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Dear all,

I thought xmas was going to get off to a shaky start, W, D6 and I were exchanging presents, my present to W from D6 was a simple box of chocolates, W just looked at me and said in a sarcastic tone, "That took a lot of imagination." Ouch!! But I didn't let it get to me. Anyway she was moved when she saw the xmas card I brought her, a very neutral card but one classy enough to show I did make an effort. Her response was to give me a kiss full on the lips and a big hug. Wow!!. Just staying on this point WAW's also have trouble in deciding what type of card to give to LBS, in my case WAW didn't send a card, but she did buy me two nice presents one from her specially wrapped in gold wrapping paper and one from D6.

For xmas I put on my full xmas show 80% genuine maybe 20% fake, keep everyone happy and entertained. I tried to sneak an end of xmas day hug with W but she wasn't responsive But overall everyone (W, D6, MIL, FIL, my Mom) enjoyed the day.

I think W is noticing my changes. As part of my focus on me I have updated my wardrobe and bought some new clothes, I've also taken to wearing a fashionable scarf with my over coat.

Fashion tip for men : Scarfs are in this season.

So for xmas my presents from W and D6 were a new scarf and a fashionable pair of men's boots. W is very fashion conscious and I can remember her criticizing my dress sense and telling me I don't take care of myself anymore. Well I'm looking much better now.

Little baby step now. After xmas dinner W was rubbing her full tummy and showing it to MIL, she even came over to me and let me rub it and see how full she was. Ahhh, physical contact, I think this is why I tried to steal a hug at the end of the night. (must remember to remain patient).

Xmas night sleeping arrangements. D6 was pestering W as to who was sleepimg where. D6 asked would Daddy be sleeping in the little room on his own ? W just said I don't know. Anyway with the family fed, boozed up and slouched in front of the TV, it was left to me to finaly put this one to bed.

W & D6 in the main bedroom, FIL & MIL in the second bedroom, My mom in the small room, and poor ole me downstairs on an air mattress.

Hey All,

Massive breakthrough, step forward, not quite sure what to call it.

Christmas was going well or so I thought, apparently there were a couple of things which irritated W so much that it prompted her to start R talks with me. As usual she leaves me to do most of the talking, it's hard to listen and validate someone who wants to do the listening. But anyway in our talks here are some of the things she has brought out.

She felt insulted by the Xmas present I brought her from D6, a small box of chocolates shows absolutely no forethought on my part, I agreed with her and said my judgment was clouded by her recent PA. She said at the end of the day she was D6 mom and I should respect that fact.

She feels my mom doesn't like her and she doesn't like my mom, and she didn't like to have to put up with her overnight.

W feels absolutely violated by the fact that I snooped through her mobile phone, and she believes this will always be a factor in out R. I said yes it would be unless she reassures me that there is no OM and she is committed 100% to the possibility of working on the M.

She felt angry that I accused her of a PA with OM, she said up to that point there was no PA but once I moved out she said she had nothing to lose and went for it. ( W doesn't understand the concept of an EA)

She felt angry that I moved out in the first place, and when I came back she was expecting me to start R talks, make demands on her, or even threaten to pack her bags and throw her out. Then she said if I had tried to throw her out she wouldn't have gone. I told her that's why I didn't throw her out. ( W doesn't understand the concept of DB).

Me for my part told W that this M is over, but we have the chance to piece together something new if she wanted to, but if we do that, we would have to do things differently, because if you keep doing what you're doing you'll keep getting what you're getting. (this made her laugh). I also said if we tried to work on the M we would have to do so with the help of C, she didn't reject this suggestion which is good. In the past she has said f'ing no way to counselling.

We touched on the lack of sex in our M and her need to turn to OM but we didn't get to the deeper issues.

I asked W could I return to the main bedroom. At first she said she didn't know, then she asked did I want to return. I said I always wanted to return, but I wouldn't do so with out her permission. W said I can return to the main bedroom.

R talks are paused for now. Phew !!

That sounds really positive to me!

You're doing great.

Money can't buy me love, but it has bought me another 2 days of shopping with W and D6. W is a shopahoilic, she shops til you drop. Actually these shopping trips have been good for us as a family spending time together , we've spent loads of money but we've not been stupid. In fact we used to do this a lot before D6 was born but I was never really enthusiastic about wandering around shops. Hmmm.... some clues here for me to think about.

Today W said she really enjoyed our time together and she was glad to see that I wasn't fed up or bored. The atmosphere between us feels good, and even when she was critical about my driving we ended up laughing about it.

Another good day, no R talk although I've got a couple of things burning away that I want to bring up. (Stop blaming me for this latest PA, you were the one who promised 2 years ago you would never see OM again, and if he called you would let me know).

Tonight I just look forward to being in the same bed as W again, I just wish it was possible for me to reach out and touch her.

Hey All,

I'm beginning to pick up on more clues and make connections in my sitch.

W and D6 & I have pretty much spent all of the holiday period together, be it shopping, visiting (her) family and friends or just chilling at home. The rest of the holiday period is already planned out and the 3 of us are doing things together. W has said she has really enjoyed this time together. All of this coming from the woman who 2 months ago, wouldn't talk to me, didn't want to be in the same room as me, and had both feet outside of the M.

I'm picking up from W that her primary love language is Quality Time, WOW, I always thought it was Heartfelt Gifts or Acts of Service. I've just ordered the book and I'm gonna give it a proper read to get a real understanding.

W seems to be moving forward with our R without saying or admitting that's what we are doing. So I just going to go with the flow at her pace and see where it takes us

Oh, one for the things W bought with her xmas money (Bonus from work and some from FIL) was a Sat Nav kit for her new car. This weekend WE are taking a trip out of town to visit some of her relatives. We're both excited about using this new toy to plan out our route.

Things certainly feel better, but I hope it's not just for xmas though.

This just came into my head.

W was unhappy with her job so SHE changed that (several times) to get one SHE is happy with.

W was unhappy with her car so SHE changed that to one SHE is happy with.

W was unhappy with her H so HE changed to one HE is happy with. (maybe SHE will be to ).

I hope this is true for all of you cos sometimes I feel like I'm alone here, need some feedback to guage where I am. My regular correspondent Pudsy is moving into piecing in her life, if not on this board, so I don't hear from her too much.

Anyway, although it wasn't planned to be like this W, D6 & I have spent the whole of the holiday period so far together. But despite her A, despite saying the M is over, despite saying a whole heap on other alien stuff, it feels like W is working on the R without actually saying she is. So I accept this for what it is without reading too much into it.

Actually, saying W is working on the R is a bit strong, its more like she wants to be around me, wants to do things with me, and is comfortable with that. Today we were sat in the car outside a fast food restaurant, I went in to get food and they didn't have what she wanted, so I bought a whole heap of other options for her just in case. She said to me you shouldn't have done that, I have simple tastes, if they haven't got what I want leave it at that. I am a woman who is easily pleased. (If only that was true in our R.)

The good thing for me at the moment is that I am now reporting back on positive interactions with W and not her anger, long may it continue.

I'll drink to that

Hello All,

I'm doing ok, but it's tougher than my post suggest so don't feel that I don't need encouragement now and again.



Today W came back from the hairdressers and gave D6 a big hug, I said to W what about me, and she gave me a big hug (in a way that avoided a kiss) but a hug anyway. Felt really good.

So W no longer afraid to touch me, the alien appears occasionally but in the main W had been good W.