When you have a problem, you define it, show the impact, come up with alternative for its resolution, then select an alternative. That is it.
As for keeping your R and long-term plans out if it, follow the above problem resolution. And if the long-term is part of the impact you have to include it.
You do have to protect yourself and your children financially.
My H and I too have a legal paper document notorized and all that jazz...but anyway doesn't matter. When HE left (note the difference here...) HE said he would take care and do what was his obligation..needless to say we are going to mediation. My point?
Look at what you SIGNED....financially ALONE....in my state once you signed, once you are legally seperated any debt he incures is his deal not mine. InI dont know your deal there ..but that is how it works in NC.
Look at the FINANCIALS -- not the relationship...you may end up back together BROKE ...will u still accept her back? Do you see what I mean? I WOULD ACCEPT my H back broke and BROKEN...=) BUT in the meantime I have to LIVE as though we are not one (financially.)
So - look at what you signed. Is it reasonable? Can you afford whta you said you could do?
Does she work? She could help financially- she LEFT you remember?
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Yes - it says that we are reposnsible for our debts as of the S date. And I would take her back broke and broken.
She does not work but has been looking for a few months. I think she sabotaged at least one of her interviews. I believe that the job search has been kinda half-hearted at times when she thinks about a future with me, and more aggressove when she does not. Of course employers don't always line up to meet mood swings ofg applicants.
I think we could afford it if she reduced the flexible dollar portion of the budget. A few weeks ago she was saying hopw she had not been working out for a long time (thins was her daily routine when all of this started)because she didn't have the time. Now she says she is going to drop the club membership because of the expense. Not blaming me so much, but I did have to hear it.
I'm afraid of getting weak and paying off our debts because I want to look like the hero...
Don't know what to think. I am heading home for the weekend and we have not had much positive contact lately. She called me from store so the kids could talk, and then a bit later called me back and said she had a doscount coupon and asked me if I needed anything. Strange...
I think I anm going to tie an electrode to my ventricle (or some lower ...icle) and everytime I feel too high or too low zap myself back into reality!
I'm afraid of getting weak and paying off our debts because I want to look like the hero...
Will it stop excessive spending to pay off the debts? If you pay off debts with no changes to what is making the debt.... well, how many times do you want to look like a hero?
FLEXIBLE spening? HA! does she have the kids? If so i would suggest that you look into the state she lives in and what childsupport guidelines are for that. Then look at expenses..(this is literally what I did when H left)...you know REAL BILLS ie. Utilites, water, house payment - joint debt payments, mine included a few hospital bills etc. ADD those up THEN ADD what the child support is...see where the middle ground can be for you.. WITH ME I added teh bills/plus the child support to come up with what we had.. it was substantial and he signed and payed until JUNE... BUT I DID NOT have alot of extra..and I had to start working fulltime....
DO NOT LET HER RUN YOU LIKE THAT... I am sorry and others may think that I am out of line..she wanted out ..you dont have to pay for her to play. THERE IS A HUGE difference between being supportive and supporting your fmaily and paying for her new life.....
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
