Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning

Should be proud of my self today, H told me last night he was only working a few hrs today, due to working late last night. When h left this am he said I'll call you later, I have not heard from him at all, so I did one positive thing, 180 call it I have not called him..

I was busy at work so that helped very much. Still difficult to do. I could let my mind go and imagine what h was doing today, but i won't. I cannot control it so I need not to think about it. sigh, still very hard

bear

I canceled the hotel reservations for Sat night. I cannot get myself to sell the tickets for the play. I'm feeling that if I sell them and keep the money it truly was not my money to begin with. (gift from BIL & SIL). I'm feeling that H is ultimately responsible for us not going to the play, so if the subject comes up with his brother and sil, he will have to tell them it was his idea not to go. believe it or not still have a faint flicker of hope that h could change his mind. But not counting on anything. So he should have to deal with the guilt not me.

I just find it very hard to comprehend that we can watch tv, for 4 hrs have dinner together. Why is it so difficult for him to go see a play that he has always wanted to see. Am I that bad of a person, a monster that you cannot spend 4 hours with me?

well that is my two cents for now.

bear

First off, you're not a monster. You have to understand that this is your Hs issue. He's the only one that can work through his issues. I'm sure that you're not a bad person. The only thing you've been guilty of lately is low self esteem. Why not just go to the play by yourself? I do a lot of things on my own. (Movies, nice dinners, church, etc.) It's a bit strange at first, but make a point to try and really enjoy yourself. Act "As-If" and eventually you will find yourself having a good time. What else are you going to do this weekend? You can't just sit around and feel miserable. What would that accomplish?

Peace, B

B

Yes, my self esteem is low, and I am working on that with therapy. I know in my heart I am not a bad person, I put H first in everything.

I don't like NYC that much and going alone, absolutely does not thrill me. Scares me actually, so I am going to say no to that option.

I have a 10 day trip planned in Jan so far by myself to florida. Unsure if I will still go, and if my mom will come down with me for a few days, still working out the details slowly.

I will run errands this weekend, need despirately to get the holiday spirit and get shopping done, either in stores or online. Snuggle with my kitty cat is one big thing that will be done this weekend. Maybe some more decorating, not really in the mood for it thou.

thanks for the post
bear

I agree with B. Don't demonize yourself. Your H has a lot of issues to work out with himself, and this probably will take time. Just cause he's not comfortable hanging out with you all the time doesn't make you a bad person, just means he can't deal with all of this stuff right now. He'll have to clear his head out on his own time frame.

In the meantime, don't just sit around waiting for him, live your own life and do things you enjoy. I would go to the play, either by yourself or bring a friend along. You may just have a good time! One of the keys for me has been realizing that I can go out and have fun without my W. She always planned almost all our social life, so this has been big for me, to learn again how to make myself happy without her help. It helps me to face the reality of the sitch, that even if she never comes back I will survive.

B

Yes, my self esteem is low, and I am working on that with therapy. I know in my heart I am not a bad person, I put H first in everything.

I don't like NYC that much and going alone, absolutely does not thrill me. Scares me actually, so I am going to say no to that option.

I have a 10 day trip planned in Jan so far by myself to florida. Unsure if I will still go, and if my mom will come down with me for a few days, still working out the details slowly.

I will run errands this weekend, need despirately to get the holiday spirit and get shopping done, either in stores or online. Snuggle with my kitty cat is one big thing that will be done this weekend. Maybe some more decorating, not really in the mood for it thou.

thanks for the post
bear

I can understand not wanting to go to NYC by yourself. I didn't realize that was where it was. Don't give up on the Jan trip. I would be looking forward to something like that. Start telling yourself everyday from now until you leave that it's going to be a great trip. I'm a big believer in that life is what you make of it. Yes, we get some crap thrown our way but if you let it get you down and keep you down you're going to be miserable. There's nothing magical that you can do to change your situation, but you can start improving it by changing your attitude towards life.

We all know that what would make you happiest would be to have your H back, but since you can't have that right now you shouldn't let that be your focus. There are other things in life that can make you happy. Take this time to find them. Get out of your comfort zone a little and explore life. It can be quite wonderful.

Errands don't make for a real exciting weekend, so I would suggest finding something else to do along with them. I can't argue with snuggling with your pet though.

B

B

If the play was anywhere else, i would push myself to go, but NYC alone. not for me. The Jan trip I have to work on getting myself up for it, believe it its to Disney world. (kind of an onymoron issue, the happiest place on earth, and I am misterable this is going to be interesting) But I know I have the ability to change and make myself happy and I have to start working on it. I need to get my plan of action together. 1st need to get plane ticket. That could be one thing i do this wkend.

I know errands don't seem exciting, but keeps me busy. I just decided that I am going to get a wreath for my door this weekend. Since there is one scrooge in my home does not mean there has to be two. I may still decorate that window the way I want to. Not that the kitty is a bad second choice, I would prefer my H be the first one I could snuggle with.

I am trying to break out and do things different, just takes time

thanks
bear

I hear ya. It just seemed like you needed some encouragement to get out and do something. Have you ever thought about volunteering somewhere? I find it pretty rewarding and I've made a few new friends.

Errands are good for staying busy, but I was thinking more along the lines of doing something fun that would lift your spirits. Try to find something to do around the time that you would have been at the play. That way you'll be less likely to feel down about not going. The trick is to anticipate when you think you're going to feel the most down and try to plan something positive for that time.

B

I do my best to get out and about, in fact last night after dinner I just said I'm going to the store, want to get there before it closed in an hour. See ya.

Have not found the right organization to volunteer at. Hard to find time, work 40+ hrs wk, gym three time a week. Looking for the right organizaion. I will find it.

Just having a few bad days, in a blue christmas funk with no holiday spirit. H usually calls me everyday, at work but last two days no calls.

Just riding the rollercoaster of emotions

thanks
bear