Miss IC, Sometimes you need to close one door to open another. Your H has so much to him that he will not stagnate...he is going to evolve, just you wait and see.
Miss IC, if his default position and/or defense mechanism for years has been to "man up" and stuff/avoid all the tough emotional stuff .... that's just not going away overnight. Even if he has made great strides in being open with you about all this ... and it really sounds like he has .... whenever you push yourself to make changes and step away from how you were doing things, the rubberband of long-entrenched habit is going to snap you back to the old ways occasionally .... considering the stress he's been under, that shouldn't even be surprising. Don't be scared. He's not going away from you. He'll settle his feathers and keep going forward.
IC, far be it from me to doubt the truth of what you're saying. But I think it's very wise counsel to not make important decisions about abandoing parts of your life when you're under stress. No different from the wisdom about staying out of a rebound relationship after a breakup or death. Everything you've been through of late has got to be messing with your head, whether you think so or not. Take it into account, eh?
Hugs to both.....
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
I concur w/ exile and IC, 100%. I tried to explain this same thing a while back IRT my own ch*t, and no one would hear it. but anyway, if you've played at a big-league level, its damn near impossible (at least, for some of us) to go back to "little league". It must be hard for others to understand, especially when it involves pursuits that most people do for recreation. "why can't you just do it for fun?". Because, even though we started these pursuits as an "extracurricular" activity in our youth, (or "whenever"), for those who rise to a professional level, at some point, it stops being "fun", and starts being "work". Not "work" as in "drudgery", but "work" as in "purpose". Fulfillment comes from working at a top-shelf level, not from simply participating. something I haven't talked about much, here...I was once a professional level musician. I have a degree in music performance, and played at a fairly high level for some time. Some of my peers have gone on to play with some pretty big names. I could have pursued that...I chose not to. (cue Stuart Smalley: "and thats...ok"). had other goals, that I dont' need to get into. Anyway, I just kind of slowly grew away from the music, as life moved on, to the point of not really doing much of anything anymore. But people are always telling me, "you should do this", or "you should do that"..."play with this amateur group, or that one...sing in this choir"...whatever. No, thankyou. Not interested. The few times I have, have been nothing but annoying and frustrating. counterproductive, imo. (funny aside: W keeps getting sucked into these things...then comes home after every rehersal, and goes on a tirade about how annoying and frustrating it is...and I say, "see? see why I don't want to get involved?" anyway...). Now, one big difference between my analogy, and IC's story is that there hasnt' been any life-altering event that makes it **impossible** to pursue again. Its not necessarily "gone forever", (like some other things). But thats really not the point. The point is that a cheap knock-off is not substitute for "the real thing", when you're trying to fill some void. So I understand IC's actions, completely.
Thanks IC. I'm beginning to understand a little better how and what you're feeling. From the outside, it appeared to me that maybe you were doubting yourself, your knee, your cancer and it just seemed too soon for that. It's really hard for me to really get a grip on what all you've gone through...I've never had a passion for anything like the one you had / have for hockey and then to have that stripped away from you.
It just always seemed like you were having a good time out there, I never realized the pain or demons you were up against. I feel so bad for initially bringing this up a month or so ago. Corri said it was a wound that needed cleansing and maybe that's true, but I just feel maybe I was wrong to be the one to open it up. I hope someday you can come to peace with yourself and enjoy it again. There is nobody as fun and entertaining to watch play. I've learned alot from being around "hockey people" with you and watching them on tv...you guys are a special breed. You played the game the way it was meant to be played and it would be nice to see you enjoy it again
Sorry Hairdog, you're not going to run off your biggest fan that easy. I'll still sit back and enjoy the show and chip in when I can
Exile, I'd love to sit down and swap some hockey stories with ya over a few cold ones, but a certain Doctor RJ on here, has me on a very strict "no alcohol" regimen....maybe after this cancer gets it's azz whooped
Eastern Mass huh? Let me guess, should be a tough one....hmmmm...A Bobby Orr, Ray Bourque and Cam Neely fan???
