Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Waiting for WAW to come back, patience is a virtue

Well, got another bomb last night. W is adamant about D. All the improvements are supposedly illusions. W has found potential OM. I feel like dying. Thought we had a chance. Nice thing to close out the year I suppose.... *sigh*

Dave,

Let her sink or swim on her own. You have been propping her up too long. It's not likely the new OM will want a whining, dependent, incapable, short-tempered woman around for long.

Sara, unfortunately she's never whining, dependent or incapable. She's fiercely independent and very capable. I doubt the short temper will show up with OM initially. She is an amazingly generous and kind person that's fun to be around. You'll never know all the other issues unless you are move involved with her. Just like dagger to my heart that she's with someone else.....

Well, she's probably spending new years eve with him. Was told that she rather spend it with him. Oh well... Going to try to act as if. It's not the end until the fat lady sings. I just don't understand how can anyone be so cold hearted and refuse to forgive.....

Sorry to hear the latest goings on. Keep the faith and continue to work on you and stay strong, the kids certainly deserve the best father they can have through this time of year.
I understand this dagger all to well, went through the same thing last new years and may have to again this year.

At times I do wonder why God is putting me on this path and why my W's heart is so hardened... She has always been very headstrong. I suppose once she's had something in her head it's hard for her to let it go. She has some crazy idea that if she sees other people and that doesn't work then maybe we still have a chance many years down the road. So sad for the kids.... I will probably spend New Years Eve with the kids. I know W will be with potential OM. Oh well I have no control over that. Just sucks that for the past 8 years I've spent it with her....

ATM I'm a bit conflicted. I don't know if I want to keep waiting for her or move on. Should I start seeing other people.... I'm so tired of being alone. I want somebody to share things with. Right now W is absolutely refusing to spent a minute of alone time with me. We can't even hang out, watch a TV show or anything. Am I being an idiot continue to wait and wait for her to come around? The only motivation for me right now are the kids. I really want them to have a whole family... I'm so tired of hearing the kids are resillient, they'll adjust. Do the WAS not realize the emotional trauma they go through even though they adjust? I love my W very very much, but you can't make a person to love you back. How long do I wait? At what point do I just give up?

Yep, so we are doing the D thing. W is actually in a rather good mood and very nice to me after deciding she wants a D. Kinda makes me bitter. The only way for her to finally be happy is a D from me? *sigh* Gotta keep my head high and keep living MY life. Whatever happens happens I suppose.

So, the pain seems to lessen every day. Every now and then I get a pang of it but not as bad. No anxieties (well besides worrying about financial stuff and the kids), but nothing of the doom and gloom compare to the previous bomb. Almost as if I'm just numb and I'm just there. I don't care much of anything anymore ATM. I'm sure something will hit me again when she really starts being involved with someone, but that's for me to deal with as it comes. Not sure how do I let go yet and still be open if there are chances down the road. Any suggestions on how I should cope would be great.

W continues to be very nice. Wonder if that'll change once she starts seeing other people.... Going back reading my journals, I was doing so great and so optimistic just a week ago. Praying to God that things will be easier next year. I know I've grown as a person and I will continue to do that. Learned a ton about myself, relationships, and what's important to me in life. At least I know I'm addressing my issues and my screw ups and hopefully I won't repeat my mistakes again next time around whether it's with her or someone else. Feel sad that W is not accepting her responsibilities and looking within to address her own issues. I know she will stumble on them again and get hurt again. It breaks my heart to see her being hurt, but she has to learn those things on her own.

Dave,

Yes. I'm glad you asked. You should start seeing other people. The only way you will ever be attractive to your wife is if she thinks she's losing you. Right now you are her doormat and she wipes her feet on you. Until you are someone who someone else wants you are not of interest to her. Even then, you should not go back to her completely. She will never respect a man she can boss around.

Thanks Sara. I guess I should straighten out my life and then see what happens.... One day at a time....