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I decided to stop all first contact with my wife and she pretty much disappeared from my life for a month. I would only hear from her once a week and that was just a 10 minute phone call. I felt the same things that you are feeling now. I made a decision though that I think brought her back to a place where she now contacts me regularly and we actually do things together. I decided to use that time to really focus on myself and figure out what I want out of life. What it would truly take to make me happy. I did a lot of soul searching and reading to figure out how I could accomplish that. I thought that I had been happy with my wife and I was totally devastated when she left. I see now that I was relying on her for my happiness and you can't be truly happy when you live like that.

Don't wallow in self pity right now. It won't bring him back to you. If it did it would only be from guilt and that's not going to keep him around forever. Be strong. I'll say a prayer for you.

Peace,
B

It's terribly hard to be strong on days like this. I keep going back to the night that he left and told me that he didn't love me anymore. How do people ever get over that and does that ever change back? I wish so much that he was wishing he had stayed with us. I wish that he was missing me, but I don't feel any of that and none of his actions say that any of those things are true. I use to think that him wanting to have sex with me and worrying about who I was with and if I was having sex with someone else was a sign that he still loved me. But, I don't think that is the case. It really hurts to think that the person YOU love and who you thought loved you, no longer does and I didn't even see it coming. I didn't see it coming. I suppose it would have been easier if we weren't getting along and we were getting distant, but it wasn't like that. He just up and left one day. I miss him, too much today.

You are doing good. 3 days is great. He asked you why you hadn't called. You responded well!! Think about what that means. Because you are not being needy and clingy and you are giving him space (like he asked for) he has no idea what you've been doing, so he's thinking about you and wondering. If he's soooo in love with OW, why on earth would he want to hang out with you? hmmm? doesn't make sense does it. Just keep doing what you are doing. Hang in there and when you can't actually be strong, just fake it.

He reminds me of a cat with a ball of string. When the ball of string is just laying there, he doesn't care. maybe bats at it a bit, but that's it. Once you take the ball and start to drag the string away, then he's like "wow, i didn't know it did that. I better go get it" ... you gotta just keep pulling away.

If he wants to hang out with you so bad and wants to keep tabs on you, he needs to get over OW.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

Ann, thank you. I can't look for reassurance from him, so it's nice to get it here. He asked me why I hadn't called Saturday night. That was the last time I talked to him. I have to admit, however, that night I was not a good DB'er, we were on the phone for 3 hours. Finally, he said "can you believe we've been on the phone for 3 hours?" I just said it didn't feel like it and then we ended the conversation. That was the last time I heard from him. I wonder if he wanted to hang out with me because he desired sex. It seems to be a topic of conversation with him. And, even though I know it's not a good idea to be talking about sex with him, it makes me wonder if now he's not so interested in it with me. He doesn't have ANY idea what I have been doing. I'm really trying to stay strong. It's hard to "fake it". Especially when the I keep pulling the ball of string away and he doesn't respond. Thank you. I know that I lean on this board too much sometimes. I should be able to give myself the pep talks by now. But, whatever works is what I'm gonna do and right now, this board is what works to pull me out.

Blindsided,
I know how scared you are and it is normal. I know you feel as though you mean nothing to him and that is how he is treating you.
Everything you wrote in your post it normal and I felt and feel it all too.

I think you need to stop looking for reassurances. There aren't any. He can't give them to you and the more you look for them to more he's going to insist it is over. Stop giving him reasons to confirm this! You'll just disappoint yourself over and over.

Three days is not really a lot in the grand scheme of things. I know it's hard, but each day will get easier. I promise this. You'll have a bad one here an there but they will get easier over time. You have to focus on you.

Stop thinking that he is "going off into the sunset with the OP". That gives the impression that there is some movie ending to this where they live happily ever after. Life doesn't work this way. Today or tomorrow is not the end of things just because it's one more day you didn't talk. It's a bump in this very long road...and there will be more! Remember...YOU are carrying his baby, YOU are the one he connected to now for life regardless. You know the stats on the affairs...let it play out. The odds are in your favour....have faith!!
I answered your questions to me on my thread.
J~

Jenny thank you for the response. I read it on your thread too. I know that you understand all that I'm going through. The first two days I didn't talk to him were not horrible, but today if for some reason. Probably because we have never gone this long without talking. I don't really know the stats on the affair. Where would I find that? It might actually help, but maybe not. I'm trying to let it play out. But, each day it gets harder. In my mind, I feel like he must be getting use to the idea of not being with me. He is not my H anymore. That kills me. He is someones boyfriend. I hate even writing those words.

blindsided....
I don't know the exact stats....but MOST will end!! I've had people on my thread said that they usually end within 6 months, but it could take longer. I even had a lawyer today tell me that statistically their relationship is doomed. There is no proof or guarantee it will end...just trust it will and accept it may take a long time.

He may be getting used to the idea of being without you. And at first it may be what he wants, time will be the only thing that will allow him to miss you!

Two good days and one bad is pretty good! You'll have ups and downs. But the more you focus on him and what you're not getting from him, the harder it is going to be on you!!

If you hate writing those words, stop writing them. You're torturing yourself with this stuff!!
I'm going to say it again...have Faith.
J~

Okay, sorry another dwelled upon situation. H and I still have family plan cell phone. Today I was checking usage and he has sent 1500 text messages in the last 2 weeks and received about the same. Only 250 of those are between he and I. The rest are between he and OW. Does anyone besides myself think that this is a little bit obsessive behavior? They are living together and texting, not phone conversations mind you, TEXTING constantly. This has been going on the whole time. Last billing cycle there were over 4500 text messages. How can anyone NOT get sick of texting? It seems absolutely ridiculous. But, for some odd reason it hurts my feelings. Maybe it's the new way to communicate, I don't know. But, does anyone think this is weird?

I think it doesn't matter how often he texts her. Your H and OW are in a R. I've heard a lot that As last 6 months to a year. My EA lasted about 3 months, so i think it varies, but here's the thing. YOU have been there 6 years. YOU are having his baby. YOU will always be in contact with him.

Jenny is right. It's hard, but the things you are doing are torturing yourself. 3 days or 3 weeks without talking, doesn't matter. You will talk because of your child eventually. If you take that time away from him, use it to make you happy, then not only will you be more healthy for you and baby, but he'll see it down the line and maybe he'll wonder what he's missing out on.

Right now, he's not missing out on anything. Not a thing. Even if you don't talk a couple days, you will talk again and he'll expect that you'll be more than willing to talk or hang out or whatever he wants. How about next time he calls you let it roll to voicemail. Did you know if you want to leave him a message and don't want to risk talking to him, most voicemails have a feature where you can send someone a message. I have cingular and you go to the main menu and push 2. then you just record the message and then enter their number. You want to let him know something, do it that way or text him. Go dark so he has a chance to miss you. It may take weeks or months, but eventually (most likely) the A will end and he'll be wondering about you. Don't let him eat cake.

have faith... i have faith in you. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

We all should learn from the previous few posts. As down as we feel Blindsided, we have 2 choices GAL, hopefully they will miss us and learn to do it on our own because we might have to anyway or keep doing the same thing we are doing which doesn't seem to be working either.