Why is it I wonder that the people who can just go jump in bed with someone while they are married seem to marry people who never could? Do we have some hidden message on our forehead....hey cheat away and we will stay....
Short1, I guess the short answer is...maybe people who have integrity are attracted to people who don't.
Last night sucked.
My little Klingon called at 0730 pm to let me know she was going out with some friends for a little while after work(At least she called). She finally came home around 1130. I was in bed. Her cell phone was on the desk this morning. I shouldn't have looked, but I did. She called her dentist last night around 10 pm. I'm thinking she stopped to get her teeth checked on the way home.
I think things are going to get really bad now...before they get better...if they ever do. I'm going to be needing you guys...
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
They're attracted to what we got that they don't. Isn't that one of the constants of human nature? Mine dated a lot of guys before me, dropped them like hot rocks when she was though with them. I was "different", represented stability, integrety, values, family (which she was ready to start). Since she has reverted to adolsence, she is now behaving like she did before me. Kinda makes sense, doh!
Bombadier,
Detatch man, detatch. She is already gone. You can't do anything to help or stop her. She has served notice of her intentions and therefore feels more than justified in her actions. She has also recently been "busted" by her son and faced that fear so there is really nothing (if there ever was) to hold her back or slow her down. I'm advising you to detatch for your sake, not hers. Involvement in what she is doing will only serve to hurt you. Think of you W as posessed, on vacation, dead, mentally ill, whatever it takes but detatch.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Hey Sleep, I'm here, but just not doing too good the past couple of days. She was cold and distant all weekend. I'm trying to detach and just be friendly and helpful, but I'm just dying inside. The strength I had before seems gone now.
We had dinner at the neighbor's Saturday night. She excused herself early to go home to bed because she had to get up and go to work Sunday morning. I stayed for another hour and walked home. When I got home, she was talking to the EA OM. I was a little disgusted at that so I made the mistake of just going up to bed without saying goodnight.
Well, last night she ripped my head off for that. Demanded an apology. Told me I really hurt her feelings. I heard "There's so much more to life" and "I've just had enough" more than once.
So last night was horrible. Couldn't sleep. Worries just saturated my brain to the point of feeling panic...couldn't shut them off. Slept for maybe an hour. Of course, when I'm tired, I'm even worse at shutting off my brain, and everything seems even more hopeless.
She will come home tonight, and I just don't know if I can bear another evening of her attacks. I hope she'll just let us be at peace.
Tomorrow we see the MC. I'm so, so scared about it. I hope the antidepressant kicks in soon, because I don't know how much longer I can feel like this.
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Hang in there Bomb, you're gonna make it through this. I speak from experience.
Great that you're taking AD's. I'm taking them too. It can take a few weeks for them to kick in and give you the full benefit. Even then you won't necessarily feel like a million bucks but you'll be able to function. My C put it this way; they're not supposed to numb you to the point of not feeling, just level out the extremes.
The attacks/fighting is par for the course. The silver lining in that cloud is you know something is not right with your spouse. There is nothing wrong with you. They will tell you there is and its all your fault, but believe me when I say it ain't about you. They can get pretty holier than thou at this time, act all insulted because of something we said or didn't say (It's OK for her to talk to OM but how dare you go to bed without saying goodnight).
Keep detatching, keep yourself busy. Ask doc for something to help you sleep if you need to. Hope for the best but plan for the worst. You're gonna be OK. You are so far ahead of where I was at this stage of the game.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Sleeper, Thanks man, I needed that. You are a saint.
Good point about her talking to the OM. MLCers are just so talented at making you feel like sh*t it's amazing.
I am just no good when I don't sleep. I have got to find something that takes my mind away...crosswords...sudoku...something. Unless it really grabs me and pulls me in deep, my mind will wander back to my misery. Depending on how helpful the MC is, I might try and find a shrink this week.
How are you doing, my good friend?
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
I am fighting the good fight as best I can, still searching for that fine line between "doormat" and "open to reconciliation." Hey, that reminds me, they're not only great at making you feel like crap and this is all your fault, you'll find they're just as adept at manipulating you to do insane stuff like move out of your house.
If you want to read some specific crazyness (hers and mine) go to "Holiday Shuffle"
The most effective thing to make you feel better is time.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.
Well, from what I've read, last night was classic MLC.
We're at the dinner table, and I'm trying to make harmless small talk. But the Klingon is deep in thought. Finally, after a long pause, she looks at me straight in the eye and says:
"You broke my heart." "And I don't know if it can be fixed."
It took me a minute to digest this, but then I realized how I broke her heart: by confronting her over her EA several weeks ago. Apparently, expressing my discomfort over her "friendship" was enough to break her heart. Okay, fine. But if that "breaks her heart", doesn't that make it more than a friendship?
Oh...silly me. That's MLC talking.
So I just said that I was sorry she feels that way.
And since she couldn't get a reaction out of me for that one, she decided to throw in this gem:
"Maybe all that was holding us together was the kids."
I just looked at her and smiled gently and said: "I think alot of couples go through this when the last kid leaves the house. I think it's pretty common. I think MC might help us navigate through it." Blah, blah, blah.
We stare at each other. Finally, she gets noticeably irritated at my refusal to jump into the hole with her and says "TALK!"
Me: "I think these would all be good things to bring up at MC tomorrow."
She just sat there, staring off into space. I cleared the table.
I wonder if she's nervous about MC...afraid that her little sham won't stand the light of day? And then she'll have to decide...
I got a good night's sleep last night, and things don't look quite as hopeless today. But they still look pretty bad. I'm going to the doctor today, and I'll see if she'll give me something to help me sleep. I'm a mess when I don't sleep...everything looks worse.
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
