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I just wanted to stop by and wish you a Happy New Year. I hope that you have a great year in your marriage and life. I'm still trying to get mine on track. I'm DB'ing better sometimes and not so well others. I just wanted to say hello.

hi blindsided - dbing is a constant work in progress... you'll get to where you need to be, just look how far you've come. happy new year to you too... Thanks!

Anne,

so did you take your internet slap well, hope so anything new in your sitch likeyou have done for me, i think i am better at reading your husbands actions as you have my W's. let me know anything new?

Hi DH... internet slap was needed and appreciated! :)TY!!

**disclaimer... i totally intended this to be short, but oh well... i'm a woman and i just ramble on and on and on...

anything new... not really. more of the same on his part. Less of the same on mine. lemme think.... hmmmm

monday night. H was grumpy. Told him again when i got home that he needed to take medicine. He didn't want to... fine, let him suffer. Baby went to bed at 8:30 (party pooper) hehe. just a couple hours nap and then back up to play. H mostly just sat on the couch ond watched tv and played around on ebay. D's and I did puzzles, played games, ate waaaay too many cheetos and danced around the living room to all the music on the new years eve shows. 12:15 put girls to bed after some serious metal spoons on pots and pans action, then sat next to H and watched a little TV. I was falling asleep, He asked if we needed to go to bed cause he wanted to play a game, i told him no worries that i'd just lay on the couch. He asked if he would wake me up later *wink wink* and i said yeah, sure. He didn't, but that's alright.

New years day. H was really sick. I just ignored it. Spent the day cleaning up, doing laundry and stuff off and on. Played with the girls, watched too many episodes of sponge bob and dora the explorer. H woke up about 12:30ish. I made him some lunch and then relaxed a little bit, watched the parade and practically fell asleep. H kept complaning that house wasn't clean enough. That we really needed to clean tonight. I said fine. I finally figured out my problem with him and cleaning. He really wants everything perfect (Sorry bud, not gonna happen.) so when he cleans something it is every last inch and there isn't a speck of dust or a paper out of place. He's told me he's ok w/ getting everything picked up and working on the details later, but he doesn't do that. So last night, he's cleaning off our computer desk (ends up being the collection point for random crap) takes him forever. Then he decides he wants to reformat the computer. Seriously, we haven't used it in forever, why today, right this second? hmmm?

H keeps asking why i'm so upset, what's wrong with me. Why am i in such a bad mood. I'm in pain, am starting to get a head cold (never actually get it, i sometimes just feel the begining stages of that) and i'm tired (this pregnancy is making really tired). Didn't mention that i was frustrated because didn't think it would help at that point.

I'm cleaning the rest of the house. He comes in and is asking "aren't you going to do this" "you forgot this" I finally just said "are you kidding me, you aren't really in here complaining about what and how i'm cleaning while i'm still in the middle of it. Do you think you can do a better job? I'll let you" I know this probably wasn't smart, but I get the same crap from him over and over. If he doesn't like the way i do it, then he needs to get up off his a$$ and do it himself... anyways, (sorry about that - mini vent. hehe) he kinda got really quiet and then, believe it or not, he started picking up the house. WOW!! We watched some TV, ate a late dinner (everyone kinda snacked all day). He's coughing to death and i asked him if he wanted some medicine. He says "if i take it will you leave it alone" kinda sarcastically. I said yep, at least until he starts coughing again and can take some more. He took it then and again 4 hours later. We went to bed, i asked him if he felt like he wanted to have sex (he's been really sick, wasn't sure) he said yeah. we did. he showered we went to sleep.

I rubbed his back for him this morning. He emailed me and said that he forgot to tell me that i looked nice before i left, but i did and thanks for rubbing his back... and guess what, he's feeling better too. Just in case, i told him where the rest of the midicine was...

so over all, i think it went ok. Maybe i shouldn't have gotten angry with him while i was cleaning, but i'm sick and tired of doing everything and having it not be enough. It's not the doing everything that bothers me, its that it's never good enough. It turned out ok. At least no backlash yet, so YAY!!

2008 - so far so good.

No i think getting angry got things turned around a bit, he cleaned, he took his meds and you guys did you know anyway like the boards say everyone DB's in their own way and you have to do what works. That is why i said you need to put your foot down when he acts like a baby or a toddler treat him like one spanking, time out whatever but if you pamper him just like kids they will take advantage of it. I think you did great and from your typing you sound very upbeat good job ill keep checking on you.

yep yep... definately feeling better today. It worked. I think i'll just keep it to being nice, but i have to remember that i am not a doormat. If i start feeling like that, i will stand up for me. i have to... thanks dh.

I normally call H when i go to lunch and when i get back to work. Today, i was talking to my mom when i walked back inside and didn't have a chance to call H. I figured I'd call later at a break. Now he seems all upset(didn't want to talk, quiet, cold). I know that this is something that i started doing for him so he wouldn't wonder what i was up to at lunch, but every once in a while it just isn't going to happen. anyways...

any opinion on whether or not my handling the money and bills is having an effect on Hs selfesteem/ego and whether or not i should ask him to start doing them again. I like doing them. I'm good with numbers and remembering stuff and he didn't want to do them before, but it seems like he's always worried about bills being paid and how much money we have/will have even after i tell him everything. It's like he doesn't believe me. I'm not sure what to do about this. Seems like his mood changes with money flow... i don't know. just trying to think of anything.

A suggestion my C made to me (I do all the bills and H never knew what was available), you could give him a spread sheet showing what came in and what went out. I started doing this twice a month. I would list our income and then show what bills were paid and how much was paid.

I have it so he can see it whenever he's on the computer. Maybe i'll print something out and like put it on the frige or something. I think his worry is more what will be paid and do we have enough for it and stuff we may want to get or do... Who knows. Thanks blindsided. I'll print the list out. Maybe it will help a little.

Ann,

Good work on the standing up for your self, but be careful of your responses after that.

You stood up for yourself, so he backed away and did some butt kissing as he should. Then he probably got a little insecure and scared you would run back to your old ways. Then when you didn't call on your lunch, wasn't that one of the times you were doing things online or something, he probably thought the worse or it at least crossed his mind.

But he needs to see that you can be upset with him, there are going to be fights every once in a while, but that you will return to his loving arms and not old problems.

The interactions are sounding like a lot more positives then negatives though, that seems to be a switch.