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LWB,

H sounds so confused - they want it all and cannot figure out how to not hurt you or OW...

I too had to push my H out - set him 'free' to let him find out what life would be like w/o me and w/OW - it was not so rosey...it took him 5 mos to figure out he belonged at home with his wife and kids. Can you try for separation first?

You need to do what is right for YOU....DB'ing is just a tool to help us through all this BS.. it is not an exact science...

I am praying for you!

HB

Thinking of you LWB. As you mentioned there's a time when you realize that as hard as you've been trying, you find that you're still mired in the pain of the situation. I'm glad to see that you're gaining strength.

I've thought in the past that I was detached enough but all it takes is one simple reminder and I can feel the emotions trying to get to me. I've gotten better but have a way to go still.

Stand firm with your interactions with your husband. Hopefully he'll start to see what a needless mess he's making.

LWB,

I am sure he does feel some kind of pain. Or has had some disappointments with you that are valid. Hey we aren't perfect. My word I made lots of mistakes to and did some of my share of things. But he is waaay over doing it. If you ask me it is to place blame on you to somehow try to justify himself. Because why would he initiate a relationship talk right after he went on his date on X-mas eve. To try and somehow justify it. Well, we are getting divorced blah, blah. Now he is like why are you pushing it. I bet you want to scream at times who the he** are you??

Remember to take care of yourself. You are one strong woman!

LWB,
I'd like to send you an email. I think I have your email, but didn't put your name by it. Does it have the #71 in it?

Yes ma'am, it does. Send away!

It will be on its way shortly!

My email is being contrary, I'll send as soon as possible...

LWB,

One more thing I want to ad try and not let him get to you about the accusing he is doing. Because I have heard you say you know you aren't perfect. But you are nowhere near the woman he is making you out to be. I think I have told you this before but my husband also had hatred. He said just the meanest things. He cut me down for the way I was with my family. The way I was with his family. That I was uncaring, cold, spiteful. He criticized the way I did the finances. I mean just trying to think off the top of my head these were some things he cut me down on. I mean just over the top things. Just like your husband I think he was waaaay going over board and blowing things waaay out of proportion. When we started to reconcile this hurt stayed with me, his words. It was something I brought up to him a couple of times. He told me he didn't mean them. He said he felt so low of himself he wanted me to hurt half as much as he was. He has appologized a couple times now. But whew words like that can hurt. I even told him that's where we were different. I wouldn;t want to hurt someone worse then I was hurting. Not someone I vowed to love. That means something to me.

See I think he was at a low. No job, no money to provide for his family. He was a stay at home mom sort of speak. I think his ego got damaged. Suddenly there you are making sure food was on the table. With your life. With direction and an outside life if want to call work that. He started resenting you. Instead of appreciating that it was you holding things together financially. I could be way off base. But it sounds like that could have been what happened.

I know he is in so much pain, even before the A. I did some things that weren't right (denied his depression, ran from him instead of supporting him...easier at the time). I have owned up to the things I have done wrong, and apologized numerous times. He has accepted my apology but states its too late. He has even said "I know blaming you 100% for this is wrong, and I need to stop...".

He even admits its easier to blame me. BUT...he never apologizes for what he has done, we are divorced in his heart, and its my fault for 'leaving him' when he needed me the most. He considers his pain of being 'ignored' by me MORE painful than what he is doing to me now.... He blames me for many things I have no control over (my mother and her 'crazy' ways, the way a friend of ours treated him in a business venture, something my brother did...) and I had enough of that and yelled one night that those were lousy reasons for leaving me since I can't control what people do around me..

But I babble...

Yoyo, Tell your email to behave.....

Wow, you are amazing, girl.....



Before our eyes, but before we could see it happening...

HIM:
*The happy to be home with my kids (SAHD) turned into depression.
*The being proud of his wife for working turned into resentment/jealousy because of the excitement of her job and the 'adult' interaction.
*Me being too tired for even a date or sex at times. Him being home, waiting for me. Me wanting sleep. He started going out because he was couped up.

ME:
*Hard for me to watch him be depressed. I focused more on his daily moods (trying to cheer him up) than on trying to figure out what was really going on.
*Used work as an escape from him and his 'down' moods'.
*Obsessed about money and worked as much overtime as possible, thinking he would be so proud. Turns out he felt abandoned and didn't care about the extra money. But never said anything, just encouraged me.



I am so glad your H admitted saying those things weren't true. I totally understand your point of view though. The hurt of what H said/says to me sticks. I don't say nasty things to him (even if I think them), because I love him and don't want to hurt him more. He is the opposite right now, will strike whenever he can....

Thanks trying!!!