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LWB,

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Freedom can come in very painful ways but remember, the person your H is right now is not who you fell in love with.

Don't take the bad consequences of his doings for you to carry, you deserve to have a great Christmas with your daughters because you've been true to your heart.

lwb, hugs to you. it is very tough to see your H doing this. They are being disrespectful to everyone, but like others said, at this point, to them, it does not matter.

Go cry/scream/vent, do whatever you need to do to get your anger out. My personal opinion is, if you can do it alone, not in front of H, do so. But if you really feel like you need to cry in front of H, do it once and then stop. Then start detaching. Very tough to do. Think very little steps. even smaller becuase it is the holidays. You can do it. We are all here to support you.

lwb-

I sent you an email!

SueS

((((((((((((((((Lwb))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry for you. Aaaagh, I know how this must hurt. It's so wrong of H to do this now, of all times! What a complete jackass.

This just proves he's not really worthy of you, not now that he insists on behaving like this. You have shown grace and continued to extend every opportunity to him and he still can't keep from bollixing it up. I really thought it looked like he might fall off the fence onto your side, but he appears to still be bouncing from one side to the other.

You're a strong and wonderful person, Lwb. Don't forget that. I know you will make it though this just fine.

Sally, I'll tell you this as a man. It doesn't take balls to do this, not really -- just blind, reckless selfishness and stupidity... and a dark shadow cast upon their feeble souls.

The other night I caught the 1984 production of A Christmas Carol with George C. Scott. It got me to thinking about all of the other versions of this Dickens story -- and recalled reading the original years ago. I now see how I was so very close to becoming Scrooge myself -- dark, depressed, a slave to my career, in denial of the heavy losses I had sacrificed, and oh so very close to losing my mortal soul.

I look at these WAS' and how cold-hearted and cruel they can be even in this season of kindness, generosity and good will. I look at our spouses and see the blind foolishness that Dickens was trying to warn us of in his cautionary tale.

Thanks everyone. Just took my girls and 3 neighbor girls to McD's playland. I practically showered them in anti-bacterial lotion when they got in the car (no sick babies for Christmas!!).

I called my best friend today and opened up about everything. She knew we were in trouble, but nothing about OW. She was crying on the phone while checking out of Target. That's my girl. We are going to try to get together tonight. I don't want to be here when H comes home from work, and getting ready for his date. Can't figure out how to do it, because he will lose it if I have the girls out somewhere.

OW's H called to check on me today, I was crying at the time, but settled down. OW had the nerve to yell at her H when she found out he called me. Said "See what you did? You went and hurt LWB even more". WTF? OW's H apologized today for being 'selfish' and calling and venting to me. I told him I had no regrets about him calling, and he does what H doesn't do for me, keeps me out of th dark. I want him to call about these things. Not forever, because like yoyo fell into, the trap of being notified about everything can be dangerous.

I did tell OW's H that my H will not be coming home tonight.

I am at peace with the girls, we are having a nice day. Coming here on and off (and getting lovely emails!) is really helping.

LWB,

I am speechless. They don't know it's not OK to date other people's spouse while married with children? Disgusting behavior. I would be so livid I don't know what I would do. I feel terrible for you. I'm really sorry.

I am so sorry!! Oh my word he has done the ultimate disrespect!! To come home and get ready for a date right in front of you. LWB if I were you I wouldn't care if he flipped about the girl's not being home when he gets home. Who the he** does he think he is! He is going to have to start getting use to not seeing them on some days. He chose this life. You have to do what gives you your sanity right now. And if that means getting away to not have yourself and your children witness him getting ready for a date then so be it.

My word I am sure that had to have hurt to find this out. Then have him justify it and get ugly with you. I am just so sorry. He is a fool.

I think this OW's husband is a moron!! An open marriage for her to. So he is just going to sit back and allow her to date? He is giving her just what she wants. What happened to divorcing her?

lwb,

if you've read my sitch lately you'll know that I am completely with you 100%. I've made a mess of my things so I really don't know what to tell you. I am so sorry for you having to go through this. It is so unfair to all of us. I truly believe that one day all that what our WAS'S have done will one day come back and kick them square in the a*ses. It isn't right and somehow they know that but yet it doesn't stop them.

I do know now LBS that there is absolutely NOTHING we can do to change what they are doing. We have to stop letting them hurt us. Stop setting ourselves up to get knocked down again and again.

I guess for me I have made up my mind that if my H wants me out of his life that is what he is going to get. I WILL NOT call him, I WILL NOT go see him, I WILL NOT ask how he is or what he is doing, I WILL NOT pursue him. I know that there is nothing wrong with me it is his mess. IF he wants to be with this woman he has to come and get me.

I pray that you will find your strength and be able to get through this. Search your soul LWB it is there somewhere.

Love,
TOH

LWB,
Some (((hugs))) from me, too. You may not feel proud at having the scream fest, but holy crap you have been patient for so long. It does come down to a matter of respect. After taking you out the other night, then having a date with OW tonight?? You had every right to explode.

I hope you found a way to be out with your Ds when he came home. I sure would go dark, dark, dark on him -- for your own piece of mind. Like everyone else said, you need to detach!! No matter what was said, or yelled, etc. there is no way he is out tonight with a clear conscience. No way no way no way.

I hope you're doing ok. It's hard to function normally when you know your S is with OW/OM. I've been there, too. Keep focused on your D's. (And OW was mad at her H for telling you and hurting you? GIVE ME A BREAK! Like he is the one doing the hurting. Alien.)

LWB, you're such a considerate, compassionate, kind, decent person. None of should have to live through this crap, but when the journey is over, we'll all be better, stronger, wiser human beings. But boy the road sure is tough.

(((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))