I think it could be a very loving gesture to become less ego-invested in a relationship.
Amen. I think this dovetails with what (I think) you were saying to Dom in another conversation about bringing the gift of a high-functioning self to the relationship (words to that effect).
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
How's that hairshirt fitting these days, blackie? Nice n snug?
(Stigmata can't help giggling at the sight of BF's so-called "wolf's" cocked head and that hilarious half-grimace all dogs do as his hind leg frantically sscratchscratchscratches at his neck before getting up and shakeshakeshaking."
I could have worked on her feeling more secure, but thats not why she left me. She left when she lost her attraction.
(Stigmata cups hands and shouts down into the tortured soul-filled SSM forum He loves to hate visiting:)
"Which one of you Fs is responsible for putting this human hairshirt on this mangy-looking dog!? Hmmm! (extra loud:) Act your age!!"
Fascinating. (counting slowly on fingers) Mojo, Corri, LFL, SG, Kettricken... with only OG Lou posting for the Ms. (Yours was just a shout-out, NH, dudn't count)
...oh, and let's include Cheyenne in there from her own thread as a conscientious objector.
WTG, Einstein. Maybe Burgbud was right. So much for Fs not listening to what you have to say., a la SG You'll catch your older brother soon enough.
Wait, what am I talking about. If you, I or even BB were any type of geniuses our xs wouldn't be standing there hugging close to their new men:
"Brilliant theories, geniuses. Too little, too late, don't you think? Everyone's an Fing genius with hindsight, you idiots. (eye rolls all around)
Now please turn around so we can run you through with your own cutlasses, you unbelievably self-righteous attraction-killing placating smug wussbags."
(Stig yanks off the mangy dog's hairshirt and points, seriously)
I catch any of you Fs doing this again and I'm gonna redden some bottoms.
Merry Christmas, Icabod et al.
-Stigmata-
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
(Stigmata cups hands and shouts down into the tortured soul-filled SSM forum He loves to hate visiting:)
Hi, Stig. Whatcha talkin' 'bout? We're always having fun here in the SSM playroom.
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I catch any of you Fs doing this again and I'm gonna redden some bottoms.
You KNOW pirate and the monkey is one of my favorite games but...
1) I was playing house with SG and she was the Mommy and she told me to put my monkey panties in the wash and safety pin my bunny panties to my t-shirt 'cause there's lot of bad boys hanging out on the playground. See (flips skirt).
2) Corri is trying to teach me how to play strict teacher in the school corner but she doesn't get that the monkeyboys actually LIKE it when you play strict schoolteacher.
3) I am busy setting up a lemonade stand so I can buy a Barbie DreamCar so I don't have to borrow Red and White Corvettes or GI Joe jeeps from any stupidhead selfish boys anymore.
4) All I said to BF was "It's your own fault if you try to play house with mean girls who don't even like babies and always say 'You be the Daddy'" Plus, everybody knows that if a big boy says "Let's play house. I'll be the baby." everybody is going to laugh at him -duh.
Anyways, excellent post. I think you clearly pointed your lance in the direction of "ego-investment".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Amen. I think this dovetails with what (I think) you were saying to Dom in another conversation about bringing the gift of a high-functioning self to the relationship (words to that effect).
Yes, but what is the high-functioning self? I think we need to flip the zoo upside down and thereby thoroughly rattle the cages to see the answer.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I was playing house with SG and she was the Mommy and she told me to put my monkey panties in the wash and safety pin my bunny panties to my t-shirt 'cause there's lot of bad boys hanging out on the playground. See (flips skirt).
ROFLMAO. *wipes tears* *is momentarily distracted by SouthernKid* *refocuses*
Believe it or not Mojo I'm not at all worried about you. Your bunny is a bit raggedy from being tossed around so much in your marriage but it's actually a rabbit straight out of X-men, with hidden superpowers because your daddy loved you. (Dear fathers of daughters, listen closely, because that what unconditional love and acceptance can for your girls). Playing with bad boys in your case is a waste of time, at least in the long run, but not inherently dangerous. Your bunny will dust itself off, shake its ears, mutter "Darn, that hurt. Meanie." and hop away in search of redder carrots.
Hey, sorry if I got some of my facts wrong re: your history... I was operating from memory... but my point was exactly what Stig said... everyone can see exactly what went wrong when viewed from the 20/20 hindsight lense.
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True as well. So do you recommend people make life altering financial and marital and familial decisions during this 'feeling' of crisis? It was one of the mistakes I made, but it was that or another bad choice that I was losing control over.
No... I don't think anyone should make major decisions in such states... part of the problem, though, is recognizing when you ARE in such a state. Often times you don't feel like you are in a crisis.
That is stating the obvious, though. 20/20HS again.
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I think that is advice Mojo will have trouble implementing, because she, like me and most of us, doesnt date with Intent.
Yeah... it sounds horrible, doesn't it? But don't most of us 'date' because we'd like to find someone interesting to spend time with, have fun, maybe even meet 'The One'? Isn't your intent to get laid? (I'm not pointing fingers here... just wondering about what you consider... 'intent.')
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How about the one who is least ego-invested controls the relationship? Of course, wanting to be validated for being "loving" is a form of ego-investment. I think it could be a very loving gesture to become less ego-invested in a relationship.
Yeah, I think you could say it this way... sounds more PC anyway. Personally, I think the word 'control' is a bit harsh, but... anyway... you get the gist of the phrase to begin with, regardless of how it is stated.
eah, I think you could say it this way... sounds more PC anyway. \:\) Personally, I think the word 'control' is a bit harsh, but... anyway... you get the gist of the phrase to begin with, regardless of how it is stated.
I guess I prefer "ego-invested" because I was thinking about the kind of parent who is too "ego-invested" in a child's success or in the project of being a "good" or "successful" parent and confuses actions that further their own ego-investment with loving actions.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I guess I prefer "ego-invested" because I was thinking about the kind of parent who is too "ego-invested" in a child's success or in the project of being a "good" or "successful" parent and confuses actions that further their own ego-investment with loving actions.
Aaahhhh. Gotcha. I think it probably starts out that way.
But as the power imbalance continues, however, it starts to morph, and people do whatever it is they have to do, consciously or not, to get their needs met. The whole pursuer/avoider type stuff starts, and the 'original' problem very quickly gets lost. If one or both people can recognize it, it can be stopped.
But if 'morphing' begins, it will bring out 'the worst' in both parties, and interest on the original problem compounds daily.
