Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Long and Bumpy Road 2be continued...

I did text him back. I just said I think about that too when I drive by. Never heard from him again last night.

He just did send a text telling me to have a good day.

He is in play mode with his brothers right now. Doubt much soul searching is going on.

Well, at least he remembers you everyday. I go days without a single "how are you?" from my H. It's like we don't exist until he wants something and then if he doesn't get it, I feel like he punishes me again. This time I think it's because he asked me to co-sign on a credit card so he could, as he put it, "buy something for myself." It hurts that he doesn't think of me. I'm sad today, again. Gee, what's new?

I know I am going to get 2x4'd for this but I couldn't help it. My H is out of town hunting this weekend and I decided to go to his house and look around (im ducking). Anyway, didn't find much but there are 2 new pictures of OW's kids sitting in frames on his table. Yuck. He had thier last years before and now those are gone and new ones with new frames are up. She must have given him that for xmas.

I know its his house and all and I was snooping so I probably deserve every bit of pain I feel, but it just irks me. I am so sick and tired of them being "friends". ITS NOT OK WITH ME!! Its wrong.

He has been texting today and I have ignored as I am so irked about the pics. Oh yea, I found out that the company that he worked for did some work at her parents house. I am sure he was there.

I am back to being irritated. I don't think I will ever trust this man again.

He is gone on his trip for the weekend. He keeps texing me asking how I am feeling. I have had the flu feeling all day. I just invision him texting me and OW back and forth. I have no idea what exactly if anything is still going on but it sure is disrespectful to say the least. I mean, at the very least I don't think they ought to be friends and he shouldn't have pics of her stupid kids right in his flipping livingroom.

Need some words today.....

I think I may have done something stupid
I sent this text to H.

"I have been thinking and I am not comfortable with your friendship/relationship with OW. It really bothers me and its not right. If there is any chance for us, communication with an ex is unacceptable on any level. If you really care about us and this family you will put this relationship first. I am sure if you were in my position you would feel the same. I would really like a happy future together and I am willing to work on myself, but I need to have the same from you."

I know it sounds needy and ultimatum like, but I am so sick of this. I am not ok with their friendship. They have been intimate, she wants more and its not innocent. Its not ok with me. I can't just look the other way. They exchanged xmas gifts and there are pics of her kids sitting on his table.

Ready for the 2x4!!

OK S02...Here it comes....

Do you think he really cares if you are ok with or not? I doubt it.
He already must know that what he is doing is not right, do you really think he cares? I doubt it.
Do you think he thinks there is a chance for you guys right now? At the moment, I doubt it.
He is being so selfish right now, do you really think he is ready to put his family first? I doubt it.
Do you think he sees a happy future together with you? If he did, would he be doing this? I doubt it.
Do you really think he's prepared to work on himself? Since he probably doesn't see much wrong, I doubt it.


Do you have a right to be sick of this? YES
Do you have a rigth to not be ok with the OW? YES
Do you have a right to be so P*!$$ed off that you want to unload all of this onto him? YES!

BUT, I highly doubt it will do you any good. In fact, this is just more of you telling him how YOU feel and how you think he SHOULD feel. Trust me....I do it all the time and each time I do I kick myself for it! The last time I did it about 3 weeks ago, I would have given anything to press rewind and do it again properly. So now, my mission is to stop myself BEFORE I do it.

You've already sent it, so don't dwell on it. But in the future I would suggest posting things like this here FIRST. Then sit on it for 48 hours and get some feedback. If you still feel that way in 2 days, then send it. But you most likely won't.
I received this advice a while back and it really makes a difference for me. Sometimes you just have to get it off your chest and this can be a good place to do it without directing it at your H.

By the way, this is the second time in a few days that you've said "I know I'm going to get 2X4'd for this, but..." So if you know they are wrong things to do, why do them? It's not the people on this board that you should be worried about disappointing, it's yourself.
Sorry if I sound all "tough love", but I don't want to see you more hurt than you already are and I think you're totally setting yourself up for that.


I told myself that I am going to reread DR to start the New Year off right. I often lose sight of the simple things outlined in the book and I need to refocus my efforts on the action based things.
Maybe if you reread it you'll feel a renewed sense of focus too.

So on that note...did you get a response?
J~

Jenny....you are right. I should have not sent it. I unloaded and really don't feel much better for it.

No response, but he is hunting right now and won't be home till tomorrow.

I just wish that on Xmas I wouldn't have given him an inch without telling him my boundaries. He told me they text about friendly stuff and I didn't say it then and its been eating at me since. He didn't say he was going to stop either and I felt that he thought I was ok with it. I am not.

So, I guess I wait for a response. It will most likely be an angry one telling me he is sick of hearing about this blah, blah blah.

Ok, Jenny....I have been sitting here thinking what I SHOULD be doing. I have been going 180 on him and pretty dark for the past month. During that time he is still talking with OW so nothing has really changed.

Do I go dark on him again?
Is it reasonable to ask for this NC with her if he wants to contact me?
I am just afraid that he will continue cake eating as long as I let him.

Can you pull it back? Maybe if he hasn't read it you can cancel it? Not sure if this is possible with texts...