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Atlas,

you are the wind beneath my wings, kinda gay but true. Your right it has to take its course, but whats wierd is i am hitting the gym always have, that was one of my W's problems i would go to the gym after work and it would delay me getting home, am i going to stop, no, it makes me feel good. I know it will take time, i have time on my side im not going to dig a hole and hide i am going to go on the xmas like usual it was kinda hard decorating without the W here, as far as eating ive lost a few pounds but im using that to my advantage, hittting the gym harder my appetite is low so i eat healthier which helps. as far as OM i dont ask dont inquire she knows i know about it, i think she makes it apoint that i hear abouot it, i dont know if she is gettting back at me or wants me to accept it and try and be a divorced couple raising kids of our own with the OM involved. I told her i do not condone the OM being around my kids, she said you are there father and no one will replace u. also i was thinking about something she said about a month ago, if it wasnt him it would be someone else, that shows me she jumped at the first chance, that there are not true feelings there only a figure to fill her needs for now, what do you think.... oh by the way i already filed i had to to get the order for my kids back... but my attorney says its up to me to push it through....

bump

dh,

Careful when she talks about OM, she is trying to get a response from you that justifies her behavior. Right now she feels guilty about it, but if she can find justification it helps. So if your a big jerk about she can say, "Well I knew it, I'm doing the right thing." So just let it crash and burn itself.

I hear you about the gym thing. I road bike a lot and it takes a lot of time. I signed up for a huge race this summer and had to keep a pretty strict training schedule and W did not like that at all. Haven't been riding for a long time and it is showing, I think I need to start hitting the gym and some bike again. Plus I'm smoking again, can't beleive I started that up again.

You know have you read His Needs Her Needs? The author talks about men needing a recreational campanion. Not sure, but if you got to the point that W wanted to spend time, would she like going to the gym with you? If she was there with you a couple of times a week, she may be less upset over you coming home later to work out.

Sorry Atlas,

The talks about the OM stopped 3 weeks ago, i dont bring him up neither does she. I actually feel good today, I know that i am in a better place than she is right now, she is only upbeat on weekends bc she feels she actually has something to do, even if it is going to OM's gigs that is only a total of about 18 hours out of the week where she can feel good. the remainder of the week i know she is in the dumps, and that is what will ultimately take over her time away from home

feeling a little down tonight, as usual the W made no attempt to talk with our S today or see the kids all weekend for that matter.She is filling her empty space on weekends going out with OM and then during the week she is back to being Mommy, it pisses me off so much that she works this way. When i work a shift at the Sheriff's office its 10 hours long andi miss my kids half way through the shift, how can this woman detach from her kids like this???

dh,

Sorry you have been feeling down, it will get easier.


I know this sucks, try not to think or dwell on what she is doing, it will only madden you and send you down that spiral of depression. Evertime you think this way, have a big red stop sign appear in your mind and then have a back up memory that is pleasent, that doesn't involve her. Everytime I think negative about my W, or start to, the stop sign comes up, and I'm fishing in Alaska with my brother.

You have seen the druggies on the street, the real bad ones that you know deep down they aren't bad people but they can't stop doing what they are doing because of the desire for more. Well your W is addicted to the endorphine high she gets sneaking around town and such with OM. Wait until she wakes up, my W is pretty disgusted with herself, she is a very attractive blonde, thin, great assets, and found some short fat guy to be with. All of her friends couldn't understand it. She still doesn't either, but it was a high, doesn't matter if I have to sleep in a dumpster so long as I get my fix.

Don't worry, you remember how jumpy you get when you haven't been on a rough call in a long time, but when there are a string of them you start to relax. They teach to relax and react. Well just like that it will happen to her, suddenly it won't be the fun that it was.

Thanks Atlas,

i just needed another push from someone to be patient. My C told me usually when an A happens its with someone you would never think your W or H would be attracted to, so basically its always an EA first because they become emotional predators and fill what the W or H is needing emotionally. In any case i am feeling better today, My business partner's W is helping me interview potential nanny's this week. I need to get back on track weekends are the toughest and i just kinda had a bad one, thanks for the push atlas.

I said thison another thread but i believe people like my W actually feel they function better in misery and dont know how to funtcion in happiness. I also dont think she knows how to be loved, she had a rough childhood and i have been her rock for the last five years and i think she got scared of it. When the visitation with the kids was first allowed she saw them daily, i think now she is realizing how much work the kids are and she is not showing the court that she can be primary when she is slowly seeing the kids less and less, i have to journal to my attorney every week on her actions to see the kids or not.

dh,

Keep that journal going, it was really difficult when W and I were at odds to see each other so much when passing the S back and forth.

Try to remember also, not a hard and fast rule, but the number of years married, it will at least take that long to get things to cool off. A usually die within 6 months and 1 year, so got to think long haul. But you don't get to your goal by sprinting, pace yourself, one step at a time.

I know slow down,

so 6 months to a year for the A to fizzle, well thats gonna be tough im impatient in nature and i will just see what happens the girls are coming out of the wood work, i am not going to sit at home i will hang out and have fun but i am not ready to be on the lookout for W number 3 either,, hehe