down' look right now. I don't think she and D even left the house today. Got a nice hug/kiss/ILY when I left.

I got home pretty late because the weather is so bad, and ended up talking to W for a while on IM. She seems like she's in full on WAW mode right now - Totally checked out to everything going on around her. It's pretty frustrating, but I guess that's the way it is for now. Found out she blew off dinner on Saturday to go over to OM's house to watch movies, then lied to me about it the next day (told me she was sick and sleeping at home). I can't say for certain, but as far as I know she has not been AT ALL deceptive about what she is doing for the last few months (at least since early October). It's a shame she got back to that point, but I guess it has to run it's course.

I ended up writing her an e-mail tonight - Nothing too mushy, just asking about D tomorrow and explaining why I was in a bad mood tonight. I ended up just sending it to myself. I sent her another one just saying "give me a call if you want me to pick up D in the morning" and left it at that. She logged out of IM after talking to me, so I'm not sure if she'll even check her e-mail before the morning.

Also today in my moving efforts I came across a box full of W's old journals from the late 80s/early 90s. Yeah, it's wrong, but I ended up reading a few of the entries. It broke my heart how lost and miserable my W was then - Obsessing over guys for months on end, searching for love, wanting to be part of something yet not really having any friends at all. I could probably take a page or two, switch out dates and names, and it'd fit my W to to a tee right now. Maybe I can't make her believe that a M with me is the right thing, but I know how much she searches for love - Not just romantic love, but someone she can rely on and love in return. She's told me that in the past, but it never really clicked with me.

So, in spite of everything that has happened, my goal for this year is to demonstrate unconditional love to my W, even if it is not returned. Maybe she won't see it for a while; maybe never. But if I can be someone who can make her life even a little easier, then I know it will have been worth it. Detaching is close to impossible right now - Maybe since she's backed off a bit things might change there, but we always end up spending so much time together I end up just flipping back and forth too much.

This is long and I need to stop typing. Guess I need to buy my own journal to write in.