"We never spent any time together" (yeah, because you were on the computer for 5 hours every night)
So true!! My D13 mentioned to me about a month into our sitch that "Mommy needs to stop playing her game so much. You two lost your interaction, you need to go on a date." I kid you not, these were her words.
Amazing that a 13 year old could see that. Our counselor said "Wow, how intuitive."
This one hit home w/ me too. On my H's list of grievences was that it was the Ds and me and then him. H didn't feel apart of the family. Yet when he is at the house he spends a majority of the time on the computer, even when I'm not there. Too bad he can't bond w/ the Ds and me as much as the computer.
Mako, my W too thinks this summer we're all going to the cottage with friends like every other year! She was even talking about a family trip with other families a year or two from now! I think they just want to deny the impact of what they've chosen to do. In their minds, it can't be that bad if all the family stuff stays the same. It's a fantasy and we just have to be careful not to fall into the trap of feeling guilty when we say "no way, Jose!" Because it then becomes us LBS's who are seen as breaking up the family, in our S's heads anyway. It's kind of like walking a tightrope, isn't it!
My therapist said it this way yesterday: "Your wife and you have entirely different PERCEPTIONS of the world around them, your perception comes from being forced INTO reality everyday, and hers perception comes from attempting to ESCAPE FROM THE REALITY SHE HAS CREATED everyday. So, having said that of course she is going to see things differently."
The way I see it, the farther you move from reality the closere you become to insanity, so nothing she ever says and in fact nothing said on this entire board comes as a huge surprise, these people are caught in a divorce trap, their brains have been captured and they dont make any sense to the rest of us down here on earth.
Me: 37, engineer, former Marine Her: 33, HS dropout, retail sales Kids: 3 Daughters 11,9,3 2 Dogs Seperated since Jun07
Gosh for got one of the most mind boggling ones, just hit me. This was before we seperated and after I found out about affair #2, we were fighting and she was trying to convince me (and herself) that I am a controlling psycho.
"You just cant stand the idea of me sleeping with another man"
-uh, duh?
Me: 37, engineer, former Marine Her: 33, HS dropout, retail sales Kids: 3 Daughters 11,9,3 2 Dogs Seperated since Jun07
Hey, don't forget my W's latest over Christmas, "I just want us to still be family!" Will that family include your OP? Just asking! Yup, they sure do think differently, don't they.
After her first visit to an individual counselor....
"It was a great meeting, it made me think a lot and question myself a lot. I'm not going again, because I don't really want to think about this, I much prefer to operate from my intuition."
