I don't blame you for feeling as you do... but I have to say, there is nothing, NOTHING more unappealing to be around than a bitter, angry woman -- which you seem to be. (Bitter, angry men are pretty awful, too). And any amount of regard and respect you may have for your H is sorely lacking in your posts.
I'm not saying your H isn't contributing to your problems, because he very clearly is. But typically, it helps to first fix your own chit than get on someone else about theirs.
What I'd suggest you do is read the 5 LLs book that someone here recommended, I'd make that MC appointment and go by yourself for a time, at least so you can vent and get some of that anger, resentment and indignation purged from your system, and I'd start looking for things to do that make YOU happy. Things that have absolutely nothing to do with your H or your kids.
You say you don't 'fit' in Michelle's SSM book, but actually, what typically lies beneath an SSM seems to be the very thing going on in your M... lack of trust, lack of respect, lack of honesty and lack of communication. The lack of sex is just telling you there are other problems... it isn't necessarily THE problem.
If you get a chance, you might also want to take a gander at Lucky Me's thread, if you haven't yet. It might give you some insights into what your H may be feeling. DIY also had some helpful thoughts above about workaholics.
I'm sure none of what I am posting to you is making you feel any better. It sounds like a whole lot of work, and like nothing is going to change or get fixed any time soon.
That's probably correct. But you have to be able to acknowledge your own contributions to the problem, and the time it took between the two of you to create the problem, before you have any chance of fixing it. It isn't enough to be 'right' about the laundry list of what he doesn't do. Because if you want to 'solve the problem,' being right or wrong has nothing to do with anything.
So... let me ask you this... how old are you and your H? How long have you been married? Do you have kids? How many? And if you felt that you had done everything in your power to help fix the M, would you be willing to walk away from it?
Hang in there... I know the frustration... you've come to a good place for help.
