Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Help.. H has lost it!!!!

He has smoked pot since he was like 18 and he is 33. He is a freak it- has to have it- May be a resaon but he won't admit that pot is addicting in that bad of a fashion. I truly don't know.

Just a mess- it is not easier when they come home that is for sure!!

Alison- what do you know about seraquel? I hope I spelled it right

Thanks
Lisa

A freak who has to have it sounds addicted to me, his opinion on that isn't very important.

Lisa, you are not a failure because he has faults that he doesn't see, or won't fix. I will say that if he has hurt you before, the chances are he'll do it again. At some point it's going to get worse, not better.

I feel very strongly that it is time to do what you need to do to protect yourself, and your kids. I don't think your H even enters the equation at this point. He's crossed the line, it doesn't matter why, to me. I don't think this is a DB case, other than to make yourself stronger. I think he needs to be gone.

Sorry to say this, I really am. I think any other course is going to get you, or your kids, or both, really hurt.

(((((Lisa)))))

Jeff

(((Lisa)))

Even Michele states in her book, not for cases of abuse. Please be aware. Physical abuse gets worse, not better. Your H may need help for his drugs, which no doubt play into his behavior. I know you love him, but love also means doing the best for someone even if its hard. You should seek help and protection. Is there someone that can be with you, a friend..family member? Do others know about the pot? Maybe its time for rehab?

Most people do not think of pot as addictive, but it can be for some. It also may not be all he is doing. Do you know for sure?

You are in my prayres love.

(((((((((((Lisa)))))))))))

I'll email you about this.

Yep pot can do some pretty nasty rewiring...I watched my uncle go down that road...
Lisa...does H drink?...I ask because my H started becoming more and more abusive...I realized that it was the alcohol after remembering how his father acted when drinking...I called 9-1-1 the next time he got plowed and started in on me...he had one relapse where he called asking for help...I went to his office...found him passed out on the floor...got him up and down stairs...then called 9-1-1 and had him taken to a hospital...they directed him both times toward the help he needed...it has been almost one year of sobriety for him...not that he drank all the time it was just when he did it was not pretty....
When H was still drinking it was 100X harder piecing...when he got cleaned up from that it made things go a lot easier...I would say that you need to draw the line...like I did...I saw what the alcohol was doing even though H didn't...I put my foot down and told him that I wouldn't live like that...and then I backed it up by getting help when he went down that road...yes, I gave him a second chance but I could see he was truly trying...
I think you need to draw that line for your H...no more pot...period...if he shows up stoned call 9-1-1...the doctors in the ER can get him help...then it is up to him...
I don't think you can battle this as long as he is using any sort of mind altering substances...legal or otherwise...I hid my H's binges (he didn't have them often) but realized when he came home that I couldn't do that anymore...I let the kids see him like he was...his friends saw him like he was...no more covering up...and I went to a few Alanon meetings just to give myself some reassurance during the initial stages of recovery with him...
You need help...he needs help...and you can do this but he has to work WITH you...

Take care....Lin

Thanks so much

Alison- I responded to your email- both of them thanks so much for taking the time to help.

Lin- His father was an alcoholic and my H used to go through a bottle or 2 of wine a night- he wouldn't get violent just pass out asleep- but basically acted normal. Our Church is involved now so he has some many folks now to hold him up and hold him accountible. I see him trying and he has admitted to pastors and his family that he has anger issues and takes those out on me sometimes- nothing really serious but a bruised arm here and there. He did admit that! Big step for him. He is currently trying some meds or atleast he is suppose to be but he is nervous about taking them.

I took him to his labor job today and he seems happier- He says he is taking it one day at a time

I am still lost though well- I am trying to rely on GOD and of course you wonderful angels here

Love<lisa

H didn't necessarily get physically violent with me...but verbally he sure did...only once did he shove me but in all honesty I shoved him first (mainly because he was standing there staggering trying to tell me that he hadn't been drinking...so I said if you haven't been drinking then why can I just push you over...and I gave him a shove...I should have known better)

The point is that as long as they are abusing any substance they are not going to be in their right mind...do the people who are trying to help from the church know of his pot use?...or his drinking till he passes out asleep?...if not I really do think you should talk to them and let them know...confidentially...so maybe they can ask H...get him to open up to them...this will do wonders in his own recovery...

I know how hard it is piecing...and wondering if your doing the right thing...I also know that when you have an H who is abusing alcohol and/or pot that it increases the stress level a lot...when H finally admitted that he was an alcoholic (they come in all forms...some don't drink that much...do some research for yourself on this) it was such a huge relief to me...then as the days went to weeks...and weeks to months...it really did aid my stress levels...and it really showed in our R and the recovery of us as a couple...

So I can't stress enough to you that really the success of your R/M depends probably more on his willingness to face his addictions then any other one factor!

Lin

i am scared. my h is taking my van he is threatening to come through the window- kids arent here i am scared to call cops-

Call the authorities, leave the house, go to a safe place. Neighbors, somewhere very visable. NOW.