Are you doing any things to make yourself happy or relaxed? Listening to favorite music, etc. Meditation even for a few minutes a day helps me. Or I listen to a Progressive Relaxation CD before I fall asleep.
FLTC, it's hard to say what the right way is to maintain what is left of your family after separation. I am choosing to join my W for Christmas eve and Christmas morning (she invited me), it's for the kids. Will this continue year after year, who knows. W still plans for us all to go to the cottage with our friends this summer! I'm not quite there yet and maybe never will be. I hope you're keeping well.
Thanks for writing. I am more than busy, and have more than enough music to listen to and weights to lift and machines to row and run on, so I'm fine in that regard. Wii: I feel for you. I went through that kind of holiday last year. It was the saddest Christmas of my life. Matilda: Maybe you're D17 (I have a D17 too!) doesn't want a tre up because she is broken hearted over her family, and isn't full of a lot of joy. Just a guess. Ah.. the money.....reality/separation/divorce DOES bite!
Now is when it starts to impact. No money for D17 to go to college, and I've been away from home for a year, and my wife is getting full pay, harardous duty pay, sepation pay, all tax free. I have "0" expenses here. She's a super-smart women. With no money left, a D who wants to go to college, and two more smart kids who can get into any college they want....and a financially devastating divorce at her fingertips, what will that do to them? I will refuse to live like I did last year----in a garage apartment with no stove.....NFW!
FLTC I would have them check into the guard. Yes a deployment or two but you get school. My kid had a juvie record and I believe that is a USMC entrance requirement.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
Maybe you're D17 (I have a D17 too!) doesn't want a tree up because she is broken hearted over her family, and isn't full of a lot of joy. Just a guess.
I do have D17 in counseling. Her famous line is, BUT MOM! YOU need counseling more than ME!!!" Her therapist does think she is handling things well. I see her as being more upset when her dad calls at the last minute for a "token visit". Or, she is disappointed when he doesn't call at all. She will call him which I think is great. No matter what happens between you and your wife I think how you treat your children is critical. It sounds like they are high on your priority list already. Have you found them some unique gifts for Christmas? (is there anywhere to shop besides the little px?)
My W. actually told me she would get the presents from both of us this year, ans put both our names on them, or simply "Santa". That's OK with me. she also has gotten D17 a a graduation present from both of us. D17 (like yours!) graduates this month, but will stay in Utah for a couple more months before returning home. I sent some pictures to her for my son. I got no response from her. Oh, well.
Hill: I was actually thinking of steering her to the Air Force, but I'm not sure she has any interest in the military, or even trying it. It would be great for her. I see how the Air Force live around here vs. Army. No comparison. Hands down, much better treatment. It would get her away from home, and would give her money and responsibility. Of course, thes days, some femal Airmen are in the turrets of our guntrucks on convoys. I just saw the "Hero of the Week" on the Multinational Corp-Iraq Briefing...a 23 year old female lieutenant who ws here for only 2 months and was killed on a convoy. We all need to try and balance that!
You know FLTC I really wonder about these little things she does like agree to get the gifts and put both your names on them. My gut tells me she ain't done that there is some ever so slight glimmer of light within her. Now are you strong enough to continue to weather the storm and will she ever be able to put the guard down enough to open up to those feelings? Well only you can answer those questions and all I and the rest of us can do is give you support.
So my friend, once again I look up to you with great respect, you are weathering the storm of your marriage and serving with heroic zeal. Keep giving her the space, do nothing to pressure her and keep love and a positive attitude in your heart and mind.
Oh and save some d@mn money for yourself!!
As for D17, what about the peace corp?
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
You've been on my mind and I saw this the other day. Look over it and tell me what next year will bring for you. It all seems pretty self-evident, but you'd be amazed how many people don't get these facts.
NH ...............
The Facts Of Life
Life is not fair.
No one is exempt from death.
Physics rules the universe and biology rules life.
The universe does not care.
The only constant in life is change.
There is always a choice.
Wishing never makes it so.
A person can't exceed their limits.
A person is responsible for their own happiness.
It is impossible to change the character of another.
Thanks everyone. A great freind of mine here in Iraq gave me a copy of the DEC 2007/JAN 2008 Men's Health Bst Life. There was an article in it called "Sudden Divorce Syndrome" that speaks to so many of the males on this board. It's stuff you probably know, but it's good to have it reinforced. Sometimes you can do nothing wrong, but nothing right. The article speaks to how difficult divorce is on men, especially those of us who are fathers.
My friend is an African American lieutenant colonel, who is a successful businessman in civilian life. He single handedly raised three daughters, because his wife was not "passionate" about their marriage and was diinterested in their kids. She just wanted out. He reviews their English papers via the internet 5 hours before his 16 hour work day begins. What do these WAW's want..Ughhhhhh!
Her therapist does think she is handling things well. I see her as being more upset when her dad calls at the last minute for a "token visit". Or, she is disappointed when he doesn't call at all. She will call him which I think is great. No matter what happens between you and your wife I think how you treat your children is critical. It sounds like they are high on your priority list already. Have you found them some unique gifts for Christmas? (is there anywhere to shop besides the little px?)