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I feel you are right. Just don't cave into him.

hugs

JAK

Hes texting this morning....I spoke too soon.

Him: How are you and baby doing?

He sent it twice. I haven't responded.

Him: I know you are getting these. Lets try and be civil. We are having a baby together.

I haven't responded.

So hard. I just want to go off and tell him what a POS he is and now he wants to be civil? Go to He**!!

Feeling sad and frustrated right now. This was not how I wanted my life to go. I don't want to be 42 years old, divorced twice, 3 kids and one on the way, and pretty much alone.

I just got our Xmas tree. I wanted a fake one. Nobody but me takes care of the stupid thing and it makes a big mess. Nooo.....the kids want a real one. Fine so my two daughters and I go get it. It makes a huge mess in my car and then as we were bringing it in the house needles are falling all over. My belly is in the way and so uncomfortable. Then we had issues with the water bucket etc. I was so irritable and trying not to snap at my girls.

This was not supposed to be happening this way. But it looks like its my life. Doing it all on my own.

I'm right there with you. You are right and I feel the same. What kind of person does this to someone? The holiday's suck. At least you have kids and get to see their happy little faces. My H texted me this morning too to see how I was, I ignored it and he hasn't texted again. My girlfriend said something that I try to always remember "life if what it is, plan for surprises". So, that is what I try to do. I try to plan for the surprises. How did you deal with the OW? It is eating me up inside. I obsess about them and what they are doing. I know it doesn't hurt anyone but myself, but somedays I can't seem to do anything but think about it. Life was not supposed to be this way. I'm just trying to learn the lesson and let it go. Easier said than done.

Honestly, the OW is not a big factor in this to me. If you would have asked me that a week ago, she was. But after I confronted him about still having contact with her and him lying and then being out all night with who knows when I was in hospital it all became secondary. What bothers me more now is his character. He cannot offer me consistency, stablility or honesty. He is too busy being validated by other women and acting like a 19 year old frat boy.

Sure I am very sad and very disappointed. I told him right from the beginning of this pregnancy that he didn't have to do this with me, but he said he wanted another chance and I believed him. What I didn't know is he has been cake eating since the beginning. What I should say is deep down I knew he was cake eating and gave him chance after chance and looked the other way.

I never responded to his text today. I am not hearing that he is sorry, that he is really willing to meet my needs, or get help for the drinking. He is just trying to keep his foot in the door and keep his 'dad' badge.

My H character bothers me as well. I went to C last night and she pointed out many instances where, when my H is faced with being an adult he bails out. I don't know if he will ever grow up. His "big kid" persona was appealling at first, that is part of the reason I married him. I loved that he could play, but what I neglected (or declined) to notice is that he wasn't a responsible adult, at all. I miss him more than anything and I think my struggle now is with the fact that I don't see him coming home. And, if he does, will I ever get over this? That is killing me and it is killing me that he is being the "good guy" with OW. That's how he got me. He was sweet and helpful and full of promises and then it changed. It took a long time for the real him to come out, but it eventually did, especially this last year. I can't help hoping that they are miserable. I know that is terrible, but I want them to be miserable together because I am miserable. I hate know that he is being Mr. Nice and Helpful and Mr. Promise you the world with her.

I know that my H is cake eating, too. I let him. It is my fault that he is cake eating. But, I cling to the chance to be with him, and then I fall back into feeling worthless when he disappears for a couple days.

Are you afraid to let him go? What are you afraid you will miss or lose? These are questions that I have a hard time answering honestly.

Yes, I am afraid to let him go. Why? I can't tell you. He really isn't some sort of catch. Maybe I am afraid of being alone. I really have not been fully separated from him. We always managed to connect at least every week or so. Then he would bail. So now besides being pregnant, nothing has changed. He is now not saying he is bailing since I have been pregnant, but I really think the way we were working things with him living in a separate home, coming and going here when he pleased and maintaining other women on the side really worked for him!

I'm afraid of letting my H go also. I hold tight to that dream that we would have a family. I don't know if you were aware that we have been doing fertility treatment since February. That happens to coincide with when he started feeling unhappy. It was really hard for me because I have always wanted a child, more than just about anything. When I married him, I knew that he had a low sperm count and low mobility. I knew that there was a good chance that I would never have children. I think that's why it hurts so much sometimes. I married him despite the fact that my dream of a family could not come true. But, I loved him. So, after all this time. It finally happens for us and he bails on me. He bails on our family and moves in with a woman that he's know for 3 weeks and she has 2 children of her own from a boyfriend that wouldn't marry her. Talk about a blow to my self-esteem. I sit here and wonder what could she possibly offer that I don't? How could he choose to be with someone elses family instead of his own? How does someone do that?
You will never be alone. You have your children and they will always be there for you. But, I understand about the lonely thing. I try to keep busy with friends, but it's just not the same as being with someone you share your life with.
I also believe that my H loves the fact that he has two woman that are fighting for his attention. When he calls me and wants to have sex, it is the hardest thing in the world to say no to him. Because somehow I think it means he loves me. But, it doesn't. If he loved me, he'd be with me. I feel very used. It hurt to think of myself as someone who's good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to have a life with.
Stay strong. You are doing much better than I am at that. Maybe I'll get there someday.

Didn't you say you were in California? I'm in Southern California.

Girls,

It is so hard to let go but, it is something you need to do for you and for them. For you, you need to GAL and find peace that you can be an individual without depending on your R for that. You will be much happier when you get to this point but, you do have to work for it and you may need to fake it till you make it.
For you H's, your GAL activities will help them to work on themseves and to see that you are not needy ,whiney, and dependent on them for your happiness. They will look at you and think what im'e i giving up here and they will be scared about really losing you. Right now they think they have the best of both worlds because you two are fighting OW for them and they love the attention thus not having to make any decisions.

I am not tellling you that you will get your R's back but you will be able to live and be happy on your own with or without them

(((((( SO2 ))))))
(((((( BS )))))))

JAK

Life cannot get much worse!

I actually haven't thought about dh in a few hours. Last night i found out that my 16 year old daughter was doing some questionable things that she knows she shouldn't be. They have serious consequences and she has been warned before. Well, I found out and called her dad and all hell broke loose. My exdh was spineless to say the least and she lashed all of her anger and hatred because I ratted her out once again towards me. She was vicious...I ruined her life, she hates me, everyone hates me, and she wants to live with her dad. Her dad sat and just took it. He knew what she had done and it was partly his fault as it was something that happened right under his nose. My daughter wants to now live with him....before all of this she was fine. When she was spewing her hatred he just sat there and told her that wasn't helping. He should have shut her down. Her dad is a God to her as he is so stupid and believes everything she tells him.

I have gotten no sleep. I am exhausted. Between this and dealing with dh I am barely functioning. I hate the thought of my daughter going to live with her dad. I will miss her terribly, I am hurt but she is allowed to run free and am afraid of what will happen.

For those who are confused...my kids dad is not the dh I talk about here....he is my second husband.