Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Alternate reality??

Oh yay....he's taken the internet cables last night so I can't connect to the internet from home and I am clueless (and fast running out of time and money) as to what I need to do to fix things up.

You probably at a public site.
I would get new cables, place the internet modem to a location where you can easily plug and unplug then take with you or hide.

I would first call your internet provider on the type of connection you have, get the cables at an electronics store that they use. If you can while on the phone call them unless you are on a phone line.

Can you get the locks rekeyed or changed?

God this all sucks.

Does anyone know how you stop being angry at your spouse?

I am alternating today between anger at him and just sheer hopelessness that I am alone. I want to call up friends and have them cheer me up but really they're probably sick of me going on and on and on about h's latest gobsmack. I rang my sissie poo and sooked to her on the phone last night (she's on the other side of the country) and then h rang and wanted to know what was wrong with me earlier when I picked d up. I broke all DBing rules and ended up blubbing and getting really angry at him about all the things he has done. He told me I need to get over it. F me...it's been two weeks since the latest (biggest bomb) and he wants me to get over it and us be friendly??? Look, I'm a great person and I'm tolerant an' all but that's just unreasonable.

I am so mad at him, I don't want to see him or talk to him, but on the other hand I do want to see him and scream and yell at him and have him confess everything and really show that he is sorry. It doesn't matter what he says....it doesn't take back what he's done. And then he turns around and gives the impression that what I did (or didn't do) in the marriage is justification for it all??? I know it's alien spew but I just wish he would try and make it up to me.

I know he's not good for me and I don't want to be back with him. So why am I so upset?

venting....trying to get the pain out..

hey there Loosethread...don't have any advice on how not to be angry at the X but I was wondering if you could tell me how to be angry. I can't for the life of me be angry at him. I realy wish i could. I think that this would be easier. I wish I had some great advice for you tonight but I don't. Sorry.

I don't have any really good ideas but I know there is a book out there with great ideas on how to get even with a cheating scum bag spouse, (and they are very careful to ensure you don't end up charged or in jail). I wish I could remember it's name but I bought it for a friend and had a sneak read before I gave it to her and I can remember sitting there with tears of laughter rolling down my face. Try searching on Amazon.

Seriously though, anger is a stage you do have to go through - just don't let it destroy you. In your situation I think the best way of getting your own back is to show your H you are just fine and dandy without him and there are plenty more pebbles on the beach.

As I have said to so many others on here before, whatever you do, remember that revenge is a dish best served cold and on a long wooden stick.

You go girl - sorry I can't be more useful.

LooseThread,


Maybe because someone you trusted deeply violated that trust deeply?

All of what you described feeling is very "normal," whatever that means. Venting here is good. I remember when I couldn't talk anymore to people in the real world because they were tired of hearing it. Sometimes they didn't even believe it.

Two weeks is the blink of an eye. You're going to take as much time as you need to recover, whether you want to "schedule" that time in or not. Spewing the anger on him won't do much except to give you a very temporary feeling of satisfaction. Waiting to get the apology could be a very long wait indeed.

There's a lot of acceptance in this stuff. We have to accept the WA's choices to leave for their "new life," but we also have to accept that it's painful for us. We have to accept that we'll get through that pain in our own time. All of that is natural, even healthy. It's part of being human.

We have to accept that God is still with us in this.

It's a lot like the 12-Step recovery programs, where the first step is admitting powerlessness over something. We are powerless over the ways our spouses or former spouses treat(ed) our marriages.

You will have better days. Count on it.

Thanks,

Joe

Thanks Joe, Today IS a better day.

Thanks also Saffie, I know it's a phase , it just sucks when it hits.

WAS32 I haven't read your sitch but I've trusted my h to be telling the truth many times now and all the faith I had in him to tell the truth was misplaced. I think it helps me to be angry because honesty is so important to me. h would likely say that I havent been honest with him. But I haven't been unfaithful and lied about it. If I've lied about anything, it's been about how hurt and angry I've been with him, and lying about my true feelings which were that the things he has done have been deal breakers and I just don't want to make him angry by telling him all bets are off - we are not getting back together.

Not sure if that made sense but oh well.

I had a long talk with my mum on the phone last night. d was at her dad's. We talked so long that we flattened the batteries on both our cordless phones! My mum is deeply religious (Catholic) so I wanted to ask her how I stop being angry and forgive him. We went round in circles a fair bit because I don't see the value in being nice to people just so you can get to heaven (she didn't say it like this btw). What if there isn't a heaven? Isn't that going to make me feel pretty ripped off?

I found a cool quote in a book I'm reading that described why we should try to get along with people. I'll have to remember to put it on here later.

I felt better after talking to mum. I did housework while I talked which was even better. I put the groceries away, swept the floor, mopped the floor (twice! cos while I was talking I forgot which bits I had already done cos the tiles dried fast) and then rinse-mopped the floor (so I guess you could say I mopped it three times! I feel so much better having a clean floor. Bit sad hey?

I gave h my idea of the parenting plan today when we met to handover d. It was at the beach and d had gotten some snorkeling gear for Chrissie and he went and bought two new sets, one for him and one for me.

Anyway, apparently, me giving him the parenting plan was "a great way to ruin what could have been a lovely afternoon"

??

As far as I was concerned I was just there to pick up d. He was the one to invite me to go snorkelling, he was the one to go and buy the extra gear (I didn't ask him to), he was the one that thought he was making the extra effort to spend time with me (which he was, but he's missing the point that I don't want to spend time with him! I'm still mad! He said his gf and her son were coming down later (I have no idea how late is later) and I truly didn't want to see them together.

I'm so over his crap.

I think it's all guilt talking/acting. If he can make things so that we can be friendly and get along with each other, then that will help him with his guilt of his betrayal of me. However, that is just thinking of himself. What about what I want and feel? I just want him to commit to having structure about seeing d and quit this push me pull you thing we have going.

Urgh...venting again

Loose, its like they want freedom, but any action taken for that freedom (parenting plan in place), they fight. I don't know why....its what they want. The push/pull thing isn't healthy. I told H just last night that if we don't work together, we are going to ruin what is left between us. Meaning, we are trying to remain cordial and this bitterness is eating us alive (we are both bitter).

The anger. I hear ya. I can't even look H in the eyes right now. If I did, he would see immense disappointment staring at him.

Glad you talked to your mom/mum. It always helps to vent. Hope you have a good Sunday.