And I guess I should clarify my 'seeking honesty' claim.
I'm actually looking for someone who can BE honest... and wants the same from me... so for example, if the guy were to say to me... 'I sleep around and I don't always use a rubber...' then I can say... 'oh, thanks for telling me...' and I can then decide to only have sex with the man if he wears a rubber, or I figure it is best to just be friends with him. OR... I have sex with him anyways... but then do not get mad at him or hold him responsible for any STD I might pick up.
Hmmm...maybe because you are not being honest with yourself. ...You seem to like control.
Yeah... I can see how you'd think that...
But I really do not seek to control others... I don't like it when people do it to me. Manipulated.
Quote:
Or maybe it's in the way you seek this "honesty" that makes people feel like you are controlling?
I think it is probably my reactions to being manipulated... I guess it is because the guys I've been with know... I have no problem being on my own, and I WILL walk away.
Quote:
Or maybe you give off vibes that they can't be honest with you because you will give them the smack down. I dunno...
I think it's because I'm very clear on that boundary... it's even a three-strike rule... and I think women with firm boundaries stun most men.
Well... if I'm dating casually, I'd always use a rubber when having sex. Then I don't have to worry if the guy is being honest with me or not.
But when the double-standard it put in play... "Corri, you be exclusive with me... and I'm telling you that I'm exclusive with you... but I'm going to see what I can get away with..."
THAT is the problem. Especially during dating... because it is dating...
But when the double-standard it put in play... "Corri, you be exclusive with me... and I'm telling you that I'm exclusive with you... but I'm going to see what I can get away with..."
So is that what happened with the boyfriend? Good riddance. That's just player behavior.
But when the double-standard it put in play... "Corri, you be exclusive with me... and I'm telling you that I'm exclusive with you... but I'm going to see what I can get away with..."
So is that what happened with the boyfriend?
No. I was just using that as an example. What happened with the boyfriend was his participation on AdultFriendFinder... me telling him that was not acceptable to me... him saying okay... it will stop... and then me discovering that he was back on it and conversing with others... looking up people in the cities to which he travels... and him breaking his word.
I think I'm way more liberal than most women about porn. But his daily consumption of it... just the sheer volume that he views... the interaction with others... and him covering it up...
Major, major, major red flag.
Thoughts welcome. I mean, my decision is made... but I am bewildered by the compulsion in general...
Corri ended a R with a bf? What happened with the boyfriend was his participation on AdultFriendFinder... me telling him that was not acceptable to me... him saying okay... it will stop... and then me discovering that he was back on it and conversing with others... looking up people in the cities to which he travels... and him breaking his word.
Ending the R is what I would have done had I been in your shoes and was dating a woman. It sounds like what most respectable men-women would do. ^5.
About rubbers? I think you screen your BF's but wouldn't you feel less prone to STD's if you used ?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_condom
Dont you worry about STDs? I do. (Rubbers... only give me so much in terms of 'sense of security.') And because of that, I think I tend to stick to one person at a time. Tho quite honestly... that doesn't really do a girl much good if the person you are dating is out there with his dip stick is various cans of oil, and on top of it, not protecting himself, and therefore, not protecting me. So I MAY AS WELL be out there, doing my own thing, picking my own people, having my own fun.
I have the ability to be emotionally detached enough to have and enjoy a lover (or maybe two or three). To be, as you say, a little bit in love and a bit more in lust. Actually, I'm probably better suited to that than a LTR.
I can see that I'm not explaining myself very well. I would have to be emotionally detached in order to NOT have and enjoy a "lover". If I was emotionally detached, I would have a "f*ckbuddy". Probably I shouldn't have said "little bit in love" what I meant was more like "in love for a little bit". I have no desire to be a ruthless take-what-I-want-and-leave person. Although, I could paraphrase BF and state quite appropriately that I shouldn't be overly concerned with caring for the puppy dogs of grown*zz men.
Let me see if I can do a better job explaining. I am probably going out with a guy next week who seems perfectly nice and normal. Somebody who would seemingly make a perfectly respectable BF/LTR partner. However, if I start out dating him thinking that way, it's like I'm thinking about buying a used car((blech)and I can't even look forward to the date. However, if I think of him as a potential lover (and I don't just mean sexual partner I'm pretty big on romance and all sorts of generalized affectionate man-handling these days) then I get a little excited and happy about the prospect. If I focus too much on security issues then I turn myself off.
Quote:
That makes it sound like I'm looking for somebody who is perfect. I'm not. I'm looking for honesty... and I'll be damed wondering why that is so flipping hard to find. \:\)
Well, the simple answer is that people have a hard time even being honest with themselves. I think setting boundaries in a relationship shows that you care so sometimes you need to ask yourself if you honestly care before you set a boundary or you risk being emotionally dishonest. I am free to decide for myself the extent to which I wish to be either monogamous or committed or available in certain ways in a relationship until/unless a man throws up a boundary but I won't throw up a boundary myself until I am certain I care enough and have the strength to maintain it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
