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At some point we both need to get to a place where we don't care if they text or not. Go about our lives and not think about them. I haven't gotten there yet, but I really want to. I believe its something that we have to consciously do and not something that is just gonna happen.

I have been trying all day to think of things that can keep me busier without stressing myself out. I have been feeling worn out and tired as this pregnancy is drawing to a close in a few months. I went grocery shopping today and when it was all said and done I was exhausted.

Have you text'd him at all or is it him initiating the texts?

He initiates the texts. I try not to call or text unless I absolutely have to. But, I can't help that I feel like after all these years I have been reduced to someone he once loved and no longer does. I don't really know that that is the case. But, when he doesn't call me or text me for days I feel pretty insignificant. He been gone 6 weeks. There is no indication that he will ever come home. I can't even get him to care about me and his baby more than that stranger he moved in with (OW). I seem to have a really hard time because I feel as though he chose her over us. I know that everyone says that it has nothing to do with her. But, if she weren't in the picture, I know he would be home and we could have fixed what was broken. I feel like I lost my chance at having the family I dreamed of. He didn't even give us a chance to have that. When I don't hear from him I just feel like he is off caring for her and her children instead of caring for me, his wife that is carrying his only child, his first child. It makes me sad, not just for me, but for him (because I know what he is going to lose) and for our child (because I don't ever want them to know that he chose NOT to be a family). It scares the heck out of me.

My sister said the only thing that H will suffer for at least in the beginning is in his checkbook. He will have to pay child support. The rest, as of right now, is insignificant to him.

Funny you should mention that. He is pissed that I want to go through the courts for child support. He wants to know why we can't work it out on our own. I'll tell you why. Because you WON'T live up to your obligation. I know that money is a HUGE motivator for him. Not that I want to hurt him (maybe just a little), but why should he get off easy for betraying me and breaking up our family? No way. He says that he doesn't want to get reamed by the court system, pay me a bunch of money so some can go to our child and the rest I spend on myself doing WHATEVER. He's an idiot sometimes. I wonder if he has to pay me Alimony also since I will be off for maternity leave. Hmmmm....

He will most likely have to pay alimony. Protect yourself and your child.

I agree going thru the courts. There certain formulas they use to calculate child support. That way its not you demanding an amount or him flaking.

They want it this way....live with the consequences.

How do you find patience? I have a terrible time with this. I sit there sometimes and go through the script in my head: he left me for OW, he doesn't love me, how could he do this, why won't he come home, how come i mean nothing, this is hopeless, etc etc. It kills me every time. I get really depressed because I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like the more time he is away, the more he pulls away from loving me again, and gets closer to OW. It is really hard to have FAITH and PATIENCE. REally hard.

I know this is proabably not something you want to be thinking right now and in no way am i saying you should be happy about this, but a different perspective...

1) if it weren't her, it very easily could have been someone else. I highly doubt that he was walking down the street minding his own business when this random woman of his dreams walked up and begged him to be with her.
2) He told you he had been unhappy for a while. He never told you, he just left you. I'm not sure what makes you think that had it not been for her, he would have told you and would have been willing to stay and work on it. Everything in his behavior says the opposite of that.
3)This time apart, will help you to both grow as people (you first, him eventually,hopefully). If you both grow individually and then do reconcile, your M can be that much stronger. when you've made it through something this difficult, it makes most other stuff seem pretty unimportant.

I know you want someone to blame. This all has to be someone's fault. Blame only makes you feel better for a second. It doesn't solve the problem or make anything any better. What's been done, is done. It can't be changed or corrected. there are no do overs. Starting here and now, you can choose how you want to live. Do you want to feel insignificant? NO!! Does he make you feel that way? YES! How will you react to that? Will you use that to detach and say I am worthy of true love - or - will you let it destroy you and give him that satisfaction?

Being a mother is one of the most important and rewarding things to be. There is nothing insignificant about being pregnant and being a mother. You are important and you have one of the most important jobs there are. You are molding another person. If not for you, then be strong for that baby living and growing inside you. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

God Ann are you sure you're only 25? You seem to have a lot of wisdom for someone that young. You're right, if not her, someone else, eventually. I do want to blame someone and I can't seem to blame him very well. The "right" thing to do was to NOT bring OW into our lives. But, I believe and I have heard from numerous people that he saw an opportunity in her. Here was someone he probably knew he could move in with and would foot the bill, at least for a while. He can't really be on his own. He wouldn't be able to afford it and he can't handle money whatsoever. You'll see a lot about the money stuff in my previous posts and posts to come, I'm sure. I just hate that he is with someone else. I hate it. It eats me up inside. I always come back to that. Eventually, I'll get past it. Patience...hard to have.

yep yep... I'm only 25.

my parents had a lousy M that i think i've learned a lot from and now here i am. I've read a ton of books too. Too bad all the book smarts in the world and no application of it doesn't get me anywhere except on my own thread... hehe...

He sounds like a little boy. He needs to grow up and be responsible. M or not, he's got a family to care for or at minimum, pay for!! just hang in there.

Okay, here is a scary thing. I feel not horrible right now. I felt pretty strong earlier and felt like I could handle this. I don't need him to make me happy. However, I know that the reason I felt like this had to do with the fact that he text me. My issue is how do I keep from getting really low again when I don't hear from him for a few more days? It worries me that I haven't learned how to take that power out of his hands yet. I don't know if it's the hormones or what, but I can get really really low and down on myself.

He is a little boy. I think he prides himself on that, which is sad. He doesn't really man up to anything. I'm trying to hang in there.