The whole CB story is so frustrating. Just when you think someone will be honest and be too old for renting space in your head, it happens again! Since she had been through a separation as well, she should know, just how vulnerable we all are, so shame on her for sending the wrong signals.
FLTC, maybe I'm just a naive dink but I don't believe CB was playing head games with me. I think our friendship just got a little too intimate for the situation and when she started initiating time with me a few weeks in a row, I believe it scared her. I, of course, thought we were finally settling into a real friendship. It always contained those romantic undertones though and we both just ignored it cuz it felt so darn good to be together! But, yes, it did hurt alot when she cut the ties when she did and the way she did. Again, I'm not her and obviously she was having some feelings she was finding hard to handle, whatever they may have been. So I'm just letting go and carrying on with my life and trying to take the good out of what happened. I also have to take responsibility for my part in this, I ignored the reality of the situation (the BF) and kept building our connection, that's what I mean about building my boat and then sinking it. I feel that all this may have hurt her in some way too or she wouldn't be running away in such an apparent panic. So there's guilt to be had on both sides here. I did have some difficulty in accepting that she did this in the way she did despite knowing that this was the worst time of my life, I know she's been through far worse than me so does know. But, hey, she did what she did. I will let it be and carry on with my life. Thanks for you support!
Well, I just returned from the big dance recital. I had to stop and pick up some anti-biotic for D10 and therefore was 15 minutes later arriving than W. When I got there W and Coffee Buddy were whooping it up together, I figure they were discussing how to divide up my lungs now that they're done with my heart! Wow, we were one big happy threesome tonight. W walked away and left CB and I alone so we stood and looked around until I finally introduced a topic for discussion. CB and I stood together through the performance and W stood with D10. We discussed school possibilities for the kids and how nervous the girls were about he performance blah blah blah, just like nothing had happened between us, it was friggin weird! At nights end CB made sure she paid my W some attention, as she's always socially appropriate. We all did the goodbye's, Merry Xmas etc. So I assume next year CB and I will go back to avoiding each other, ya don't want to ruin something that is working out so well!
Here's a Whatis 180 from tonight. D10 has a fever and probably will need to be off school tomorrow. The old Whatis would have said to W "if you are really busy at work, I can watch her tomorrow", the new Whatis said "goodnight" If she needs help from me, she can ask.
Here's the old shoulder chuck for a job well done in not rushing to solve W's problems.
Sorry about CB, but I think it was kinda inevitable how things turned out, especially considering her cultural background. She probably didn't know how to step away without looking a fool, so went the 'pretend it all didn't happen' route. Make sense?
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Being me, again, it's tough not being what I always viewed as the good, caring H but that's just the way it has to be. As far as CB, I actually felt good about last night. We interacted together positively and therefore that connection still exists, although buried right now. I won't pursue any further coffee times with her, I didn't get the feeling anything was going to change in the new year, but that's OK. I've left the door open and I will get on with my Living Alone and Loving It adventure. Btw, I think your analysis of the CB sitch is right on! By addressing it any further I would be losing face for her, it's better to let it be. I have to remember that she did try to be supportive and caring in a pretty unusual situation that, yes, went against her cultural norms by spending frequent time alone with a man who wasn't her BF. I must appreciate what she gave and not focus on what she can no longer give. She did give me alot. So, I did not make her the brunt of my hurt and resentment last night, I was personable,as was she, and we left it on a positive note. You couldn't ask for any better outcome at this point! I do miss her though but such is life.
Such is life, indeed. One thing I have learned through all this, is that you rarely get what you want, but when you do, you have to treasure it. You got support when you needed it most, and even though it's gone now, it is something to treasure in your memories.
Take care!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks Being Me! what I need to keep in mind especially during this period of feeling pretty unwanted, is that a beautiful, intelligent, empathetic woman went way outside her comfort zone and normal behaviour because I was someone who touched her in a special way. It was because I was who I was that made her want to care for me, that makes me feel pretty darn special. So if I can do that to her, I can repeat it elsewhere, maybe not right now but when the time and situation is more appropriate (and the person is available!). My loss here, in a way, is also my gain. It's all in the way we look at it!
