Anywho.... so, how'd you find out about it? I say, let her have her checking account, but the statements should be shared with you, not mailed to a friend.
And no more deception.
"Openness leads to health. Secrecy leads to pathology." The minister at my church said this recently. It rings true.
Hairdog
Well, I was getting money and noticed a bank of america business card with a number written on the back. Being the curious type, I called the number. It was a law firm. So I asked her why she had a law firm's number and she initially told me her friend had given it to her when she was upset. This "friend" is a typical friend described in Divorce Remedy and is basically pushing her to leave even though she does not know me at all. So, being the a____le that I am I said I was going to call this friend and give her a piece of my mind. Then she told me about opening the account and when she was asked if anyone else was to be on it she said no. At this point the banker asked if it was for a personal reason (IMHO overstepping the bounds of his profession) and she said yes so he gave her the number of a lawyer. So not only did she hide it, she threw her friend under the bus with a lie at first to conceal it.
As to having the account, we make good money but we have cash flow problems. When all the money services the debt, why should she keep some for herself? The only way I see to do it equitably is to have three accounts and we will each pay into the joint account to pay off the bills. I would have to pay a higher percentage of the mortgage and utilities, but there are other bills that could be considered mine or hers. I pay the payment on the Jag, she pays the propane bill for the pool, etc. Compounding this problem is as a teacher, she only gets paid 9 months out of the year. It seems to me that in our current financial situation, doing this is simply "divorce practice". While I don't necessarily think this is a bad move as it may open her eyes a bit, I think it would be complicated.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
Sounds like you should each have an account and keep a third for the "household". Pay the household expenses out and each keep a bit in your personal accounts. H and I each have our own accounts (remember this is a 2nd M) but they are with the same bank and we can see each others accounts and our Home Equity Line of Credit too on the internet. We are each on the other's account. H does have another account for his business that I am not on and I suppose he could stash $$ there if he wanted but we have had no problem being above board with finances so far. If I felt that we encountered such an issue (like you are) then I might have to review our strategy. Is it "divorce practice"? Ummm maybe but then you cannot really stop her from having her divorce fantasies anyway so why not play along??
