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My ex MIL just called me. I shouldn't have picked up. After some small talk about Xmas she finally started laying into me. For the most part she has been supportive...to a point. She feels that H's drinking is the sole reason he is the way he is. I believe the drinking is a part but he has other serious issues as well along the lines of typical MLC.

Anyway, she said that I was being unfair to him and he is devastated that I have cut him out of the rest of the pregnancy as long as he was behaving this way. She felt that as long as he wasn't drinking that particualar moment he ought to be allowed to come around when he wants. So in other words he can tom cat around town, drink, be an a**, but if he wants to come and be a family man he should. She said I was punishing him in the wrong way.

I gave it right back to her. I told her I was doing this to protect myself and kids. We are seriously affected by his behavior and I don't want it around. I know when the baby comes we will have to work out something, but right now there is no need.

She also layed into me because she feels that I am relying on my friends to much now and they shouldn't know personal details of the situation. That I should keep H's issues to myself and that I was slandering him. They are my support system! I am sorry she raised a flake but protecting H's reputation is not my concern. He bailed on us more than once. He is an alcoholic. His reputation speaks for itself.

Grrrr....so frustrating.

Having a down moment....I had to take my daughter to practice and pick up her friend on the way. I had to drive right by H's house. He wasn't there. He is usually home on weeknights and I know OW doesn't have her kids on T/Th nights. I am kinda thinking he is there.

Ok, pick myself up now. Realize that me and baby were easy to walk away from. Not worth it to him or he would be here fighting

I have to work on my PMA today. Not working well. I had a long night of tossing and turning. I am getting so big that I am not comforable anymore, plus my mind was in overdrive.

I kept thinking that I am truly doing this alone. H is not going to step up. I made an appointment for Jan. 14 to see an attorney regarding cs and my rights. Maybe that has made me sad. That it really is coming to this. I haven't asked H to pay for anything yet for baby. I have bought everything so far and it would be nice for him to pay for something, but I don't know if I should. Would that give him more say in her life?

Geez, you would think after 1 1/2 years of this back and forth bs, I would get a clue that this is who H is. He cannot do it. He cannot be a real man. I picture him with OW or whoever he is with. Does he forget us? Does he pretend like life is great?

Sorry so2 only have a moment as things are sad here right now. You are doing what you ned to do. The next time she wants to discuss YOUR SITCH WITH H(not hersany more than your friends ;)) tekk her that you won't discuss it with her and remove yourself from her ranting.

Try to PMA today will talk soon.

JAK

Back to having a bad day. Its that middle stage where you realize that things are not changing and he truly is going another way. That missing me is not happening and he is more involved with OW.

I got a call from a friend who went to her son's xmas program last night. She saw H's daughter playing alot with OW's young son. She also saw OW and H's daughter walking together, but she never saw H. Doesn't mean he wasn't there somewhere. So obviously they are not calling it quits and my absence is not very threatning to him.

Alone and very sad

I just sent H a text telling him that I had my 28 week tests done and results will be in soon. He asked a strange question: Who took you there? I said me. My guess its coming from my statement from last weekend about my family and friends stepping in to help me through the rest of the pregnancy and H feeling like I am excluding him. He then replied: ok, need to discuss some things with you when I am feeling better.

Ok, what things? What can he possibly have to discuss? I really don't want to hear that he is publicly dating OW or anyone else. I don't want to hear that we are not going to work out, but he will be here for the baby. I have a feeling its one of those two things. I know its not he has changed his mind and wants to step up. I am thinking of possible scenarios and my possible reactions.

I am sure it won't be for a day or two. Now I am stressing.
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All quiet today. No contact from him at all. Weekend is here so I am sure he will be drinking it up in the next few days.....family? baby? Won't be on his mind.

Well... as the saying goes.... Actions speak louder than words.