I know I need to give space, this is a 180 quandry that I am in because in the past I was so distant and disengaged that it is difficult to revert without fear.
Appreciate your feedback....
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
Back to the house last night... Yeah me. Question for you experienced DB'ers, we played some games last night from the book that the MC suggested. We were really having a great time and laughing a lot before bed. However, as soon as the light went out she asked for space...
Funny thing is that she wants to be "close" through the night cuddling on the couch etc but when we get to bed she wants space. Oh, well, I know this has to be part of the process for her and I guess I need to learn to respect her boundries.
Overall I think that things are going ok. She is really amazing me everyday with her progress. Since I have been trying so hard to be a more compassionate, friendly man she has been so much more fun to be around.
Funny how that works!
Have a great day all!
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
Dude, I am so proud of you. You have made incredible progress. I think you also owe your wife alot, she is really starting to come around. There is a lot of hope for you.
My situation was quite different. My wife would just not open the door enough for me to make progress.
You guys are going to make it.
A little advice from a guy who was on track and then the wheels came off...
Don't get too excited. Stay cool, give her space, let her come to you. Also... do not be surprised if you take a step back in the near future. She may start getting a little nervous, get ready to back pedal.
Keep up the amazing work.
Me.... I'm getting divorced and looking forward to starting a new life.
Dude, I am so proud of you. You have made incredible progress. I think you also owe your wife alot, she is really starting to come around. There is a lot of hope for you.
My situation was quite different. My wife would just not open the door enough for me to make progress.
You guys are going to make it.
A little advice from a guy who was on track and then the wheels came off...
Don't get too excited. Stay cool, give her space, let her come to you. Also... do not be surprised if you take a step back in the near future. She may start getting a little nervous, get ready to back pedal.
Keep up the amazing work.
Me.... I'm getting divorced and looking forward to starting a new life.
I hope that something changes in your situation. In the first month of our seperation, there was no opening at all. I was DB'ing or whatever and still nothing. Then I took Dom's advice and realized that my deal had little to do with the normal situation but more so that my W wanted a real husband not some shister.
While, I think that we are moving slowly ahead, I too understand that there are going to be moments of grief and some backward momentum.
However, I have great news to report.... I am moving back in this weekend, for sure! Which will be great.
Keep me posted Fish on your situation, I am praying that something different will happen, but if you do move on I wish you much luck.
Many regards,
Hound
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
Then I took Dom's advice and realized that my deal had little to do with the normal situation but more so that my W wanted a real husband not some shister.
While, I think that we are moving slowly ahead, I too understand that there are going to be moments of grief and some backward momentum.
However, I have great news to report.... I am moving back in this weekend, for sure! Which will be great.
You "lucky dog", you!
Sounds like you are moving forward, with both care, and patience. AND commitment. Wow... what a great, positive change in you. way to go, mr. new man
Last edited by Dom R; 12/14/0707:02 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
I will keep some of the details private but there have been some confirming moments in the last few days that have been hopeful. Most specifically, last night when we were all out Christmas shopping she took a red bow and put it on her head. I said "That is the only present that I want this year." To which she said, "you already have me." And gave me a great kiss.
There are still moments where she is questioning how I could love her so much and hurt her like I have, but I think she sees and understands my commitment to our M and family. Now, I just need to figure out a way to get OM to stop pursuing.
Even though she has asked him to leave her alone I think that he is still texting and calling, although I guess I don't have any proof.
Hmmmm... maybe I should just worry about me.
Thanks again Dom!
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
she took a red bow and put it on her head. I said "That is the only present that I want this year." To which she said, "you already have me." And gave me a great kiss.
that's sweet I'm jealous.
(mind wanders, imagines wife decorated with red bows and nothing else... )
Originally Posted By: houndfan
Now, I just need to figure out a way to get OM to stop pursuing.
Nope. you dont.
It only matters what your wife wants from him at this point.
If OM is still pursuing your wife... "all" you have to worry about, is whether your W really wants to talk to him or not. If she truely does not want to talk to him... then she can either just stop taking his calls, and/or change her phone number.
Oh... there's also a slightly less drastic "block a number" feature with most services. But if he's a persistant bugger, he'll just call from a payphone or whatever, so changing the number is the usual solution.
But..eh... now is not the time to bother your wife about all that. I'd say, just enjoy your positive time together, and have a great family Christmas. With a little luck, the best present you'll get, would be if he tires out and gives up after a while
Last edited by Dom R; 12/14/0709:04 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Yeah Hound! Glad to hear you're moving back home!! That's HUGE!! Keep up the good work. And, keep visiting us in the "separated" area. I want to hear how you're doing!!
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Wow! Hound that is really fantastic, I am so happy for you. You put together a plan and stuck to it. I truly believe that the difference in your situation and many others is that your wife met you half way. You were over the house a lot, you were intimate, you were having some fun.
For many of us, that just is not the case. My W made up her mind awhile ago and that was it...
)