IC, far be it from me to doubt the truth of what you're saying. But I think it's very wise counsel to not make important decisions about abandoing parts of your life when you're under stress. No different from the wisdom about staying out of a rebound relationship after a breakup or death. Everything you've been through of late has got to be messing with your head, whether you think so or not. Take it into account, eh?
Kett, I understand what you are saying. Stress has a way of sometimes blinding us from making rational decisions such as rebound relationships. But sometimes, stress can open our eyes to what is really important in our lives. Maybe someday my feelings will change but for now, I'm pretty content with letting the ghost of IC's past settle into what it is...the past.
Miss IC, you know that IC is capable of expressing himself....
From what we know of IC, this state of mind will morph into something else. He's not crazy or mentally unbalanced....
Lill, you and RJ seem to give me more credit than I deserve...I'm stubling through this the best that I can. I don't know if what I am doing and how I'm doing it is right or wrong or if there even is a right or wrong way.
At times I feel like I'm making some progress in my emotional well being but it seems that in the past, my emotional state was pretty much filled with many peaks and the valleys were few and far between...and weren't very deep. Now, it seems the peaks are few and far between and are not reaching quite as high. I'm getting lost in the depths of the valleys and it's a struggle to keep focused on where and what I want to achieve. It's like I can't get any balance in my life...first my relationship with Miss IC was faltering, but other areas of my life seemed good. Now, the relationship is at a high and the other areas are in peril...go figure.
And who knows what effect that gift will have on the kid? It could be a turning point in his life.
He's a good kid Lill. I've talked with his parents while watching him play...he's got all the tools and talent to take him far...depends on the desire. I kind of took the kid under my wing while out on the ice...I don't know, maybe I'm the wrong one to be trying to influence his desire for the game.
Lill, you and RJ seem to give me more credit than I deserve
You deserve as much credit as any other struggling human being. Let me ask you this: when you go into a hockey game, do you know every move you're going to make? Do you know exactly how you'll react to the other players' moves? No, you just go in there, trust your training and your instincts and play. Just like life. You don't know-- in fact you CAN'T know-- everything that you're going to come up against. You just play, using your talent, training, and instinct. That's all anyone can do.
I concur w/ exile and IC, 100%. I tried to explain this same thing a while back IRT my own ch*t, and no one would hear it.
Now, one big difference between my analogy, and IC's story is that there hasnt' been any life-altering event that makes it **impossible** to pursue again.
I have no comment.
Well. Actually, I do, but I'm not going to make comment because I said I wouldn't. But I will say it had more to do with the constant and persistent anger...
Exile, I'd love to sit down and swap some hockey stories with ya over a few cold ones, but a certain Doctor RJ on here, has me on a very strict "no alcohol" regimen....maybe after this cancer gets it's azz whooped
Eastern Mass huh? Let me guess, should be a tough one....hmmmm...A Bobby Orr, Ray Bourque and Cam Neely fan???
Yes, yes and yes. Oh, and you left a few out. To this day, I remember the fist time I saw Orr play.
Kick its a$$ first, I'll be around. BTW, have you seen HF Boards Lots of interesting things there to pass the time.
At times I feel like I'm making some progress in my emotional well being but it seems that in the past, my emotional state was pretty much filled with many peaks and the valleys were few and far between...and weren't very deep. Now, it seems the peaks are few and far between and are not reaching quite as high. I'm getting lost in the depths of the valleys and it's a struggle to keep focused on where and what I want to achieve.
IC, You are more on track than you realize. Trying to keep up with the peaks of the past will only send you into the valley ( just read the stories on the MLC board for evidence of this). You're learning to give those old peaks a friendly wave, as you move forward on a new path fueled by your inner spirit and by connection with others. It's all about connection...to yourself, to a higher power, to your loved ones. You have already done some shaking up in this regard, and have a fine set of priorities.
BTW, I think it was really cool what you did for that kid, minus the drama element. My only fault with you is that you need to bring Miss IC more into your world as you figure things out. She is very ready to stay on that path with you, and she certainly brightens it up!
anyway...).
