Yes you remember him quite correctly. He had improved so much before the letter came out but then just couldn't see why he should receive so much grief over something he knows not to be true. He just couldn't and still can't see why I can't just believe him that it is just the work of a very mixed up woman he worked with. If we talk about it now he says he is sick of talkng about it and that there is nothing different to say and doesn't like that I still don't know what to believe. I don't like it either, I so do not want to still be wondering when the baby is born but doesn't look likely it will be sorted before then. I still feel sick now when I think of what it says.
The hormones thing - well, I'm hoping it will improve a great deal after the baby is born, however I am planning on breastfeeding and that means that you do still have some of your pregnancy hormones floating around. He thinks that the only reason I'm not over the letter yet is because I'm pregnant and its making me feel insecure. I keep saying its not just than and its because we haven't "put it to bed" completely and utterly (mostly because of his conflict avoidance and complete and utter bury your head in the sand routines)
I do feel though that I am maybe being a complete idiot to be letting it spoil what I fought so hard for when it could be completely untrue and it is just letting her win, but at the same time if it turned out to be true then what I fought for is all lies. Oh I don't know, I'm tired of the whole thing. I even have nightmares about him and her sometimes.
When I say to him the things I need and that I have been telling him how I have been feeling since October time he says he thinks he is doing things to show me he loves me etc (yeah I know love languages but he just doesn't get it). He just doesn't seem to think he should have any work to do for having left me and shattered my trust. Not my trust about OW because don't know for sure she was a true OW but my trust that he would be with me forever and not hurt me like that. He thinks coming back is enough. I can understand the WAS thinking that at first when they're still being an alien but he's been back almost 15 months now, you'd think he'd think he owes something, if you know what I mean.
YES!!!! I know this feeling .... they just won't open up, want to forget it all, pretend it never happened ....sigh
He thinks he's being doing things that make you feel loved ... but if you don't feel loved then he hasn't. You are not bing an idiot ... you are not stupid, and idiot, a mess, you are none of those. You fought REALLY DARNED HARD to get through this, i remember it wasn't easy for you.
Maybe ... just a thought ... I know you H doesn't appreciate the talk and draggin it all up, but can you set a timeframe on it? maybe something like "3 months after the baby is born I would like to finally put this to bed". If he says it should be, well if you can calmly state that it ISN'T for you and would he help you ...
Sorry, I feel a bit clueless tonight. I've posted to 2 others tonight ... SD who's H is a big head in the sand guy and Eve who has just found out her H has been having an A ... it all seems like doom and gloom right now.
Can you hang in there until after the baby? Then at least your H doesn't have the brush off "it's hormones" to give you.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
This is really quick to let all my friends on here know that we have been blessed with a gorgeous little girl. Was sitting thinking how lucky I am after everything and realised I hadn't updated you all, sorry. xx
