Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Giggity Giggity.. Giggity Goo

Yeah... so today, she calls while out shopping. Evidently Grandma has signed both D's up for Dance/Ballet on my night. That's fine.

Then she calls to ask what I got the girls. I told her the other night I was going shopping on Friday, that if she didn't want confusion etc to email me the list of things she was going to get. Well.. that was the night she entertained 2 men and she was too busy. So today, she's mad because I bought stuff she wanted to buy. She suggested I take some of my stuff back.

Not going to happen. She said it was BS.. not fair. Not my fault she was too busy. Moron.

Also.. she is acting like last night never happened. Evidently OM is watching the kids so she can shop.

She also mentioned getting her saddle stand when she drops the D's off Monday morning.. evidently OM will be with her for that.

I wish there was a button I could push or a hat I could wear that would make it to where I don't care about her anymore.

Jar,


This is just my opinion, but I really think there's something particularly wrong with your W (I can hear you thinking, "Hah, tell me something I don't know!") I mean, the way she tries to keep you in tow all the while seeing the OM -- what part of reality does she not get? Any of it?

To be honest, at first hearing how your W still flirts with you and continues to give you the opportunity to do the same -- even to the point of dressing right in front of you now (wow!) -- I was inclined to be a little jealous. But then I realize this is while she continues to have the R with the OM. It would, to me, be more fun in the long run to being disemboweled while heavily drugged up on crack and morphine -- yes, it wouldn't hurt at first, and might even feel good, but in the end your guts are spilled out all over the floor (sorry to be so morbid).

Next time you might ask her is she seriously thinking of an "open marriage" (an oxymoron if there ever was one), because this seems to go well beyond cake-eating. One would hope her reaction to that would be one of abhorrence, but the way you've been describing her, she is so mixed up about what she wants that she might even consider it first before ruling it out -- if that's the case, then that will tell you just how lost she really is.

Hang tough there, bro'.

My H's girlfriend has asked her H numerous times for an open marriage.

jar, you sound so calm when you talk about your interactions with your W. You are my hero.

I also agree I think she sounds like a lunatic. I would be worried for my children's safety with this moron. I mean entertaining strange men. Children getting weird disease's from his children. She is partying and just seems to be unstable.

But without a doubt she seems to want to keep you in tow. Whenever she senses you withdrawing from her she pulls you back in wanting more. Then she distances herself again. I wonder how she would react if you said you slept with someone else. Or you were dating someone.

But one thing that amazes me is how she could in a million years bring this man anywhere near you. That is disrespectful. But the way you handle yourself is AMAZING!

So the strange gets stranger.

W asked if I had extra wrapping paper and tape. I did, but she would need to swing by here. She said she would and then bailed. Then she asked about tape again, but I was out and about.

Called the D's at 6.. I was at a wing place and again she chewed me out for being with women. I asked if she had tape and she didn't.. I was going to make it an early night, so I told her I could bring the tape by if she would like. She said she'd let me know.

W called and we talked for a bit.. she's going on about how she's depressed etc. Evidently OM was out at a dinner.. that's her sign for lonely. She said she may go to bed early, but she may give me a call to bring over the tape.

Shortly after, MIL calls.. asks if I'm heading over to W's. Told her about our conversation. Evidently, the "friend" that was over the other night was on his way over.. he told W he was interested in her. She was uncomfortable with this but couldn't say no. MIL asked that I go over or she would. I called W and she acted like it was no big deal.. I asked if she wanted me to come over and she said yes. So I did.

I get there, and W is dolled up.. makeup, earrings, and in her pajamas. She's doing Xmas cards and "friend" is there. I don't know what she's thinking.. she has the D's BTW. I took her outside and chewed her out. She was thankful that I was there. I asked if BF would be coming.. she didn't know.. he was mad at her (wonder why?). Her and BF were texting.. I asked if he was coming and she thought he was. Finally, I texted BF and asked if he was coming.. he said he was. When BF showed up, I bailed. He shook my hand and said "I appreciate it".. shoot me now.

I get home and have a long talk with MIL. I think things are finally coming to light for her on this sitch. She is going to demand that she go to counseling. She actually admitted that she didn't think she was being a fit mother. Not sure what good it will do, but I feel it was a good conversation.

After that, I got several texts from BF.. again thanking me.. then saying how much he respected me and the kids. How he understands how hard it is to have another man in his kids lives. If he ever stepped out of bounds to let him know.

I wanted to say several things, but I let it go.

This morning W called.. she thanked me for coming over. Said I could've stayed longer.. I told her "You know I'm not comfortable with that".. She said it meant a lot to her.. I said "You mean a lot to me." She said "And you me"

I can only hope she gets into counseling. I will pursue means if necessary to get my daughters on full custody. She is putting them in danger and it's all because she has no self esteem.

Merry Xmas all!!

Jar...take it from me, start documenting EVERYTHING. Trust me, you might need this stuff later on.

Write down dates/times and what was said. Also document what her mother is saying as well.

It sucks, Im going through it too.

Jar,

I'm sorry your W is such a mess. I hope that she gets some help so that you don't have a custody battle, but I am glad that you are willing to go that route if it is necessary.

Try to shut all of this off for a couple of days so that you can have a good holiday.

Merry Christmas,

Nut

Jar, & others, thanks for the feedback earlier & you were all right in that I was over-thinking.

Now, Jar, Holy $h1t.... I must admit, I would definitely have cut ties with the spouse by now. And I definitely agree with Hurtin about documenting EVERYTHING. It really sounds like she's looking for affirmation of her beauty through the attention of other men, yet knows it and isn't doing anything about it. The reason I believe she knows it, is she wouldn't have asked you to be there when her BF's friend was there while her BF was at dinner. It's as if she wanted the guy's attention but knew she was too weak to not give in to any advance he may make toward her. Definitely scary situation for your Ds.

I would not want to get back into a R with someone who hasn't dealt with their esteem issues. But, I can also understand loving them and wanting them to get to a healthy place too. I've never loved anyone the way I love my H now and can only thank God above for having me hang in there, cause a big part of me wanted to just walk away and start over.

But, sometimes we know a person's potential and that alone gives us hope. The question you have to ask yourself is if your W really has the potential to be the person she needs to be. In other words, was the self-esteem ever in her to begin with at one time and maybe she just lost it along the way for some reason?

What helped me to hang on to my H was that I knew what type of person he was when we first got together and that he had somehow just got lost. My first H was not the same and I honestly never wanted to make it work with him. Maybe I should have for my son's sake, but I think I knew he would always have some type of emotional issues and would not get the needed counseling.

I'm praying for your W and for God's guidance for you.

I hope you have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE HERE!!!! YOU ALL DESERVE THE MOST WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS EVER!!!!!!!

This caught my eye. Some writer's will have a special hat they put on when they are sitting down to write - it's something that helps them get into the "zone" for writing, a talisman.

Maybe you COULD get a hat, some special hat, that you would only wear around her when you wanted to be really detached. Wearing the hat would help you remember to detach. I like the idea!

Ellie

A few months ago I happened to get one of those rubber wristbands (one that is from Lance Armstrong's "LiveStrong" cancer awareness organization) with a multivitamin purchase. I try to wear the band whenever I am around the W -- I discreetly snap the wristband against my wrist at times to remind myself to mind my tongue and my feelings around W.

It works... mostly. I develop some good red marks from heavy snapping at times.