Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives W still angry with me, but the intensity lessens

Hey Pudsey,

I understand what you mean now.
Just after we S, W acknowledged that she was being mean to me and needed treat me with the same respect that I showed her. This must have lasted about 2 seconds before she went back to being mean and spiteful. I think now she is getting back to that point where my respect and behaviour is met with similar.

I also forgot to mention that W gets a lot more text messages than she used to before the bomb and OM etc. I don't snoop anymore, haven't done so since July. But tonight she read out a couple her txt messages to me. These messages were from her former boss (female) who was also her D support until she was let go last month. The messages were basically PMA text, and a couple of rude jokes to make her smile.

Joke:
Elephant to Camel: You look silly with a pair t*ts on your back.
Camel to Elephant : You can talk, when you're extremely fat and you have a d*ck stuck on you're face.

Note to All
I know I just posted about having a bad day but believe me it was just a bad day. The problem was I lost control of the bad, negative thoughts in my mind and I was acting out all of the worse case scenarios 100 times per second. So if I said I felt suicidal, my mind was just acting one of the senario's. But trust me I'm ok.

I came home from work today a little later than usual ( this was planned). I found W alone eating dinner, miles away in her own thoughts. I joined her and made some small talk, but she didn't listen as she seemed to be in a different world. I didn't ask if there was a problem, I just remained cheerful and upbeat. After I cleared away, W took a shower and I spent time with D6.

Once D6 was in bed, W asked me to join her again in the kitchen to make a different recipe of fruit smoothie to yesterday.
We chatted about the merits of different types of fruits to juice and we shared a drink. Same scenario as yesterday but this time I left the kitchen first to go to the computer, while W retired upstairs.

My co worker has likened this to the picnic analogy where this time W is sneaking out of the castle to bring cool drink to the picnic, but rushes back as she is not ready to sit down and hold hands. It's ok with me as I can see this as more baby steps epescially when I think a few weeks back she didn't want to talk to me even be in the same room as me.

Hey Guys

Things inch forwards with baby steps. I enjoyed a glass of wine with W tonight. A few weeks ago she would have poured herself a glass and disappeared upstairs. Tonight she offered me a glass which I had while I was on the computer and she had hers while she watched reruns of "Dancing with the stars". I stayed out of her personal space, but she talked across to me when she wanted to which is fine by me.

Tomorrow will be a big test for me, dinner at MIL. Ten other family guest will be there, not many of them know of our sitch, so I will have to do a massive "as if" and show myself as if everything is just fine with me and W. This will be the first time since the bomb that W and I have gone anywhere as a couple. The way things are going I'm sure I can carry it off. (I've already chosen which shirt to wear).

Hi again,

Dinner with the ILs went well, D6 told me to look my best (and I did). W best friend commented how trim I was looking, one of the other female guest commented on the nice shirt I was wearing. W was putting on a show laughing and joking with everyone but she didn't speak to me the whole night, but as it was a large gathering no one really noticed.

When I was ready to leave W offered to drop me home to save me getting wet in the rain, but the IL's only live a short distance away so I said no problem I'll take the short walk. W and D6 stayed over rather than venture out into the cold and rain.

Sunday morning I made a start on the lights outside the house, when W arrive home later and saw the lights she has the biggest smile ever on her face. For a fleeting moment I imagined her coming over and giving me a big hug and a kiss, but it never happened. (sigh).

After Sunday dinner W was drifting away in her own thought, she does that a lot now. She also commented that she doesn't sleep too well these days so she wants to get back to the gym to tire herself out in the evenings.

Next week another family dinner, another chance to show my PMA, but it's soooo, soooo difficult.

Hi Lanzo-e

good to see you still lurking about.

I am impressed with the way you handled the dinner, that must've felt a bit awkward at times. And the compliments...good going!

I think she might be warming a tad, and iota.

She is drifting because you are allowing her the time to process her thoughts. That's what db is good at! She is not sleeping because she is processing, thinking.

I'm sure it's difficult, these family dinners, but keep going and lookin' fine and being happy. You are doing great L!

Hi Pudsy,

Yes, I'm still here, you always give me a lift when you respond, every now and again I need a little affirmation that I am moving along the right lines.

I still lurk around here, I read, I post and now I'm handing out advice to newbies. Can you believe it !! You see, I know what I know, to get to the point where I am at now, beyond that is still learning stuff for me. So if I can pass on advice to others to help them along the way, then that also helps my well being.

I'm glad to see you sitch is going well. Keep DB'ing your way back to happiness !!!

Hello all.

I'm 45 today !!

I felt ok until I started to think about it. Now I'm feeling a little teary, a little bit cut up inside. I never thought I'd get to this age and be in this sitch, but hey, that's life (at the moment).

My main objective today is to stay upbeat and cheerful. I should be able to do that, after all its my birthday.

Recent interactions with W have been low key positive, that's the best description I can come up with for now.

I'll again post later to let you know how I get on at work and at home.

Lan

Quick update

W has just surprised me with a birthday card to go along with 2 other from the IL's and D6. The card from W was quite thoughtful, but it didn't mention husband, love or anything smushy. She also gave me a present from her and D6, a smart casual top, but she stepped back quickly before I could offer her a hug or a kiss.

Well at least she acknowledged me as a person and my special day and now I'll go to work today feeling a bit better in myself.

Hey Lanzy!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I think good, no GREAT people are born in December!!! (Ok, I am Dec 10)

Keep positive, especially today! Go buy yourself a cupcake for lunch!

Quick note: She did acknowledge you. And give you a card. Those are good things. She didn't have too, but she did.

Hi Pudsey,

You seem to be the one who's keeping me going at the moment (Sandi2 where are you ) so if you do move into the piecing forum, please don't forget about me.

Well today in work I did a 180, normally I keep my birthday low key even to the point of not mentioning it to colleagues.
Today I went through all the offices with sweets and cakes and let everyone know it was my birthday today, but I didn't let them know I was 45.

At home I offered W a small piece of a birthday cake I bought, and a glass of sparkling wine, which she accepted. She didn't share it with me she had hers in the other room. It felt a little like she was trying to pull away from me, but I have to take the positives in that she accepted these from me.

Later in the evening W & D6 were dressing the xmas tree, W is doing it a week earlier this year for some reason. The tree is normally a big stress point for us and this usually leads to an argument, but strangely today we both just got on with it without any tension in the air.

W then discussed some additional decorations that she wants me to get for the house, and it felt strange in that she was discussing xmas with me. I think that this is the conformation that we will be spending xmas together in the same house.

Ah well, another year older and non the wiser. Or maybe I am wiser.


PS I'm tired now and could do with hearing from anyone else following my sitch but has not posted yet.