Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? FLTC: FROM IRAQ

Thanks, Hill and the rest of my friends on this board. I just don't know what to say. I guess I'm at the "acceptance stage", but my FIL sent me some pictures of my kids from his house on Thanksgiving, as well as some when they were small, and it nearly ripped my heart out. I'm just not sure how the WAS can look at those same pictures and not have that same feeling. It really makes no sense. Those cute little kids, and they won't have an intact family. I'm still (even three years later) dumbfounded over this.

Yeah, Hill, I'm not sure asking or not asking to talk to wife is the right thing to do, but she's always robotic, and it just is awful. She has D17 at home from the school in Utah, and they are trying to work on their hideous relationship, and D17's school has cost me 100K for a year, and now she wants to go to college, and can't live at home with W., because of their relationship (which is my fault, because a good husband would have stepped in when they had fist fights, and when I did, I was yelled at). There is absolutely no money left for college.

Hey FLTC
Been there done that on the Kids vs Spouse. Global Warming and no world peace is all your falt cause it's done being my fault.

My FIL corresponded with me when I was deployed and they sent pics.

Sorry about the college. There are innovotive methods to get there my SD financed her education minus a car by working becoming a Resident Assistant and other things.

Not knowing the dynamics of the situation outside of what you say I can only surmise. As an Educator you are probably aware about the grants and scholorships and (I went through this drill also) and there is money for niche folks but middle class folks have to get more innovative.

Talk to your Soldiers. Why did they join the Army? I would imagine you get some similarities between them and your D. I learned so much from my Lance Criminals asking "Why did you join the Marine Corps". Many go back to school after their enlistment.

Is your D doing OK in that school (A highly structured environment).

What would asking to talk to your W accomplish? Sounds like declining the blindfold while in a firing squad. If there is a move it's hers to make.

If you are just ventin no worries we hear you.

I'm back after a week of distraction. It was truly a blessing to not think about H and the changes that are occuring in my life. I'm determined to keep a PMA! You are such a nice guy, FLTC.....for example, doing guard duty so some of your soldiers could be off. Don't change that part of you! What else can you do for your PMA, FLTC?

Talk to you guys! Actually, most of the officers I know here do subscribe to the addage "lead by example"...actions do speak louder than words, so when they see two officers in the Tower, it shows them you'll "put up". I wsa wondering where you were! My PMA goes up and down. When my FIL sent me the pictures of my kids when they were 4 and 5, it nearly ripped my heart out. So it goes in waves. Sleep here is hard to come by, anyway, but the silence of the dark nights is my PMA enemy! Happy New year!

FLTC
I believe we miscommunicated on the framework of the discussion. The 'talk to your solders' was in the specific contex of college and money. Since they are not much older than your D maybe they had insites we long forgotton or avenues that were not available to us. I personally feel it's harder to finance a degree now than it was when I was that age. Never was a suggestion on leadership style. I'll take the responsiblity for the miscommunication.

Good to go on the two officers in the tower. That is something I never saw and was inpressed however least you did not have to hum the Jimmy Hendrix tune 'All alone in the Watchtower'. Too bad the druggies got him. He was former Airborne.

I understand the heart ripping. Most of us suffered from well meaning gestures that end up having the oppsite effect as the giver intends. In medical terms it's providing the incorrect treatment for a problem like bleeding the patient to cure the flu practiced in the old days.

I was married on 31DEC so News Years Eve is not something I practice. Groundhog day is comin.

If you were talking about location I was in Hit between Ramadi and Haditha or the territory around the area. Actually talked to the Medical Officer US Army to replaced 3/25 who replaced us. He said many similar things. Don't know if that was the context you were looking for but that is what it is. Aug04 to Apr05.

Now Hit is quite different with respect to the hard work of both of our services and the actions of the bad guys. Kinda like the Govt. Progress is slow but there was progress.

Hey Hill.

Called home tonight to talk to kids. W. answered. My blood pressure always elevates 20 points and my stomach does sommersaults. Imagine that? The woman I used to love with all my heart does this to me.

She asked if I had looked for financial aid for D17s college. I told her that D17 may have to go to Community College Her response: "That's a terrible idea. She can't live at home". So here we go again. Of course, another terrible Idea rfom FLTC. Just another in a 20 year succession. Ugh. It's SO frustarting. But I did recover in about 15 minutes. I have really decided it's over. She proceeded to hand the phone to D15 using the "divorce vernacular" "It's YOUR FATHER", not it's Dad. I still refer to her as "Mom" to the kids, not YOUR MOTHER. Just another brick in the load.

FLTC
Currently at my Sister's whom BIL and Sister are professional educators for a local University and been such for years. I got an earful on my suggestions but were from informed sources.

1. Transfers from community colleges tend to do better gradewise upon transfer to 4 yr University.
2. Kids who are not doing as well tend to have their parents fund the full load. My BIL tells me they usually are the Major Pains he has to deal with.

Understand the BP. Now mine just goes up and I want to puke. Hell I was most at fault. Oh Well.


Read a book named 'On Call from Hell' about a LtCMDR MD setting up a forward Basic Aid Station in the middle of Falusia II in Nov04. He had some Army NG medics diving ambulances and had high praise for them.

Seems to me it would be easier for HER to look for financial aid....doesn't she realize you are in IRAQ??? She is also the one that doesn't want D17 living at home. DON'T TAKE ALL THE BLAME OR RESPONSIBILITY. Just send a friendly email asking what she has found out about financial aid. Does your wife work? Would D17 ever consider the military? (see Hill's previous suggestion).

We'll skip New Years and look forward to Ground Hog Day! Then we can skip Valentine's Day and move on to Casimir Pulaski Day!

Sounds like a plan following up the Commander's intent. Good to go Mattie. I may deviate a little hitting on the FEMALE hotties like you on valentines day. But just a little so we do not break character.