Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis 25 y/o MLC?? HELP- I want to save my marriage!!

Sunday nights are the worst. I miss him. It's been 2 1/2 weeks, and although my friends & family have been great, I miss him.

We went for a drive today. We talked for a little bit about OR. H has SOOO much hostility towards me, so much animosity. H is rewriting our history so that I did everything wrong that led to our breakup. H is the one who's cheated on me before, who's continuing his relationship with OW now, and he makes it so that he left because I nagged too much, blahblahblah. I kept my cool and didn't lose my temper.

I told him that we're young (I'm 23, he's 25). We're still growing up, we're not the same people we were a couple years ago, and in a couple years from now, we won't be the same people. I take responsiblity for my part in the downfall of our marriage- we had opposite work schedules and didn't have time for *us*, and I was overhwlmed by all the pressure. In our 3 year marriage, I had 2 pregnancies (I was a surrogate for my friends), and we moved 3 times. I was stressed out.

H didn't want to hear it. H said that he didn't love me, that he'll never come home to me and that I made him miserable.

It's hard- I know I'm supposed to avoid talks about OR, and now I see why! He does respond better when I'm applying DB techniques though, so after my short fall off, I'm back on the wagon!

I am making the effort to forgive him, and have told him so. It's hard though- he walked out on me & our d, he's cheating on me still- yet i'm the only one who wants to save our marriage. maybe I'm just being a chump? My friends & family continue to tell me to accept the fact that he's gone and will never come back.

This is the most stressful, emotionally draining experience of my life.
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Thanks for the post on my page!

Revisionist history is very common. Been there, done that, hell my H is still doing it. Ignore it. While it may give you some ideas of what you would want to change if he comes back to you, it is mostly exaggerations/lies and will only upset you. It's better to wait til later to talk about that stuff IMHO.

Set boundaries. If you're not up to R talk, don't! Easier said than done I know, it's been very hard for me. But especially when he wants to talk about OW, that's super hard - my H has done that a couple times and I couldn't believe his audacity. You may need to just tell him, please don't talk about her around me at all and if he won't stop then make an excuse and leave or get off the phone.

I have also gotten a lot of people asking me how long I'm gonna put up with my H's $h!t, including my dad. Don't listen to them. I have stopped talking to several of my friends about R because of that. The only people I confide in are the ones who have said and acted on their words "I will support you no matter what you decide." It takes incredible strength and patience to DB - no chump could ever do it. Hang in there.

I'm not sure how often you guys are talking and who initiates the conversations. I would try and self-regulate a bit. Read up on going dark and limiting communication - time is your friend, things are brand new with OW right now, but he will discover that the grass isn't greener over there - it still has to be mowed and watered. Limiting communication has a few advantages - it gives you time to pull yourself together, it gives him time to miss you, and if you are not always the one initiating conversations he cannot blame you for nagging him (well, he can, but it'd be stupid even for a WAS lol). He's gonna need space and time. But both are on your side.

(((darkestangel)))

Oh, and about the cheating on you still...don't say that to him. I bet you $20 he rationalizes it that he's not because you two are not "together" anymore. He will absolutely not like your perspective on that subject so just don't even bother.