I carry around two journals with me at all times... just in case the mood to write strikes me... this came yesterday:
-G
This coaster's not like The real thing For surely had These three months Been compressed Into minutes per The car would have flung Itself from the track And we'd all be lying With blood in our ears
The H pleaded for more time. Said he'd do ANYTHING to make the M work. Well, it seems to me that now that I've given him what he's asked for, H is pulling away. H does less to help w/house & kids than he did before I brought D up. H watches TV while I balance 11 month old on hip while pulling 400 degree chicken from oven. H goes out every night to hang with his "friends" or whatever they are, comes home and goes to bed. That's cool, whatever... I'm just wondering what he's doing with this "chance", and it makes me mad.
Expectations apparently suck, right? I can't have expectations??? Is that right?
Quote: Expectations apparently suck, right? I can't have expectations??? Is that right?
you can have expectations as long as they are reasonable...but you also can't expect someone to read your mind...
what is it you want from h?? what is it that you sought out in om??
sit for a moment and think of different reasons why h might be spending more time away..with friends...maybe he's trying to deal with the om issue and needs space...no that doesn't justify his leaving you to pull a bird outta the oven whilts holding a tike...
is there a way for you to communicate these frustrations to h without putting him in a defensive stance??
is there a way for you to address theese things without putting yourself in a defensive stance??
I want some assistance around the house. H has said before he's punishing me, and/or showing me what it's going to be like when we're D'ed. Problem is, is that when he's NOT home, I'm don't have to think of him when prepping dinner and I don't get myself into these tight spots with two little ones and a steaming bird. We eat Mac & Cheese and get on with the day.
I want some help. This is where we were before any D talk. Me asking for help with kids and everything everyday.
X-e-om is out of the picture. He was emotionally expressive and cared about my feelings, that's what I liked about him.
I'm afraid that asking for help will put H on the defensive.
Our 7th anniversary is Sunday. I'm going away for the weekend, but will be home Sunday before dinner. H asked if I wanted to do *anything*. I said, no, not really, I just wanted to hang out. Then H said he was going to go to a friends house Sunday night, so I clarified, I still want to celebrate our Anniversary, I just don't think I'll want to go anywhere. H asked "presents?" I said, "yeah, presents!"
I gave H a big, warm hug this morning with head-pets and everything. First in months. When I pulled away, I could tell that H was really frustrated, physically... I know I have to *take care* of that and soon.
if you'd eat mac and cheese and get on with the day then why not eat mac and cheese and get on with the day...
I always cooked meals that were for h... when he left over the summer I didn't bother...one cuz I just wasn't eating much and how much to two little ones eat??? I was tired of the left overs in the fridge...and second..cuz I didn't have to anymore..but what I failed to realize is that h never expected me to cook like that for him...he's fine with pb&j or pizza or mac and cheese himself...sure he likes the extra good stuff...but I didn't have to do it...
so I guess what I'm saying is...do you really have to cook a bird for h?? are you doing it just for h??? pick one or two nights a week that you will cook that way for the "family" and the rest of the week make easy meals...meat loaf, frozen veggies, mac & cheese, frozen mixes that you just add meat too...it's good stuff and doesn't take as much effort therefore no resentment at having put forth the effort.
Quote: H asked if I wanted to do *anything*. I said, no, not really, I just wanted to hang out.
do anything?? you do want to do something..you want to spend the time with him... hope it goes well.
Quote: I'm afraid that asking for help will put H on the defensive.
all depends on your approach...timing, wording, mood etc...
why not next time say...matt...would you mind holding little tike while I get the bird out of the oven...
thank you.
don't expect him to know you need help...for some reason men seem to think we like to do it all instead of realizing that sometimes we just do what we have to do...
Quote: I gave H a big, warm hug this morning with head-pets and everything. First in months. When I pulled away, I could tell that H was really frustrated, physically... I know I have to *take care* of that and soon.
Quote: sometimes, i do ask him to hold the tike and he puts the tike down and the tike crawls to mama...
then perhaps if it is in a case where mama needs the free hands to get a hot bird out of the oven mamma can specify "just til I get this bird out, I don't want her to get burned" or perhaps you could let him know she's clingy and could he help you and take the bird out?
glad to hear you've invited him for a nooner!! (shame shame LL there just having lunch!!)
H coudn't come for lunch. I was thinking he was mad at me for something and was giving me the silent treatment 'cuz he's been so quiet this morning.
Turns out, he gave some woman a ride home from a meeting the other night, AND she TOOK HER SHIRT OFFF!!! Oh, and there's another woman sending him 10 emails a day. Graphic, sexy type emails....
H already is feeling some guilt.
Perhaps maybe (i'm not mad, here... just hopeful) H will understand the power of need.
I told him I'd happily scratch his itch tonight. That s'es do things for each other all the time, and if I want my needs met, then I have to meet H's needs too. I also told him that I'd LOVE to get to be the one who sits around throwing herself a pity party... but... as i've said before, that's just not me.
H sincerely thanked me for trying so hard to be nice
now, ain't that nice??
oh, and ll ~ nooners.... hopefully someday maybe.... it's been well, let's see, how old is oldest child???
