I am moving over from Newcomers. My R has been in conflict for about 6 years with the last two being the most awful. I found DB two months ago when my H announced the ILYBNILWY and I want a D thing. I have db'ed up to my ears and he is back in the real world! I was shocked that I could move to piecing after two months! I know we still have some work to do...
I would post links to my story but I am not sure how to do that...anyone? help?
Thanks,
It will be nice to get to know you all here.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Basically now my H has done many 180s, including cutting it off completely with OW, by changing his work cell #, and removing the emails she knows, committed himself to C (today is his first session), has given me flowers and a mushy second chance card, has grabbed my hand many times out of the blue and said "I'm so sorry for what I put us through", "I want us to be on the same page now", "I really missed you".
We told our S Saturday morn as we were all lying in bed that we were not going to D. He started to cry gently, happy tears he said, and told us we had made a good decision because he wants his family to be together.
My H has also seen the positive changes in me, no snippyness, being more confident, laughing, losing weight and lookin' good and being a more calm, centered person.
I told him I never felt better in years, I feel like I am back. I also discovered that I don't NEED him in my life, but that I WANT him in my life.
Now the scary steps of not falling into an old pattern because things are going so well. But at least now I feel like he and I are beginning again on the same page.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I haven't had time to go over your previous threads, but YAY FOR YOU TWO! I love that you have found strength in your challenges and that you're feeling up to moving forward together. And it is very nice that your H is committed to the process.
The only way to be sure things don't fall back into the old patterns is to keep on taking care of yourself and be vigilant about keeping the positive habits you've acquired. Good luck!
I really do feel like we are piecing! We keep having R talks, intitiated by him on how to keep moving forward and not step back. He has been more affectionate (without expecting sex, lol) and has told me he does NOT want me to give him back his rings until I am ready. He wants me to feel comfortable with feeling good about where we are heading. (When he told me about OW, I took them off and said 'you're free, go do what you need to'.) He said he wants me to feel like the commitment is there and not just in the symbol of the wedding rings.
I'm continuing to be good to me and he really notices that. He said he loves having a more confident, assured person around, who is fun and not so snippy anymore. Moi, snippy?
Thanks Jenny! I can always count on you for support. thanks for finding me. I'll keep following your story too, and continue to provide whatever support I can for you.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I know about that "are we really piecing" feeling. I found it kind of wierd too...and didn't want to jinx it. But it sounds like you certainly are. There will still be steps forward and steps backward. Just breathe, keep up your good habits and hang on!
and being a more calm, centered person.
