Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Confusion of a WAW (Thread 5)

That struck a chord. When I hear of people getting married, my first thought is, "I wonder how long that will last?" I'm so jaded.

I've not done any so far - I'm in the process of finding somewhere else to live, so it'll probably have to wait until next month due to the chaos that will be involved in relocating.

I would be tempted to do one and see if I get any value out of it. Not in a "Does it make a difference" sense, but "Is this something that I couldn't do on my own".

Brit,

I tried the coaching sessions and I think it helped me. I had been putting it off because I thought it could do it on my own, but it really did make me feel a little better about what I've been doing and what may not be the best approach. I also know if I get stuck or thrown for a loop I can call the coach and refocus and get back on track.

They may not be for everyone and they aren't cheap, but they could help.

I recommend the coaching....it will make you feel good about yourself, give you confidence, and set you on course to give you the best opportunity to succeed. We are all rookies at this, it's best to get the best advice available, even if it costs a little bit. What is your life worth?

Well, not communicating with W hasn't been too successful so far... W IM'd me about some stuff she left for me at D's daycare (movies + a bill for here that got misdirected). I was polite and happy, but short with her. I ended up leaving work this morning because I felt like I was going to puke, but ended up going by a couple of houses for rent rather than go straight home. I was walking around and decided that since I was close to W, I might as well ask her out to lunch. I called, told her where I was, asked if she wanted lunch, she said yes, I went to get her.

I picked W up outside her office. I'd not go as far as saying she was miserable, but she is very depressed right now. We did talk a lot on the ride and while we were at lunch, but W just seemed like she had no idea what to do with herself. She hardly ate anything at all over lunch - Said she was feeling unwell.

She seemed genuinely interested in my house hunting endeavors... She even suggested that I stay with her for a while until I get everything moved and get a new place set up. I've no idea if that is a good thing or not, but since I've got little more than a week before I have to be out of here, I don't think I have much of a choice.

Okay, need some input here.

D and I went to look at a house tonight - Really nice, price is right, great area. Won't be available until next month, so I'll have maybe a 3-4 week window between leaving here and going there (assuming I get it).

1) W said I could stay with her for that time earlier today. She said that a LONG time ago (like October, before she wanted to try again for that weekend). Weird that she just came out with it today - On the one hand, it's probably a great opportunity to DB my ass off and show W what living together can be like, even show her she can retain her independence while living with me. On the flip side, I can see some potential negatives... Maybe it's the wrong time to be 'forced' together.

2) The place I'm looking at is less than a mile from W's new house. She said a while ago she wanted me close by, but I don't know if this is 'too close'. It's certainly not a case of she or I having to drive by each other's house every day when we go to work or go to the store.

Or maybe I just need to do what I want, and not bring W into the mix.

Any suggestions?

Hey Brit,
What are your other choices??
I would say one of the most importnant things to consider is if it will have an impact on your D. Would it confuse her? She's proabably young enough that it won't, but something to think about.

I would jump at the chance for this, but I'm not saying that it is the right thing to do. Do you think your W has offered this strictly to get you out of a bind...or do you think she is trying to feel things out?


What do you want?

Seems I've asked more questions than I've answered!
J~

Worst case, I could probably stay with the ILs for a week or two, or find an extended stay hotel.



I don't think it would make a whole lot of difference with her, although she is becoming more aware when one of us isn't around - If we're together with D and one of us leaves, she goes CRAZY and screams none stop until we come back. I can't even drop W at a store and have her run in to get something without D having a fit.



I have no idea what is going on with W. She's basically in a big black hole right now, so maybe it's just a guilt thing for her. Of course, she has been telling me for the last two months that she couldn't deal with living with anyone again, so maybe she's curious.



I just want minimal disruption to my life, D's life and W's life. I also want the time to make some good decisions - I don't have the luxury of time like W did when she was looking for somewhere and moving. She took two months (Sept & Oct) - I've got maybe 10 days

This is just my opinion, but I don't think that you should move in with your W for a whole month. That's a long time if what she wants is space to figure herself out. If it was just a week or two then I would say go for it. It's also long enough for your D to adjust to you both being together again and then you're going to split back up. She seems to be aware of when you are both together and gets upset when you're not. If you want minimal disruptions, then moving in with her isn't the answer.

I would keep looking to find something that's more move in ready or try to find a short term alternative. There are furnished apartments that you can get on a month to month basis out there. Maybe you could look into one of those for the interim.

Just my opinion, take it as you will.

Peace,
B

I don't know Brit...maybe try it for a week and see how it goes.
I think the IL's sounds like a better option than the hotel though...only because the hotel may be difficult with your D.

Can you extend the deadline for where you are now at all? Maybe even by a week? This would at least decrease the time you'd need to rely on your W's place.

Part of me thinks why not give it a try and see how it goes at your W's...what do you have to lose? Literally, weigh out what you may lose by doing so against the benefits.

At least you know your D would be comfortable there and if you (just you) had to go stay elsewhere for a night or two you still could.

Sorry you find yourself in this situation and sorry I'm not much help!
J~