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Get outside - it will help, especially where you are - sunshine!

Do you do any kind of exercise? I have found walking outside to be incredibly helpful. This morning I was so angry at the pain my children will experience when we tell them H is moving out and being able to walk with/through that feeling was good.

I have been feeling pretty good, because our R has been getting so much better, but since he's confirmed that he is still moving out, I've been down a lot. It is easier when with other people, because we have to put on that happy face, and I also am able to be happy when interacting with my H, because I'm happy to be with him.

For me, one of the signs of depression is cycling thoughts - not being able to stop thinking about things that cause pain. I'm finding it much easier to stop that since taking antidepressants, although in the past couple of days it's been more of a struggle again. I'm hoping this settles down once we're past the hurdle of letting the kids know what's going on.

(((you)))

Oh yeah - There are days I wake up and just want to do the exact same thing. Usually doing something physical helps - Going for a walk, working out, stuff like that.



I'd probably stop meeting him for ***, if you're not getting anything else from him.



You will go through phases - One day you'll feel confident and maybe even not want him around; Other days, you'll look for his approval for lots of things and wait for him to contact you.

Eventually you'll get to the point where you're not all that interested in what he is doing, but every time you get tangled up with him you're back to square one...

I get feeling like that too. Like others have suggested, getting out and doing something physical helps clear my mind. Sometimes I just need a reminder of how much I love her though too. Once I'm reminded of that then it's hard to be mad at her. I'm still left with the thoughts of wondering why, but those are easier to deal with when I'm not all emotional. I'm not sure that these feelings will go away, but you do figure out ways to deal with them. Once you start noticing yourself feeling this way, remember what you did last time to get out of it and do it again. Build up an emotional tool set that can help you deal with how you are feeling. That's what works for me at least. I hope it helps.
Peace,
B

I think this may be a good sign, or I may be reading too much into things. . .his profile from Match.com is gone! good?
I had this crazy dream last night it was so vivid, almost like watching a movie. . .I was out with some friends, and looking rather good, if I may say so myself. We were sitting at a high top table in a crowded yet sophisticated bar. Some guys had come over to talk with us and buy us drinks, blah, blah, blah. Well the crowd parted for just a moment and there across the room sat my H alone at the bar, looking miserable in a sea of jubilant people. He looked up and our eyes met, and an almost indistinguishable smile appeared on his face. I nodded and continued to speak with the handsome gentleman sitting next to me. Next thing I know H is at the table, pulls me off my seat and begins kissing me, telling me how sorry he is, and how he doesn't want to see me with someone else, how he made a mistake and realizes I'm the one he wants to be with always, things are going to be the way they should have always been. Hugging me, kissing me, crying even, begging on his knees to forgive him (again). I looked down at him, put my hand on his shoulder and then I woke up. Weird, huh?

Can you stop yourself from checking whether his profile is there or not? There are many possible reasons you couldn't find it, some good, some bad. The point is - stop giving your H space in your mind. Find something else to do, to think about.

The dream sounds nice.

I don't check it, I can't, I don't have a profile, don't want one, a friend of mine who is on there (and has been for well over a year), was the one who told me about it in the first place, and she emailed me this morning saying it wasn't posted anymore. She knew how upset it had made me, I guess she just wanted me to feel better.
So to me that makes the dream that much more strange, that I find out this morning that it's not posted anymore. Even more strange, most of my dreams have a tendency to happen (eventually).

OK people I need your advice more than ever!
H called at 3:00 (no message) I was in the shower getting ready to meet a friend for a late lunch. I tried calling back around 4:00 - no answer (I didn't leave a message). H returned call at 4:30, I answered. He said he was calling to make sure I wasn't dead b/c he hadn't heard from me in a week, I said I haven't heard from you either. He replied "I've been busy", I said so have I. He said he wants to get together to "discuss" what's going on and what we're to do. He said he didn't want to bombard me with what he wants and he wants my input on things. He asked what my plans were for the week, I said I have plans tomorrow night, he asked what tomorrow night was, I said New Year's Eve, he replied, "Oh you have New Year's Eve plans" (like I'm not supposed to or something) to which he said he didn't and was staying home, other than that I wasn't sure what my week held for me as I've just been going with the flow (total 180 for me - I am a mega planner). He said he'd have to check his schedule as to when we can get together (if you were the one who called to make arrangements to get together, wouldn't you already have any idea of when you're available?). He also said he was shocked to hear my tone - he said "I thought you'd be angry with me" I asked why he thought that, he said "'cause everytime I bring up wanting to talk you just started crying, now it sounds like you're ready to move on". I didn't really respond to that. He made many complaints about things going on at the firestation, blah, blah, blah, whine, whine... I just said I was sorry to hear it. I have to admit I've been paranoid since we got off the phone, I'm not sure what to expect... I just keep repeating to myself "act as if this is going to have a positive outcome". I also keep thinking, that if he was so set in his decision, why would he want my input on things and to know my feelings (doesn't he already know how I feel?). PLEASE, GIVE ME GIUDANCE AS TO HANDLE THIS!!!!!!!!! I NEED ANY AND ALL!!!!!

Did you read the posts on my thread from earlier in December? My H was having much the same reaction to my DBing - he said at one point that it seemed that I was looking forward to his leaving.

I think I got sucked in a little bit more than I should have. Try to validate feelings and ask questions, not sharing much about your own thoughts and feelings if you can.

Continue to act happy and strong. If he indicates that there's any possibility of his wanting to get back together, don't react much. If you do, he'll shoot back into the tunnel - you are far from being where you want to be.

I hate it when people tell me stuff like this, so if you're annoyed with me at the moment, I totally understand.

Good luck!

Well H just called from work, he says he's still set on the D and tha he thinks he's ready to pursue other people. And that he thinks we both know he's not the type of person to be married and with one person. I was trying to be positive and validating but it was really difficult. I told him I knew that I can't change his mind only he can do that, and he reiterated the fact that he wasn't going to. He also said he was very impressed with the changes that I have made and that the fact that I still would want to be with him made him feel very special. H said the purpose for us getting together was to go over papers and to see what I would want from him in a D. H said he has taken the month to think things over and he still feels the same, I replied that maybe he still needs more time to think about it, he said he didn't think it wouldn't matter. Then supposedly our friend (more his "friend") from Orlando was on the phone and that he'd call me back. I'm waiting to see if he does. WHAT DO I DO NOW??????? Can any part of DBing work now? Or is it really over? I'm not ready to quit yet.

I'm sorry gg...I know this must have been tough to hear.

I don't have much to say, but one thing I know from reading these boards...tons of WAS types say it's over, I'm sure it's over, I'll never feel differently, I've thought about it forever and know it's right...but sometimes it does change and they really do change their mind, though it certainly will still take a lot of time and patience and dealing with the roller coaster ride. You say you're not ready to quit yet, so don't...I've heard the same, it's over, I've made up my mind, no amount of thinking will change my mind...I'm not ready to give up yet either...as long as we're willing to fight for our M there is still some chance, once we give up it's over. So as long as you aren't ready to quit, that the M is still worth fighting for, keep it up. Take care...