Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #11

Imageer, PH had recommended the books to me and I purchased them directly from Rejoice. They came very quickly. It is interesting since Bob Steinkamp gives his perspective. I think your spouse is showing more external signs than mine that things are not all rosy. I do believe my W is having issues, maybe just as great but she is extremely skilled at keeping her feelings hidden.

Buddy, I am so sorry that your W is acting this way. My W did not call the kids on Christmas until after 9pm. And I think she did because I had the kids call and leave a message on her cell phone wishing her a Merry Christmas.

None of this is normal and the consistent loving way you are handling everything is being noticed. I think she is not able to handle it since her reactions are being the way they are. I don't know if that makes sense. Keep on keeping on!

MMF, PH, Thanks. I'm going to get those books. We didn't hear from W again today. I'm stunned. She calls me almost every day but she hasn't called her kids during the holidays.

MMF, my W has always been good at hiding what she is feeling too. Sadly, if she hadn't, I'd like to think that we would have worded through what was bothering her long before she decided to leave. (How's that for a paradox) Anyway, she is still good at hiding it and the external things are very subtle. That is why I'm always wondering if I'm seeing what I tyhink I'm seeing or if she is really happy doing what she is doing. However, then she does something like not calling the kids over Christmas.

Imageer, I think that you are seeing your W as I was seeing my W before she went on AD. My W has resumed being more consistently in contact with our children although I saw her spend the afternoon with our D catching Enchanted only to drop her off earlier than she needed to. She went back to her apartment, I hope, to rest instead of spending time with the OP.

My W has become a little more sweet to me and actually gave me a hug when she left Christmas Eve. I love that woman and it is so difficult not to tell her that she will always hold my heart.

Hang in there buddy. There are too many signs showing that eventually your W will have to face her demons and realize where she truly belongs.

I agree. I have to learn to not second guess myself thought, that is what gets me down.

I truely believe that both our Ws will find their way home and I am prepared to wait. I think my W has been depressed for at least a couple of years now and I don't think she even realizes it. I was thinking about the things she said the other day and it points to depression too. "I'm misserable", "I go to bed and cry myself to sleep" (she always went to bed earlier then I did) "I have to leave so that I'm not always angry when with the kids", and so on. It has taken me months to figure out what is really going on here and I still don't think I have the whole picture.

Wow! She is saying a lot here. Do you think, and I think we talked about this before, that she has distanced herself from you and the children because she knows she is not healthy for them?

If that is the case, I wish she would face her problems and work them out instead of running away. I have felt the same way about my W. I do see her getting closer to our children. I have also seen other signs that, although she doesn't allow me to be close to her, that she is bring material and "live" objects closer to her. She was wearing a Christmas sweatshirt I gave her several years ago when I saw her earlier and she wants our cat (I gave our cat to her seven Christmas' ago) in her apartment. She has the teddy bear that I gave her about 8 years ago and many other things.

On a funny note, I tease the kids when they say they don't know if they want to spend the night, I will say "I will spend the night with your mom in your place". That always gets a chuckle from them.

My W is not at all consistent as far as I can tell. She'll call the kids 3 days in a row and tell the kids that she misses them and that she loves them and then she will do something like this or tell them that she is going to be busy and won't call them. (To me there isn't many places in this world where there isn't a phone and 5 minutes in a week to call your kids.)

W was suppose to take our cat when she moved out but then she came up with ever excuse why she couldn't (All crap, she just didn't want to) so I still have the cat and the dog here. We have had the dog for 10 years and she is an animal lover. She would get the dog to lay on the bed with her every night when she went to bed. She hasn't asked about the dog once since she moved out. Although she may have asked the kids. Also, I'm pretty sure that she took a picture of us on our honeymoon when she moved.



I'm not sure, but I don't think so. I think she is just running. I also still come back to her following the life of bad friend. Interesting though, the other day she was speaking like she hadn't talked to bad friend in a while. I'm sure you know this, but in my case bad friend is not OW.

I could be wrong, but I believe she is displaying her depression by distancing. I know that if I am incredibly sad, which is rare, I don't want to do anything or be near anyone. I look for distractions from the real world. The OP is definitely an unreal distraction, dontcha think?

intersting observation. I'll have to think on that.

It hurts my head if I think too hard

What I do know is that W has some very morally questionable people advicing her.