Thanks Hill and Matilda. Today, I'm angry. It's the first time that my pain and horrible, horrible grief have turned to anger. And it's all directed at my wife. I'm angry for her having to be right all the time, and never being able to roll with the punches, not matter what. I'm rabid about her never allowing me to make any decision without a 4 point critique, and 5 more points how every decision was not a good one, yet being angry when I stopped making decisions. I'm furious at her for doing this to the kids, and yes, she did it. My faults aside, she's the one who wants to rip this family apart, because of "her needs". My "needs" weren't exactly satisifed either, but I would NEVER do this to my family on MY NEEDS or the basis of being "unhappy" No abuse, good father, hard worker, great provider, solid citizen, faithful. Yep, didn't focus on her as much as I should have, much like a lot of men with two jobs and three small kids, but if that's the extent of wanting to take away a family from my kids and rob me of seeing them every day, waking up with them and putting them to bed, as I did for 17 years...well, not good enough. I'm tired of rolling with the punches, and putting "no expectations on her". I'm tired of DBing.....period. No melting of the iceberg in 2 years. None. Zero, zilch, nada, nine, nyet!
I'll be expected to come to my old house where I can't even use the bathroom, THAT I PAID FOR, and put up a Christmas tree with 22 years worth of ornaments FOR THE KIDS SAKE. Sorry, not interested. If you cared about the children, why did you do this to them? I refuse to have that for the kids shi& dropped on me. I'm not interested in having my very soul ripped out of me every time I visit my old house. I'm sorry, but I'm venting. I'm angry. I'm furious. I'm not buying the "forgivness is a gift you give yourself" shi* Tonight, I just want to vent and be angry FLTC. I'm not going to do anything stupid, but damn, I'm furious.
Well FLTC My wish has been granted. THe bad guys are not safe. I do not think I'd join the muj in your AO.
I agree while one partner is harboring resentment for deeds years past and has long since given up they perform a slash an burn tatic that fries their spouse, kids, and their own futures.
When I tried for 1.5 yrs to patch my marriage and turn around and got to the point you were at I unloaded verbally on my X while during my workup. Complaints were similar but not exact. Anyway a Few months later I got the dear john while incountry. Not to say I was the perfect H.
Wish I knew what to say to you but we do read you lima charlie.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
FTLC, I have the same feelings going through me at times. My W is still pointing all her fingers at me. Accoring to her...I got us in this situation. If I'm in pain, I caused it all. If I didn't want the family apart and children go through this, well, I should've thought about that when I didn't treat her right. Well you know what, it took two of us to get here, not just me. Experience your anger and grief. It is healthy to not run away from them. Just don't hold onto them like my W does. It only hurts the person that holds on and makes he/she a very very bitter person. We will all get through this and be ok. It's a very painful life lesson for us. But on the positive side, we are addressing our faults, they aren't. We will be better off in the end. They will be in the second/third/whatever marriage stats as the failures. They think by cutting us off they have fixed their problem. Oh boy are they wrong when they find out with the next person that they still have the same problems plus more.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Anger seems perfectly normal and justified, FLTC. Just remember, though, your wife can't take the kids from you! When you are ready,start looking forward to spending time with them when you finally get your R&R.
So vent away! Meanwhile, I'll send an extra hug (((FLTC))) (((FLTC)))
Thanks for not being judgemental of me like I expected some of you might. I expected to have no support when I came on today. I could go home tomorrow and say, "Wow, none of this is worth it. I don't want our kids to have a fractured family. Let's just get our acts together and fulfill the promises we made to each other. Marriage is a journey, not a static position". I hate quitterss, and I hate the marriage counselor who said "the definiton of insane is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". Go to hel*!
Well, guard tower duty tomorrow. A chance to give my enlisted soldiers a day off. I'll be 40 feet up looking out over the plains of Salah ad Din Province for 4 hours! I'm doing it every holiday. Love my soldiers! They're like Labrador Retrievers: Always loyal, no matter what!
