ha, like when did your H become so philosophical!! :-)
Maybe he is OC... I'm kind of proud of myself right now. I was a pathetic, clingy loser for so long but now I refuse to be weepy or depressed in front of H. He can cry all he wants.
I am standing up for myself and what I need/want during the D process. I just took a call from H and told him about all the fun we had today, implied we were eating without him, and "had to go" because all my "kids" were acting up...
I may crash and burn tomorrow but I am getting stronger every day!
wonderful. Let him taste what life is without you and the kids.
Sometimes I wonder, not related to your case particularly, we are so strong and can be so independent, and sometimes, to be honest, we can have so much fun with the kids and ourselves, making our own decisions, why do we want H around? When they are around we have to "act as if", have to be sensitive to their "feelings", "give them space", etc. etc. So much easier without them. Sometimes I do have the idea may be I shoudl just forget the whole thing and I will probably have a better life. But then, I do love my husband. BUMMER!!!!
OC - It IS easier without them sometimes. The thing that is scary to me now is that the love I had for my H is slipping away. He has crossed the line with his selfishness. I don't know who he is anymore.
This morning I am feeling disgusted by him and what he has done and is about to do. I think if he said that he was leaving today to go live with the ow, I would be relieved. I am tired of him telling me that he needs to be away from home every evening to do "things for himself" (i.e - be with/screw ow).
He has asked me to leave his life and I feel myself shutting down my feelings for him. I really don't even want to be in the same room with him anymore. I know I deserve better and I'm not accepting leftovers any longer..
Another long convo initiated by him. Nothing different. I was very calm. He isn't willing to take the chance that things will really be different between us even though this is probably the closest we've been to a "turning point" in our R. I just told him that things would, of course, be different but the changes might not be enough for ME to stay in the M at this point.
Finally, he said that he simply needs to start acting like the person he really is. He hates how he has been behaving. Which is my point - getting a D legitimizes the A and takes away the guilt... Not sinning anymore in their eyes. *sigh*
One funny thing that happened last evening as we were leaving a family function... I was waiting in the car and my phone rang. I talked to my friend for a few minutes and was hanging up just as H walked up. He didn't ask who I was talking to (how could he?? I don't ask!) and I didn't say but he was VERY quiet for part of the ride home. Could he have been wondering???
Yes, that could very well be, let him wonder, its a just a small taste of what you have edured for how long.. He sounds like a very weak person, and you are better off without him if this is what you would be living with. You are stronger and I think you have crossed the threshold of being under is spell (so to say)..
You are a great person, and you will find someone who will appreciate you
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Is it bad when you get some pleasure out of knowing that your WAS feels uncomfortable around you in their own house? I can just feel the anxiety vibes coming off H this afternoon until he took off to run an "errand". It's maybe partly because everyone keeps asking "What are you guys doing for New Years?" and he gets very uncomfortable.. I would like to say.. "H's going to his girlfriend's house and I'm staying home with the kid".
So, what do these WAS's do with their time after they move in with the op? They don't have to sneak around and hide and run long, fake errands. Seems like all the fun will be gone.
exactly. the fun will be gone and the reality sets in. that's when they realize the grass is NOT greener on the other side. H is uncomfortable around the house sometimes, even in piecing. He is not relaxed but trying to please me, or not get caught checking his email (to OW, I am sure). I am turning a blind eye now as I am giving him sometime to wean her off. But just like you, I feel the love is slipping away. I keep thinking the day my love vanish, it will be too late regardless of whether he is still contacting Ow or not.
LO, at this point, your H does not deserve you. You did what you can do, he still chooses the other path. His loss. You are a great person, just like others said. You deserve better. Happy New Year!!! And like my MIL just told me, "love yourself"
Plan something super fun to do with your daughter for New Years. Take photos (and ask others to take photos of you and your daughter together.... a photo you can frame!!!). Make it a super special day for the two of you.
I like how well you've been handling things. You have a great attitude and a lot of strength and healthiness. Keep smiling, keep happy and keep agreeing with your husband and being "friends" with him. Don't allow him to get into any fights with you (to help validate his decision), and give him plenty of space to avoid tension. It would be nice if he could leave with "good memories." Be a saint, great listener and totally agreeable and supportive. Give OW a lot to live up to!!!
Also, do try to avoid some of that D talk. When he wants to hash out details, just tell him the lawyers will be taking care of that. This stuff can escalate and you need to try and avoid that when possible.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
